


The Tough Road To Love

by Charlie0831



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, Friends to Lovers, Rape/Non-con Elements, Smut, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 15:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 74,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20894150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie0831/pseuds/Charlie0831
Summary: Ok i know i did an AU already with Footballer Matt that was depressed, but i really wanted to do one with the Actor Matt!I remember when he first left who and i saw him in an interview with the cast of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and he was so different from the ones he had done for The Doctor...he kinda sank away in the background while others would take the lead in the limelight...i remember thinking it must be really weird for him this...so thats where i got this idea from!Sorry if its a bit depressing .at the beginning LOL...i perhaps one day i will do a totally happy fic!! NOT lolAs always i love feedback good or bad x x





	1. Waking Up

He heard a repetitive beeping of machines and an irritating shuffle of fabric along with the tapping of feet all around him.  
The murmurs of skewed voices could be heard through the fog in his brain as he tried desperately and in vain to focus on their meaning!  
He tried to move his toes but was unsure if they were actually still attached to his body in all honesty...he couldn't feel them in any case. He couldn't feel anything. He was numb inside and out ...though not even slightly scared of this bizarre situation of muted noise and engulfing emptiness.  
He tried to move his fingers through testing persuasion, but just like his toes, he wasn't even sure they existed either.  
What was this? Was this a dream? Was this Heaven?... No, no heaven would be way more fun than this and have hot air-balloons and pizza and sexy angels in skimpy underwear. Hmm perhaps this was Hell then and that's what this was. GreatI’ve been condemned to a life of sheer and utter boredom…`pfft` there isn’t even a fire in this hell hole to sit and toast giant marshmallows on a skewer with his non-existent hands...what kind of rubbish hell is this?  
Well perhaps if I open my eyes that might do something...Good thinking Matt always so clever you are!  
Wait do i even have eyes?

“I THINK HE’S WAKING UP LAURA GO GET A DOCTOR!...MATT, COME ON BUDDY...MATT.”

Matts eyes slowly fluttered open, it felt difficult to keep them open or even focus on anything for a moment. It was so bright ...too bright. He moaned as he brought a hand up to shield out the light…as if waking up from the most severe hangover imaginable.  
Eventually, his eyes slowly adjusted to something in front of him and he slowly focused on a face that was staring worryingly close to his own…bearing an odd expression and a rather big nose...”Arthur?”  
He rubbed his eyes and sat up a bit more noticing that he was in a strange clinically white room in a grim white bed with weird wires rolling over the covers connecting to his body.  
He groaned as he moved to try and sit up slightly panicked, but instantly felt sick so halted everything while he shut his eyes to gather himself and let the wave of nausea pass.  
He felt a hand on his shoulder “steady there Mate your sisters gone to get a doctor for you”

(`Doctor?? What!! ...What's a doctor for? Where am i? What happened ...oh wait…i was...did i...oh ...yes i think i did!`)

It all came flooding back to him then, his rotten screwed up existence, his loneliness, his late nights of alcohol-fueled parties that only stopped when he dropped...usually his pants!  
There were threesomes with firecrackers that had boobs as fake as their names...Precious, Tatiana, and Whatshername.  
He even shared women with his mate Dan a few times for shits and giggles, a girl sandwich they called it...her in the middle, Matt below and Dan on top ...girls will do anything these days to get a shag from a nametag. Was fun when your pissed and high as a kite on shots or homemade Pirate Grog and spliffs off Dan and his mates.  
Waking up was a different story mind, he felt disgusted...dirty and repulsed of his own skin, blinking shamefully surrounded by cold pink flesh and stumbling over kinky silk lingerie and empty glass bottles in desperate need to find a cig for breakfast.  
What a way to start the day ay?... It wasn't easy to pinpoint the exact moment when Matt had changed into this….it was a slow descent after his Time on` WHO`...  
He used to be a man, a good man...or at least he tried anyway...A man that people seemed to like as a matter of fact. A man that kids would look up to as their hero and who they expected would chase their monsters away in the blink of an eye.  
But now he was the monster!

Playing The Doctor happened to be the best most treasured years of his life, It was his everything 24 hours a day and seven days a week, for three complete seasons. Along with five specials over a four year period.  
He soaked it up like sunshine! He ate it. He slept it. He breathed it in like the goodness of a delicious Sunday roast on a cold winter's day.  
The best thing about being on a show like Doctor who though were the people involved, everyone knew everyone, they were practically family!  
King Moff or Daddio we would call him on occasion. The producers, the cameramen, the stylists Mel and victoria and makeup artists Phil and his wife Janice that was obsessed with his hair and cried like a baby when he shaved it off near the end of his run!  
The set team and lighting crew were pranksters and rivals. Hidden Nerf bullets would turn up in the Tardis after a late-night battle had ensued and Matt even had a Nerf Rival hidden under the console, for one had to be prepared for such a sneaky attack.  
Betty and Jan from catering made the best chocolate cake in the world on Fridays, he loved Fridays especially because he loved cake!  
Then there were his closest friends, Karren and Arthur who had practically become like a brother and sister to him over the course of their run. They lived in the same block of flats as he did in the magical kingdom of Cardiff not far from the studio.  
They shopped together and ate together and lounged out for movie nights or playing juvenile games like spin the bottle when The Kingston came a calling. 

Oh yes Alex, even the whisper of her name did things to him. The only time the Who Family was ever fully complete was when Alex Kingston was in town. The light in his life, the angel on his right shoulder would say. The thrill that erupted within him every time she walked back on set was electric. How did she always make him feel like a kid on Christmas morning?  
He became giddy, unhinged and practically Oozed innuendos in an attempt to impress or outdo her. He couldn't wait to start playing their familiar game. They danced around the set waltzing like lovers, oblivious to the world around them in their own unique bubble of something special.  
It was just him and her and their endless curveballs of innuendos and flirtiness or cheeky smirks and winks. The Daring swaying her curvaceous hips in front of him while turning to gaze over her shoulder and puckering a floating kiss because she knew it drove him insane!  
Yes those were days of liquid gold I tell you...you couldn't bottle and sell that shit...it was far too precious for that….she was far too precious to him!

After who, Matt did a few random films that caught his eye. It was fun at first, different and exciting. But soon he came to realize it was too different, too unfamiliar in feel.  
Matt was a people person at heart and he suddenly found even though everyone was incredibly nice to him...it was a fake nice. There were no connections formed, there wasn't time to do that in a film production...not really. He would constantly forget people's names on set, there were no special cake days either.  
He struggled to find a grip on the endless inevitable rotation of cast and crew that sailed by him like a flock of migrating birds, focused and driven in their own personal endeavors. People who smiled and charmed him for a few weeks would then moved onto the next shiny new toy.  
He suddenly felt unimportant! He couldn't play a simple joke on anyone without knowing if they would be offended or not by it. Obviously they would simply look at him like a wonky strawberry in a bowl full of perfection ...did they even get him and his quirks? Who were these people?

He wanted his family back, he missed them terribly...his special `Who family` who knew him and embraced him and even entertained his sensitive side. They did things for him like Kelly from wardrobe who had secretly taken note of Alex's favorite perfume for him just so he could buy her a bottle for valentines day to leave beautifully wrapped in pink paper and ribbon, tucked into the blaster holder of her River Song costume from a secret admirer!  
Yes, It was harder to move on than he had previously thought.  
Karen had moved to the states probably meeting up with Kingston on her time off for coffee and gossip, of course, he was slightly jealous of that...no allot jealous..he’s was sure his eyes would turn green with envy!  
Then Arthur was busy doing Theatre in London...they phoned of course and arranged to meet at the pub twice a month, it was something at least.  
The whole gang would all meet up at Comic-Con and other fan conventions on occasion. These he enjoyed, looked forward to, ticking off the days to the main event like a wedding, on his classic car calendar.  
He particularly couldn't wait to have fun with his amazing Kingston once more, oh and Karen and Arthur and fun they did have at photo ops and question time, but then just when his heart was almost full once more, it broke. He had to say goodbye again, go back to the darkness after a brief flash of glaring light.  
It broke his soul….it killed him, in fact, to know that things would never be the same again between them as they once were. They were drifting further and further away like a dingy out at sea in an endless storm. He felt like Tom Hanks in Castaway, stretching his arm out with no chance in hell of getting it back, shouting Wilson...WILSON!!

Matt had made some new friends, well acquaintances to put it correctly, in comparison.  
One friend he guessed was particularly alluring...Dan the Man from Zombies...he took him under his wing relentlessly and showed him a good time when he was down in the dumps along with his other mates and it just went from there. Dan was very persistent with him...a forceful nature in a way...but the only person he could call a friend at the time as he was always around... he always pestered and poked him until he got the answer he wanted out of him.  
Over time Matt would just simply say yes to anything they said! Dan and his mates treated him like a king while manipulating him into certain situations in a drunken stupor….they encouraged him to forget his shit and grasp his celebrity status by the bollocks and rule the world basically!  
Live as you please and drink like a fish and shag in-between and then shag some more with extras. Then you must do it all over again because you can...because you just can and there's nobody to stop you...in the end...not even yourself!!

Eventually though after enough scandalous parties and meaningless shags, along with questionable faces when he entered an audition late or walked onto sets wearing sunglasses in winter and smelling like a British brewery.  
Things finally become clear after his 2 years of moving on since `Who`...and he didn't want it anymore. He didn't want any of it!  
It was all just shit!  
He had nobody to turn to, well that wasn't true...maybe he did but he just couldn't anymore because he was ashamed of himself. He'd fallen from grace and couldn't find a rope to tie around his bloody neck. So he did the next best thing he could think of and that was to pop however many painkillers he had in the bathroom cabinet and sleep away the rest of his life!

(`Oh yeah, i tried to kill myself didn't i?... Well that didn't go to plan did it?`)

The doctor came into the room and asked him a variety of simple questions which he answered robotically. He was drained of all emotions to be honest, even seeing his Sister stood beside Arthur with tears in her eyes wasn't enough to pull him out of this state of numb existence.  
The doctor checks through some stuff, fiddles with a few machines then eventually leaves the room in silence!  
Laura approaches and takes his hand as Arthur pulled a chair up for her to sit on.  
He waited for them to begin!

“Matt what were you thinking...you should have phoned me...or Arthur ...Mum, Dad ...anyone instead of this!”  
Matt looked down uncaring and numb, then shrugged, “wasn't thinking really...just did it Laura!”  
She shook her head, “Your lucky Arthur found you when he did, any longer and you wouldn't have made it.”  
Matt looked up to Arthur, “guess i should thank you then i suppose,” he raised his eyebrows “Thanks Arthur”... 

He didn't mean it...he didn't want to be saved...this nightmare would have been over with by now and he was sure there would have been sexy angels!  
Arthur came closer…” your mum and dad went for a break, I told them to go get some rest after two days in the hospital waiting for you to wake up.  
I’ll just nip out to phone them and let them know you're awake now...your mum was hysterical..so you might want to prepare for her entrance!”  
Matt scoffed and nodded as Arthur left, `great` he thought! 

(`everyone is now going to treat me like some fragile vase and play pass the parcel with me trying to unwrap all my `whys` as to my reasons for `why` I did this to myself.  
This is going to be awesome, i can't freaking wait, thanks again Arthur for your quick response, hope you didn't use tongues in my mouth by the way i've not been too sanitary lately!... Hmm Perhaps I should just tell them to put me in a straight jacket and padded room now, just to save time?`)

After Matt's parents had been and treated him more like a child than they did when he was 6 and after his sister scolded him for being so blase and uncaring about the circumstances either about himself or the people around him. And after hearing the words mention of Depression and clinics and psychologists being tossed around verbally from the doctors to the few people in the room while Matt waited as a bystander awaiting a bus to get the hell out of dodge.  
There was a brief moment of silence where he could breathe a little stale air.

The clinically white room slowly became empty like his sole within and he was alone with his battling thoughts once more. He shut his eyes as tiredness took hold and he wished it all away...shit...will this godforsaken winter ever end?

Another day passed and Arthur had come calling again, spitting verbal diarrhea that so obviously was trying to make him feel better but having very little effect... Chatting about work and how Kaz was gonna kick his arse brutally when she's finished filming in America! Most of his conversation was lost to a mass of fused words eventually though, as Matt would frequently zone in and out of consciousness to be brutally within himself once more.

“ALEX………”

A word in the mass of endless futile words caught his attention abruptly like a sudden sting from a wasp...he jerked up in response. “Back up, back up a minute Arthur...what did you say about Alex?”

“I said Alex has been calling twice a day...since the first day you were admitted.”  
Matt sighed, wondering what she must think of him, “oh.. um what...what did she say?”

“Well, the first time she phoned she was a hysterical emotional mess of course! Asking why nobody saw this coming and she should have been a better friend, that she let you down among other things...bla bla blaa!  
The next time she was slightly fuming to say the least...so glad i wasn't in the same room to be honest...shouting at me through the phone and using a string of creative curse words, some of which I presume was in German! I also think I heard something smash in the background when she started on about that dick guy Danny and his mates who you've been seen hanging around within the rags! Then she went on about why you ignored her last few texts while she was in London and wanted to meet for coffee, !...”  
He sighed “And then she's just been phoning for updates mate, she in LA at the moment. She stressing though...obviously... You know how Alex gets about the people she cares about...and she thinks the world of you...probably chewed her bottom lip off worrying! ”

Matt played with the crisp white sheet over his legs…It was the first time he had actually felt bad about causing someone to worry over him.  
”I couldn't see her Arthur...i just couldn't!”

Arthur stood to leave, pouring Matt a glass of water before he left, “Well perhaps you should call her when you get out Matt ...you shouldn't push your real friends away like that...because those people you've been hanging around with ...they don't care about you mate...not really! But we do!  
You should get some rest pal ok, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah... K...um thanks Arthur”

Matt shut his eyes to visions of Alex, while he played around wistfully with memories of days past in his head...  
Her smile, her eyes, the cute bump of her nose that wrinkles when she's being cheeky. The husky sound of her voice and that fantastic laugh vibrating his insides like a steam train through a dark tunnel.  
He doesn't know how long he had lied there brewing of her creative innuendos, he thinks he especially spent a long time wondering how she tended to her amazing hair every morning.  
She must use the elder wand that's tucked away in her bra, stolen from that bald Slytherin wanker...it's the only theory he can come up with. 

=====================================================================

Alex had spent the morning busy dropping Salome off at Florans after yet another torturous goodbye. Tidying the house even though the cleaners were due to come by on Thursday for a thorough blow through while she was away. And then had just finished packing her suitcase and hand luggage ready to leave LA for London tomorrow evening.  
She had a read through planned for a theatre production that she would be doing in the West End soon, but more to her concerned mind though she was just terribly anxious to get back to the UK so she could go and see Matt.  
Her sister had phoned last week at a ridiculous hour in the morning and said that she had been sent a link to a photo of an ambulance outside Matt Smith's London flat.  
Alex had immediately hung up and phoned Arthur to see what the hell was going on and it was after much persuasion and fierce threats about lying to friends when he had finally broke and told her in confidence about the apparent pills he had taken.  
Her heart sank, no, in fact, it broke completely shattered it into a zillion pieces.  
No statement had been issued about Matt’s apparent suicide attempt, only simply that he had drunkenly fallen and banged his head after a crazy night out! That was the story that was circling the web anyways and it was easy to believe because he was an exceptionally clumsy being even without alcohol.  
Alex wanted to be there immediately! She could very easily have got on the next plane out of America and hailed a cab straight out from Heathrow direct to the hospital and marched down its corridors into his room to throw her arms around him furiously and to hold him so tremendously tightly like she would never let him fall into the void of despair again…. no question about it.  
She longed to be there for him!  
In reality though it was obvious that his family would have taken priority first over her perhaps unwanted presence.  
She knew that she was due to fly out anyway soon for the read-through and whatnot, so she just had to be patient. She could rely on Arthur for updates and try to hold out a little bit longer until things had settled around his family and then she supposed she wouldn't feel like she was pushing her way through.

She just wanted to talk with him, let him know that she was there if he needed to talk. Alex knew what it was like to get so low that you just wanted out...She understood it, had felt it before, but even so, she also couldn't accept it! She couldn't visualize it with him…No, not her Darling Doctor!

Matt was always so excitable, incredibly funny and so passionately caring of everybody.  
He was an extremely delicious barrel of goodness...with a tendency to flirt tirelessly with anyone just to make them feel special. How could he have become this...how could he have done this to himself ...Why ...?  
Alex's phone broke her from her troublesome thoughts as she sat on the bed next to her case pondering these things.  
She pulled the phone out of her jeans pocket and looked at the caller ID `Daddy Pond`

She took a deep breath, “Hi Arthur”  
“Alex, has Matt called you?”  
She stood up at the strange hasty tone of Arthur's voice “What, no he's not phoned, what's this about Arthur...is he ok?”  
She heard him sigh through the line, kinda stuck before he spoke, “He's gone Alex...we can't find him... he discharged himself from hospital last night! I've phoned everywhere, we went to his flat but he wasn't there...a lot of his clothes were missing though so he must be going somewhere...but he's not in his right mind Alex, he could be anywhere...he left his phone at home so we have no way to contact him!”

Alex’s heart was racing a marathon...she had to sit back down again before she fell down, She felt sick and swallowed anxiously, “have you tried Karren yet? “  
“Yes but she's still filming, I couldn't get through, i will try again...please let me know if he calls you Alex!”  
Alex rubbed her forehead trying desperately to ease the tension that had already resided there with increasing worry, “I will do and please let me know as soon as you find him Arthur!”  
“I will Alex, i will”

The rest of the day went by in a bit of a blur, she spent most of it pacing around the living room like a caged animal, waiting for a call from anyone and trying desperately to contain herself from phoning Arthur back after the first 3 times of unsuccessful news, untrustingly thinking that they had perhaps had already found him and just forgot to let her know in the chaos.  
She was just scrubbing the already very clean surfaces of the kitchen vigorously trying to keep busy for a little while longer before she could attempt to at least try and get some rest for her flight back to the UK tomorrow...when there was a gentle knock at the door.  
She huffed to herself and threw the cloth in the sink.  
She paced down the white-tiled hallway and flung open the door violently ready to give her peace of mind and point her finger frighteningly close to whichever knob postal service it was, about delivering items that needed signing for this late in the evening...when she suddenly stopped shocked at the unexpected mirage that greeted her!

In the smallest and faintest voice she had ever heard him speak, he wearily looked up at her from under his blue polo baseball cap that he had obviously used to try and conceal his identity a bit ...“Hi Kingston”


	2. Together Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Alex are a mix of emotions in this chapter..it was a difficult one to write as i wasn't sure how Alex would be feeling...obviously she would be upset about his whole suicide attempt but i wanted somehow express her anger in there too which was difficult, because Matt is in such a delicat place...why didn't he ask for help...why had he ignored her last few attempts at contact...hopefully it comes across ok and not too harsh on Matt, obviously she gives him lots of cuddles and there is still lots of playful flirting x x  
As always love feedback it helps if it's going wrong lol

She stood there stock still looking at him with her mouth ajar trying to process rather unsuccessfully that Matt Smith was actually stood on the front steps of her LA Home! He was looking deathly ill in all honesty, wearing his tight-fitting jeans and band t-shirt with his sunglasses hooked over the neckline and a suitcase plonked by his feet.  
It wasn't until he actually wobbled and grabbed hold of the door frame to steady himself did she awake from her apparent trance-like state.  
“Matt ...oh my god Matt, what the hell are you doing here!”  
She threw her arms around his neck quickly with possessive grip and he slowly brought his arms around her waist taking a deep breath to breathe her fully into his lungs! He finally breathed out to relax and let go as if he had just completed the biggest test known to man just to get here to be with her...God, she was worth it!  
He spoke again with a quiver in his voice that pained her insides like torturing needles, “didn't think i was gonna get here...was harder than I thought it would be...bit shaky on me pins ya know!”  
She pulled back after feeling his arms shaking around her...he was ill... fucking hell he was in a lot of trouble and mental instability and she knew it!

“Let's get you inside darling, come on”  
He swallowed nervously while he rolled his case slowly through the door. She made him leave it by the entrance noticing how week he was, she guided him straight over to the sofa in the main room with an arm around his waist as if he was some kind of drunkard. He was weak and exhausted as he slumped on the sofa.  
She crouched down before him and pulled off his baseball cap so she could take a good look at him properly while caressing his cheek gently with her hand in a soothing manner.  
He closed his eyes and hummed at the softness and warmth of her touch.  
“Matt darling I've missed you so, so much and I've been so unbelievably worried about you” She sighed, looking over his fragile frame “but you should be here Matt...you should be in a hospital! What the hell were you thinking of coming all the way out here in this state? Your unwell darling, you need a doctor!”  
He shook his head, running a shaky hand through his hair...“I just ...i dunno...i just wanted to...i...i needed to see you...I'm sorry, i can go if you prefer”  
He made to try and stand and she held him down firm, stating her higher authority over his immediately.

“Oh no you don't, I'm not letting you out of my site Mr! You will stay here and you are not to leave this house until we figure all of this out...do i make myself clear Matthew?  
Matt gave a slight smirk as he nodded at her rubbish attempt to sound forcefully strict with him.  
She noticed his slight amusement in his features and narrowed her eyes to tell him off with her own silent response, but was annoyingly unable to control the slight curve of her lips that engaged his all too familiar action. It was somewhat a comfort to know that he was still in there somewhere and engaging with her in their own unique and familiar way!  
She stood to gather herself and assume responsibility like the mother hen she was.

“ Well, first things first... I really need to phone back home for you darling, everybody's been so worried about you, I need to let them know where you are and that you're safe! Then i will make us a nice cup of tea and something to eat, while we figure out what to do yeah?”  
Matt rubbed his tired eyes as he trembled and swallowed heavily, obviously trying to contain his emotions with great difficulty, ”dont...dont let them take me back Alex...i dont...i cant be in hospital...please there on about a clinic for me or something...or...or going to live with me mum and dad awhile. I don't want it right now Alex...please don't send me back Kingston...i can't handle it just yet, I just want some quiet time with you...I'll feel better with you... I know it!”

He began to sob brokenly and if her heart wasn't already shattered right now ...then in this very second her whole soul collapsed in on itself. Her threatening tears that's she had tried desperately to maintain since he first appeared on her doorstep finally started to fall, while she failed to control her own emotions about the broken man in front of her  
How on earth had she let this happen to him? He was severely broken, what kind of shit friend was she?  
Alex knew the business like the back of her hand and she guided him on his very first day in Who. She had felt like it was her responsibility to mentor him back then when Moffet had given the green light to nurture him and show him the way. When did she stop? Why did she stop?  
After `Who` it should have been her priority to help him adjust to films and other projects! After all, she had a similar experience of being on a big show too and when she left after her many years on ER it was even difficult for her to adjust.  
The difference though was that Alex had already been a seasoned Actress before that... she knew the game and what it entailed and how to go about it. She had many years of experience in the acting community...and dealing with the brutality of it all.  
Matt didn't... he had very little experience with something so big. He had been thrust into the limelight straight into playing the main character of The Doctor no less, in Britain's most beloved and longest-running TV show practically from the get-go.  
He had done it for nearly 3 and a bit years and it takes a lot of sacrifice and pressure that gets more stable over time to work on a show as the only Lead character. Eventually, it becomes homely over time playing the same person every day and being with the same people... you become content and find strange comfort from it in fact. Matt had barely known anything else before that, he had no experience in the rest of the industry about how harsh and brutal it could be, with no real stability moving from one project to another in the space of a few weeks or months.  
It was then that he would have really needed help and support with adjusting and it was then that everyone who he thought were his real friends had let him down.  
She should have been there for him more ...the guilt she felt as she looked at him now was immense.  
She sat on the sofa next to him wrapping him up and shushing him gently while he curled into her with tears streaming down his face like an injured child.  
“I’ve got you darling, it's going to be ok, but listen to me please ok, just listen...i do understand that you don't want to go back Matt, i do. And I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do... I would never! But please at least let me phone for a doctor of mine to come and look at you first thing tomorrow...please Matt...that's all I ask.  
I’m pretty sure you would have been on some kind of medication or something at the hospital and i will ask Arthur to send me details if that's ok with you so we can at least get you back on track with something to help make you feel a bit better yeah?..is that ok?..Thats all i ask darling and i won't send you anywhere you don't want to go i promise”  
Matt settled his breathing calming somewhat in relief that she wasn't going to send him away, he rested his head on her chest feeling drained but relaxed now “ok...that's um, thanks...that's ok”

Alex left Matt settled on the sofa after she had taken his shoes off and got him to lie down begrudgingly a bit while she made some calls back to the UK and some extra strong tea, like the multitasking wizard she was.  
When she finally came back through to the lounge he had already fallen asleep.  
He looked so peaceful even if he was pale and even thinner than usual...but nothing a few good home-cooked meals would sort out. Food, she could do for him at least...he's probably been living off takeaways and alcohol for god only knows how long she thought!  
She grabbed a throw from the back of the sofa and placed it over him gently tucking him in and leaning carefully into place a delicate kiss on his forehead as her hand ran fingers tenderly through his dark floppy hair...it had grown back a bit since the last time she saw him!  
She wondered what possessed him to come here? Thinking back, he said he just wanted some quiet time with her... that he would feel better with her, what did he mean by that? How could she possibly help him? All that she knew was that she was willing to do anything to make him feel like Matt again...she would bloody well rip her own beating heart out just to give him to give his rhythm again!

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matt woke slowly as an incredible smell of a cooked breakfast penetrated his nostrils and a low drone of music echoed through the walls.  
He sat slowly and dazed-looking around trying to remember where he was as he swung his legs around only to be surprised when his feet landed on a rumpled makeshift bed that was on the floor directly beside the sofa. He finally remembered where he was and looked at the mini-camp set up with a fond expression, knowing full well who had slept there, keeping guard over him.  
He stood a bit unsteadily on jelly legs to follow where the noise and enticing smells were coming from.  
This was the first time Matt had ever been in Alex’s LA home, it was bigger than he thought it would be and more modern than her home back in the UK, she never stopped surprising him.  
He stopped to check out a few photos that graced the walls in the hall and smiled at the cheeky princess that appeared in most of them. He even came across a few of himself stood with his arms around Salome sat on the Tardis console both pulling ridiculous faces.  
He chuckled to himself, remembering that day vividly of Alex taking those pictures and how she was trying so desperately just to get them to do a nice smile like two normal respectable human beings...oh how much fun they had winding her up that day. 

“Ahh you're awake...about time too, i was just about to pull the hose pipe through from outside and give you a morning shower”  
Matt turned to see Alex standing there barefoot, wrapped in her short silky floral robe, with her hair tied roughly back haphazardly as if trying to contain the morning mayhem it must obviously produce! She looked so natural and beautiful. He felt a tinge of a blush and turned abruptly back to the pictures once more. “Was just remembering this day when Sal came … you got a bit mad with us and threatened to take away our jammie dodgers and pringles from our secret hiding place if we didn't behave!”  
Alex stepped closer to look at the picture he was referring to.  
He felt the warmth of her body as she linked her arm with his and leaned into him placing her head gently on his shoulder, she sighed reminiscing, “I was so worried about her being bored on set while i had to work...you always made it fun for her on those kinds of days and even though i pretended to be frustrated with everything sometimes. I was so grateful for the way you entertained her and made it fun...it meant a lot to me...to both of us!  
He pressed a delicate kiss on her head, “Thanks Kingston, although i think it was more for my own benefit than yours! I loved spending time with you girls, it was my favorite thing to be honest, I cherished those fun playful days!”  
Alex pulled away and looked at him carefully, with a very serious rather solemn expression, that he didn't like to see on her.  
“I'm sorry I haven't been there for you Matt...i ...i should have tried harder to see you, to talk with you. We drifted apart and we shouldn't have! You're a great friend Matt and one that i have always felt so incredibly connected with because we are so similar in personality... but...i fear i have let you down dreadfully! I let you slip away and I'm so sorry darling.”

Alex was holding back tears not wanting to cry in front of him, he looked so tired so defeated and vulnerable...where was her Matt?  
“ I didn't want it to be like this... and I have missed you terribly darling!”

Matt scratched his cheek, guiltily for making her feel that way, “it's not your fault Alex...please don't ever think that! It's nobody's fault but my own, I just took the wrong route, got naively involved with the wrong people and got lost in transit, that's all!”  
He sighed “ I just got stuck unable to see a way out and I know that you know how that feels Alex, I know you understand to some extent what it feels like...you probably understand more than anyone else that I know in my life. I feel like I can't talk with anyone else about this but you!”  
She nodded thinking back to the hopelessness she had felt when her first marriage had ended and how she felt unable to cope in the reality that had been presented to her. She did know what it feels like to feel so lost and alone and if her experience had taught her anything it was to keep Matt talking. Even on the days he didn't want to communicate or didn't want to get out of bed, she needed to keep him focused and channeled with something... anything and encourage him forward. But mostly she needed to make him feel safe and cared for.

“Yes i do understand Matt and i didn't give up with life back then and neither will you right now because now that you're here I won't bloody let you!!!”  
She reached up and ruffled his bed hair fondly, then placed a kiss on his cheek, “Right come along to the kitchen your breakfast is getting cold and you better sodding well eat it or else!!  
They both walked towards deliciously enticing smells of the kitchen, “Or else what...what are you gonna do...spank me?”  
Alex laughed “yes and I'll have you know that's the least I would do!”

“Ohh... promises, promises!”

“Cheeky Sod!”

They sat and ate breakfast with a strange sense of quite opposite each other.  
Alex could see Matts hands still shaking as he struggled to maintain a firm grip on his knife and fork, while he played with his sausage and beans a bit. He caught her watching him and sighed slightly frustrated and resigned...“Sorry, it's lovely Alex, i just feel a bit sick is all, I'm not sure i can eat much more!”  
She reached across to steady his shaking hand to offer some comfort.  
“It's fine Matt, you've had some and that's better than nothing darling...you tried at least!”  
She released his hand and brushed a loose tendril behind her ear,  
“Anyway, You best get a shower soon because I called the Doctor last night and he’s coming over around lunchtime...Um, Arthur said your shaking because you were on some medication at the hospital to counteract all the stuff that was in your system from the tablets you took, so the sooner we can get you back on those the better!”  
Matt nodded and wiped a bit of sweat that had gathered off his brow, “Thanks Alex...i mean for everything...i...i just showed up here without any consideration for whether or not you had plans. I was just so desperate to see you that I didn't think about it and now I feel so bad piling all my problems onto you like this! You never had a choice in the matter. This is your home and I've just been so selfish invading it as I have...i will go...I promise, when the doctors been, i will go back. I really shouldn't have done this to you!”  
Alex immediately shook her curls at the thought and stood to take their finished plates away and over to the sink as she huffed, her contained anger starting to sizzle through. “you will do no such thing Matthew and I do have a choice in the matter, thank you very much!!! I would kick your arse on the next flight out of here if I really wanted to, but if you haven't already gathered it yet I have missed you terribly, so you being here is right exactly where I want you to be. So really, you can stop feeling bloody guilty about all of it and go take a goddamn shower….please!”  
She turned taking a deep breath and crossed her arms, leaning against the counter after her small outburst. Matt gave a small smile and stood steadying himself for a brief moment before he walked over to her and wrapped her up fully like a blanket. Speaking so horsley and close into her neck, that the vibrations kinda made a shiver a bit with its intensity. He jested, “Do I really smell that bad Kingston?”  
She scoffed trying to immediately repress the strange sense of stirring that she had felt with the sound of his voice so close to her ear ...“Yes, like a farmyard darling”

He pulled back “Oy ...anyone ever tell you that you can be far too honest Kingston?”  
She raised her eyebrows at him, “ to be honest I'm just a terrible liar Matt...which is unfortunate for you because you need to phone your mother as she phoned me this morning...good luck with that Stinky!”

Matt's eyes suddenly inflated,“OHHH What...My mother called you...me mum kingston??....Christ i can't believe she did that, so chuffing embarrassing. What on earth did she think she was she doing.”  
Matt groaned and walked to grab his orange juice off the table to have one last swig of his pretend alcohol...because right this second he honestly needed it.  
Alex was rather animated with her hands as she tried to make him understand, “Matt shes your mother and I'm sorry darling but you just tried to kill yourself. You left your phone back home...what was she supposed to do, she loves you, she was scared and worried as the rest of us are? Your so incredibly lucky i stopped her from booking the next flight out here to come get you. At least she found some small piece of mind in knowing that you were seeing a Doctor today!”  
He sighed, “how’d she get your number...who gave it to her?”  
“She said Arthur did, i really didn't mind Matt!”  
He shook his head “Nob..I'll be having words with him!”  
She pointed a finger at him now which shocked him a bit...she had never done that to him before, “Oh no you won't Matthew! Arthur has been a godsend to everyone including me through all of this and not only that...you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. Imagine how he felt finding you like that! Hell, i can't even bare think about it.”  
She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head trying to evade the mental image of Matt lying there on the floor, cold, blue and unresponsive foaming at the mouth. Her body shuddered as she shook the painful image away quickly as she tried to continue, “ And now he's taking care of your family while you've tried to run away from the consequences of your actions...which you can't do forever i might add!... So you will say nothing to Arthur except thank you very much...understood Matt!!”

Matt slumped back down into the chair he was near and put his head in his hands while he shut his eyes, trying to contain the emotion that was about to be unleashed. He hadn't realized ...or maybe he had but it just didn't hit him until now about how much he had put them all through. He didn't realize how selfish he was being...he just couldn't get his damn brain to function normally. He was so incredibly worn out that he couldn't think straight...” your right...i ... I know your right Alex, I'm sorry!”  
He began to sniff while trying to hide his slowly falling tears, she placed her soothing hands over his and brought them away from his face as she was now crouched down in front of him.  
He sighed ...“I’ll call her after my shower Alex ok” wiping away the tears quickly feeling annoyed and embarrassed at how they fell so incontrolable of late.  
She gave him a stern look…she had to be tough with him...she knew this from personal experience...he would quite happily wallow in his own self-doubts and insecurities if she let him...and that would only make him stagnant or sink deeper.  
This was no time for kid gloves. She felt he wasn't going to move forward at all if she treated him as gently as she wanted to. 

He huffed, running his shaking hands frustratedly through his hair, “Give me the goddamn phone... I'll do it now then if i must...you shouldn't be having to deal with her shit too I suppose!” he spat.

It wasn't difficult to see how mixed up Matt was emotionally, and mentally, he could range from being happy to sad and angry or frustrated within the space of a few minutes.  
Alex had been through depression before, she understood its unpredictability...but seeing it on someone who was so very special to her was painful ...it was like he had simply turned into someone else, or regenerated for better a word. For brief moments she could see the old him... the charmingly funny, gentle, clever, considerate, thoughtful and passionate him and then with a flick of a switch he was completely forign to her, he was rash and oblivious, uncaring and frustratedly snappy with everything and everyone. She tried to stay as calm as she could and not get angry with the sharpness of his tone that had uncontrollably spewed out of him!

Taking a deep breath, “I’m a mother Matt... I understand how she feels!”  
Matt nodded and gave a quick glance around as if waking up to reality and realizing that there was someone missing that should have been there too,(yet another flick of a switch) “where’s Sal?? I thought she would be here?”

Alex stood and went back to tidying the breakfast stuff away as she answered nonchalantly “oh, err shes at Florans, I dropped her off yesterday morning!”  
“How come?” Matt shook his head suddenly realizing he was being quite intrusive in her personal life. “Sorry, none of my business,i shouldn't have... I have no control over my verbal abilities right this moment!”  
Placing the butter back in the fridge with a slight chuckle but painfully agreeing with him.. “yeah...I can see that!... It's fine Matt honestly, i was due to go back to London today for a month or so…”  
He looked over at her as she whizzed around the kitchen like a fairy godmother…  
”WHAT!!!.” His mouth was ajar for a moment…” you didn't...i didn't ...shit Alex ...You have a job or something don't you?... Orr shit I'm so sorry, I've messed up your plans, haven't i? Christ, I'm such an arsehole ...what times your flight...can you still make it?”  
She looked at him rolling her eyes at his ridiculous suggestion, “Darling it's fine...i can always get another job, but i can’t get another Matthew can i? ...Besides which... the most important reason for me that I was going back to the UK anyway was because I wanted to see you again! I was so desperate to come sooner, but the flight was already booked and your family were ...well... more important than me ...anyway please don't worry about it now because I most certainly am not!”  
He stood up growling angrily with himself “argh...Alex ...why am i always messing up...i can't get anything right...what's wrong with me...i don't know what the hell I'm doing...!”  
She tutted at his self-loathing and went behind him grasping his shoulders to give him a few marching orders to follow and ushered him forward.

“Well Right now Matt you are going to phone your mother in the living room and tell her that you will be back in about 4 or 5 days or so after you have rested up a bit on your medication. That will give her at least some peace of mind ...Then you are going to get in that bloody shower before the doctor comes without slipping on the tiles or soap like the clumsy giraffe that you are. And then after you have been poked and prodded and highly scrutinized by the doctor for walking out of the hospital in such a state, you are then going to chill out on the sofa with me and watch a few films while i force-feed you your dinner...then popcorn, got it?”  
She came up beside him now while directing him back to the lounge. He glanced her way frowning slightly, then nudged her with his shoulder “Since when did you get so bossy anyways Kingston?”  
She scoffed like he had been completely oblivious to everything that was happening around him...it came out a bit harsher than she imagined it would “since you tried to kill yourself darling!”

He instantly put a hand on her arm to halt her….he was shocked at how direct her response was and that clearly held an undercurrent of anger within it!  
“Kingston...i ...i never meant to hurt you ya know, I know you're angry with me and I'm so sorry I didn't call you or text you back the last few times... I shouldn't have pushed you away like I did and I'm sorry ok….i really am ...i just…..!”  
A Few tears started to fall from her eyes looking at his beautiful but guilt-ridden face..she didn't understand...  
“Then why didn't you Matt? We could have talked about it...i could have helped you get through it ….i thought we were close! I know we don't get to see each other that much now since `Who` but it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be there for you...that...that i don't care or have time for you. You ignored my messages...Why? 

Matt looked to the floor and rubbed his face shuddering slightly “I cant...i can't tell you right now Alex.”  
She went to walk away and he grabbed her arm to halt her again “I will ...i promise i will...just later ok ...i just...i can't... not right now Alex, please don't make me!”  
She nodded, still confused by what he meant and slightly angry at him for his actions, but as always completely incapable of ever resisting those tender pleading hazel eyes of his.  
“Ok...fine..not right now ...right now I want a hug though!”  
He smirked, “there ya go being bossy again Kingston” wrapping her up willingly, reveling in the wonderful feel of her body against his once more as her arms wrapped tightly around his waist…(she always fitted so perfectly, she felt like home)!  
. ”I quite like it actually...is this a taster of what your actually like in the bedroom...i always knew you were a dominant into whips and stuff...just saying!”  
She shook her head immediately giving as good as she got with her comeback... “which reminds me, I best get my bondage stuff and favorite vibrators out of the spare bedroom while you shower...shall I leave you the blow-up doll?”  
He chuckled as his pale cheeks instantly turned to roses “Woah it's too early in the morning woman...mega touche!”  
She pulled back and playfully patted his cheek, “you may try to play with the champion darling, but you'll never be the champion...and you're definitely my favorite blusher!” she winked. 

Matt phoned his mum begrudgingly while Alex gave him some privacy as she went to put his suitcase in the spare bedroom. She decided to put some clean sheets on the bed and then went to her own bedroom to hang some clothes up. She had been in there a few minutes when she startled to a call that echoed through the house...“Alex?”...It felt strange hearing Matts voice suddenly appear through the quiet fog that she had over the years become accustomed to when Salome wasn't around. Her heart skipped a beat as he called for her like a husband trying to locate his wife after a hard day's work...it felt nice in fact, surreal but nice and she knew she would miss it...correction...miss him...When this weird dream was all over!  
“In here Matt?” He followed the sound of her voice and peeked at her through the open door as she was hanging up a few clothes in the wardrobe all domestic like.  
He smiled mischievously, as he waltzed in surveying the area that he had sometimes secretly imagined on private occasions. Well, who wouldn't imagine what Alex Kingston's bedroom looked like?

“Ohh so this is where the Kingston gets her beauty sleep”  
He marched across the spacious room still obviously weak but trying to push through it best he could and flopped out on her ready-made bed like a starfish face down.  
Alex looked over at him amused by his lack of proper restraint...it reminded her of her student days when she and her girlfriends would lounge around in the bedroom discussing acting and boys. What would she and Matt get up to next?...Will they paint each other's nails and braid hair?...knowing Matt that’s a high possibility she mused?  
He lifted his head to speak slightly muffled through the plump lush pillows that he had secretly sniffed and absorbed like a drug. “ Nice n big Alex...comfy too...does it get much action?”  
He rolled over onto his back and bounced his whole body a few times as if to test the humping quality like the naughty boy he was.  
She bit her lip at the sight of him sprawled out on her bed, looking scruffy but sexy as hell, enticing her knowingly with that teasing glint in his eyes that had mysteriously pushed its way through out of the darkness somehow. However brief this was it was a pleasure to see it on his face once again! 

She threw a pair of socks at his jesting, “oh shut up you...it's a pity your unwell though Matthew, we could have probably tested out the springs together to see if they're up to your superior level of heavy thrusting !”  
Matt’s humor faltered as his face went serious for a split second... he stared into her curious eyes as if searching for an answer to a question he didn't yet know how to ask. He swallowed as her expression turned serious in reply to his with its heated forbidden tension threatening to expose itself finally. But before the moment was able to expand she broke it cunningly with a wink and a smirk...changing the subject to one that was begrudgingly and totally off topic, “how was you mother?”... (good distraction Alex, that’ll teach him…` tested the springs out!!!`...Ha...Fuck..what was i thinking!!).

Matt cleared his throat knowing how Alex worked... this was her way of avoiding what she'd just said. She had no filter and he was familiar with her distracting techniques if something escaped her lips without her consent. He wanted to expand on the whole bed springs joke...to flirt more and see where it went. Was there a dormant feeling behind it?... Yes he believed there was...there was definitely something there he was sure...but decided to indulge her and give her the distraction she needed to feel comfortable once more.  
He leaned upon his elbows to reply, “Um She's ok. I think I am now deaf in one ear though after the telling off i got...can't wait to go home in a few days!! `NOT` Anyway...i need to ask, you sure I'm ok staying here till then Alex?...You would say wouldn't you if you wanted to be rid?”

She came and perched her pert bum next to him on the bed, “of course i'm ok with it Matt...i would much rather you have a few days to here to relax and then we can safely get you back home together to sort things out...yeah? I want you to be here darling...kinda nice to have a roomy for a bit if I'm honest, even if you are a cheeky sod!”  
“Um, thanks...i...i really appreciate everything you're doing for me ya know, you really are special to me Kingston...it means a lot and I will never forget it! And please believe me...i won't abandon us again Alex...I promise I won't!!” 

She was silent but nodded, he felt unsure if she believed him though...by the look on her face she held her doubts. Enough men had made promises only to break them with her... they had become invalid, practically pointless and he was now feeling overwhelmingly determined to keep his promise to her, he would never push her away again...perhaps it was slightly selfish on his part...but he really did need her in his life. He had finally come to realize that she was the air to his lungs!  
He shuffled forward to sit beside her..looking down into his lap as he found a loose thread on his jeans to fiddle with. “Spose I best get a shower then cos i stink like a farmyard apparently.  
She scoffed, “Yeah thanks for rolling all over my bed with your manly stink” Sighing “Well come on then darling, I'll show you where the main bathroom is and where the spare room is with your belongings.” 

She patted his knee and stood, he got up beside her and after a small step stumbled backward, she grasped his arm quickly. “steady there Matt, you're not going to pass out in the shower are you?” she looked worried  
“Shit Just a bit tired i think! “ Smirking “Why... wanna join me do you...i have completely no objections to that by the way?” wiggling his eyebrows.  
She looked amusedly at him “You'd get a shock darling and you're already on the verge of collapse...sorry can't risk it...for today anyway!”  
“And to think we have just shared a bed Kingston”  
“You're incorrigible Matt”  
“Perhaps, but i did learn from the very best!”


	3. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another difficult chapter to write...i think i'm finding it difficult because of the inconsistencies between Matts emotions, its difficult to write a character that can change so abruptly like this, plus i dont think i like snappy Matt lol...its so wrong!!!  
Let me know if its making sense or if it completely all over the place...because thats what it feels like at the moment...even though i know where i'm going with this story, its difficult getting there LOL
> 
> ps watch out for Bad Boy Dan in about another 3 chapters, i plan for him to make an entrance at some point!

Matt showered safely and without injury, much to Alex's Relief! She was so worried that he might slip or collapse in his weakened state that she almost suggested staying with him in the bathroom just to make sure he was okay. She felt an overwhelming need not to leave him alone for too long and a great sense of responsibility knowing that he had come to her in a moment of need. He hadn't gone to his parents, or his sister, or his many other friends that she knew existed…..he had chosen to come to her...why? What could she possibly have to offer him? How could she help him any more than anyone else could?  
Of course, she knew in herself that she would do anything for him, that was not a question. He meant the world to her and if she were being true to herself which she usually tried not to be about such personal matters of the heart, he actually meant a lot more than that!...  
But it was a strange feeling to know that he wanted to be there with her. That he had felt the desperate need to leave the hospital in the middle of the night and hop on a plane amidst the panicking fear of collapse and failure, just because he wanted to see her face and hear her voice for some form of comfort, that couldn't be explained to either of them!

She had felt the need not to leave him alone last night when he fell asleep on the sofa through sheer exhaustion. Of coarse she couldn't have carried him up to the spare room on her own, she was River Fucking Song, not Captain Marvel. She really didn't want to leave him downstairs alone in case he woke to forget where he was, or became worse and needed a doctor, which is why she camped out on the floor beside him. She had done it many times before when Salome use to make dens in the room so it was no big deal to her. But the idea of him waking up alone or the fact that he could perhaps just leave and disappear again if he wasn't thinking straight kept her awake most of the night anyway. Just listening to him breath and the occasional shuffle was at least some comfort that he was ok...for now!

The doctor finally came and Alex was unsure whether to leave them alone together or not. She obviously wanted to know what was going on because at this moment in time she felt like his primary carer not only his friend but at the end of the day, this was very personal to Matt and in all reality none of her business even if it was painful to digest.  
She suggested that she would go make a cup of tea for them all in case Matt didn't want her listening in to what the doctor was saying or if he felt embarrassed by her watching the checks he was doing.  
As she went to leave Matt took her hand swiftly in a tightening grip, “Don’t go” He almost looked panicked that she was about to leave him alone in the room with the doctor. She smiled comfortingly and sat down next to him on the sofa...he kept his grip firm as if to keep her securely in place, but she never let on it was too tight and never retrieved her hand back until she had to when the Doctor wanted to listen to Matt's chest.  
He lifted his shirt and even joked at her trying to lighten the mood through his nervousness, “Don't be eyeing up my 6 pack of ribs Kingston!” They chuckled a bit, but after that though he instantly took her hand in his once again, like it was a usual habit, something that they always did. 

Alex didn't say anything about it to him, why would she...he needed support right now and she would rip her own limb off if it would help him regain some sort of balance again...his confidence back!  
She gave him what he needed and that was strength! He was holding her hand so tightly as the doctor spoke with him frankly about his suicide attempt and the antidepressants he was prescribing, as well as suggesting some sort of counseling for when he returned to the Uk in a couple of days.  
He needed her to hold him together right now and if he let go of her he would fall, for that he was certain. She was determined as she squeezed his hand back and gave him a look that spoke volumes through her eyes to his, (`i will never let you fall again my love!`)

The doctor finally left and they were both able to relax a bit happier in the fact that he was doing ok and that he was back on some form of medication to help him feel better.  
Alex had gone upstairs to get a blanket for Matt as he waited on the sofa patiently scrolling through Netflix, not that he was cold or anything, but he guessed she just felt the need to mother him a bit! He indulged her pampering without complaining, it was the least he could do after all the worry and stress he had put her through!  
“Found a Film?”  
“Nah nowt good, but I found season 6 of Doctor who...ever scene it?”  
She shook her head and covered him with the blanket like a sick child having a day off school.  
“You nostalgic idiot!” She sighed “. Get it started then and I'll go make us a bite to eat...so you can take your other tablets with some food on your tummy.  
He saluted and said something that perhaps he shouldn't have because Alex was anything but...but even so, he couldn't help the feeling of how belittled he suddenly felt through all of this. “Yes, Mum!”  
She turned to him swiftly firing daggers that would murder anyone within range...(`shit he was in range`)…. “you seriously did not just say that to me Matthew!”  
He cleared his throat a bit, kinda scared...no terrified in fact, but wanting to get it out all the same, even if there was a risk of death...he’d been so close to it anyway so what the hell. “Well yeah i did, it's just...i’m ok Alex, you don't need to wait on me hand and foot ya know...i’m not an invalid….i appreciate everything you're doing for me, i do...but I'm not six!!”  
She didn't say anything to him, she just nodded quietly which was most disturbing and just turned continuing to do what she was going to do anyway.  
This made him feel even more guilty than ever. Fifteen minutes later she brought him a tray out like a waitress, with a ham salad sandwich and a drink with his tablets placed next to them neatly...the only thing missing was a small vase of flowers.  
She placed it on his lap as he straightened up and stared at her face trying to gauge if she was still mad at him! She just smiled and sat down at the other side of the sofa curling her legs up to watch The Impossible Astronaut intently. Yes, she was still mad at him!  
Matt sighed and started to eat his sandwich which was a struggle because he had no appetite lately but to be honest he was scared of what might happen if he didn't!  
They sat there in silence, watching while he ate the whole thing and then took his tablets as a good boy should!  
Alex kept a close watch out of the corner of her eye and felt great satisfaction when he had polished the lot…(`yeah guilt-tripping him into eating was well worth the fifteen minutes of hell`)...better let him off the hook now she thought!  
“Would you like mother to fetch you desert?” (`Well perhaps just a little more Guilt thrown in for good measure wouldn't hurt!`)  
He placed the tray on the floor sighing, still feeling bad, “I’m fine thanks, I'm so sorry Alex i didn't mean to offend you, you've been so amazing looking after me ...i didn't mean to…”  
She broke him off by laughing through her fingers, which confused him now, ….” Alex?”

“Darling it's fine...i was only bloody messing with you to get you to eat something...i should be the one whos sorry... I can be a cruel manipulative bitch sometimes...i just wanted you to eat Matt...that's all honestly, I'm sorry darling, even though it worked a treat!”  
Matt stared at her with his mouth open trying to comprehend everything she had just said…then swiftly grabbed the cushion from behind his back and threw it at her when he finally realized her god awful trick…..“OY, KINGSTON!!...What the hell, that's bloody mean!!”  
She giggled naughtily and shuffled up to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and placing her head on his shoulder to apologize again, but this time with physical affection, “I’m sorry darling, you should already know that I'm a mean mother!”  
He chuckled now, slightly relieved if anything else, as his arm wrapped around her adoringly, “Kingston your anything but a mum to me...especially when your naked in my dreams doing kinky stuff !”  
She slapped his chest playfully “Wanker!”  
He sighed and settled back to watching the TV again, but couldn't resist placing a delicate kiss on her forehead as she snuggled deeper into him, “Thanks Kingston, your naughty but nice!”  
She smiled as they chilled out together for the rest of the evening, totally content and happy in each other's company!

Matt fell asleep about an hour later and Alex slowly pulled out of his embrace being careful not to wake him. She pulled the blanket back over his body and brushed his fringe away gently not to wake him. He looked so at peace in this moment and she wished it would last for him, but she knew reality would not be so kind. It was going to take time for him with many ups and downs still to come, Alex knew she had been a bit sharp with him throughout the day, or very strict lately as he had so eloquently put it. The anger of what he had gone and done to himself still dwelled within her!  
She was holding onto her dwindling emotions by a single thread and wanted nothing more than to yell and scream at him and cry tears of hurt and betrayal, then slap him senseless for doing this to himself... for ignoring her calls, for not asking anyone to help even if it wasn't her!  
She couldn't do that though could she? Looking at him now so fragile and pale, but peaceful and beautiful, her heart swelled with pride….pride because he was fighting it now! He chose to be with someone he trusted, he hadn't run away from her...not yet anyway! He got up and battled his way through two mouthfuls of breakfast, he attempted a shower and got dressed by himself. He let the doctor come and do what he had to do even though he was scared and uncomfortable in the process and then he finally ate his sandwich... all of it without protest, even if he was tricked into it!  
It was all so very little to anyone looking in from the outside, but she knew how very hard every step of that was for him to take. Like a toddler learning to walk he would stumble every so often but keep trying to move forward...he had been brave, brave enough to face another day!  
She made a silent promise to herself to help him every step of the way for as long as he would allow...not only because she wanted to but because of the love she held for him wouldn't allow anything less from her!!

An hour or two later Matt stumbled upon Alex in the kitchen, She was mixing something in a bowl, but smiled brightly when she saw him enter. “Hey sleepyhead, how are you feeling?”  
He lethargically sank down into one of the kitchen chairs, “I'm ok thanks...Sorry, must have nodded off ...think I drooled on me shirt a bit! ...Um what ya making Kingston?”  
She brought the bowl up so he could have a peek inside, “chocolate cake!.”  
His eyes lit up at the chocolatey mixture and he went to stick a finger in dying to get a taste of the deliciousness she had magically created.  
“OY...Naughty!” She slapped his hand cruelly away, as he pouted sulking, then went to the tin on the side of the unit and started to scrape the mixture inside.  
He stood up and walked over to watch her enthusiastically as she emptied out the bowl, “Oh come on...how long until?….. When will it be ready Alex?...Can we eat it today?”  
She couldn't help but laugh at his childish innocence and eagerness about something so trivial, “Well someone appears to have their appetite back, don't they?.... Here for being such a good boy you can lick the spoon clean”  
She handed him the chocolate covered spoon and his eyes lit up like firecrackers as he snatched the spoon out of her grasp like a man deprived and wasted no time in devouring the mixture while speaking in an almost incomprehensible way.  
“Oh...me god...so...um good...um gimme bowl...want bowl too!”  
She laughed more and slid the bowl across to him so he could scrape the remnants off the side, “please don't make yourself sick Matthew and the cake will be ready later so be patient then it's all yours, and it's not even Friday!”  
He started to scrape the bowl out with a euphoric passion “I knew I came here for a reason Kingston, you're the best, you really are!”  
Shaking her head but extremely satisfied he was happy for now, she placed the tin into the hot oven to bake.  
Later on in the evening, they chatted through dinner and after a short break for their tummies they finally had Matt’s delicious Chocolate cake!

Night Time soon approached and Matt had readied for bed in his stripey pajama bottoms, no top, then walked out of the bathroom after he had finished brushing his teeth when he bumped into Alex wearing her silky green camisole and shorts. They both flustered a bit trying indecisively to get past one another, but kinda liking the closeness even if the atmosphere had suddenly turned a bit tense for some reason.  
“S...sorry...I'm just going to bed now Alex!” She flushed a bit,... “Oh I'm just getting a glass of water then going myself, you know where I am if you need anything Matt!”  
Smirking...”Anything!!!” he teased breaking the tension a bit and raising his eyebrows suggestively.  
Right…..after that cheeky boy look he'd just given her, she was determined to make him blush now before bed now...the stakes were high... but she could do it, she was a professional for god sakes!  
She instantly set her face to desire and leaned in closer with waves of seduction rolling off of her in abundance, whilst whispering as low and enticing as possible... “Anything Darling!!!”  
She pulled away slowly, still eye-fucking him all over, “but make sure you knock first sweetie, i could be playing with my rabbit later and might be in a compromising position... besides it's quite hot tonight so I'll have to sleep naked!” She ran her hands delicately down the buttons across her breasts as she spoke.  
And there was the blush she had been waiting for!… Mission complete …(`i’m so bloody talented! `)  
She wasn't finished quite just yet though because, for her grand finale, she turned and did the thing that she knew killed him every damn time she did it. She swayed her curvaceous hips teasingly as she walked away and turned her head over her shoulder like a sexual demon to pucker her luscious lips showering invisible kisses at him, then with a wink of an eye she waltzed into her room like the bloody sexy kinky minx she was.  
Matt groaned heavily trying to ignore his penis that had been shockingly provoked before he shouted down to her, “Night Kingston...i hate you!”  
She shouted back her reply with a laugh in her voice, “Night Matthew ...No you don't!”  
He chuckled still slightly flustered that she had put the image of her naked in bed with her rabbit into his mind. Oh well, suicide didn't work out so good, but Alex Kingston was definitely going to kill him. 

Three hours had passed he thinks and Matt was still lying there unable to sleep.  
Night times were the worst for him and he knew it was entirely his fault! His body had become accustomed to alcohol-fueled evenings that went straight through into the early hours of the morning most nights...his routine was...well there was no routine anymore and it was difficult to find one again. He gave up trying eventually and huffed as he threw the covers off and sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed, placing his head in his hands and just sat there for a long while stewing over events of the last week.  
God how is he ever going to get his life back on track again ...would that even be possible...did he even want to? He thought about how nervous he was feeling just thinking about going back to the UK to face reality once more, his family, his career, his disruptive so-called mates/bad influences...that could so easily lure him back if he weakened even for a second!  
How was he going to cope, how could he survive now if he couldn't before, what's changed for him?….Nothing...he still feels like nothing ...but...but Alex is coming back for a bit...she said she would be there for him...but for how long? She would have to leave again at some point and then where will he be? He finally had to face the facts... he was fucked... completely fucked and weak….he was still nothing…...!

“Matt?”  
He looked up to see Alex stood in the doorway looking concerned he didn't say anything for a moment just stared at her with pained a pained expression.  
She took another step inside the darkened room that was only lit up with the moonlight beaming in through the window. “I’m sorry, I just felt like I needed to check on you darling...are you ok?”  
He shrugged his shoulders then shook his head silently trying to stop from crying and she instantly came to sit beside him and flicked the bedside lamp on, as she wrapped an arm around his bare back.  
“What wrong, do you feel sick, want me to call a doctor?” She lifted her delicate hand to his forehead to feel his temperature worriedly, he closed his eyes briefly enjoying the feel of her soothing touch before he spoke!  
“No,...no, I'm ok...i just can't sleep Alex... I have all these thoughts racing through my head and i can't shake them...they won't go away and it's driving me insane...i just ...i don't know what i’m doing Kingston” He sighed clearly on the verge of tears but trying his best to hold out as long as he could!  
“what i should be doing ...what I've already done...everything...it's one gigantic mess and I don't know where to start to make things right again...I just feel like i can't breath sometimes when i think about it...i can't make it go away and I can't fix it to make it better!”

She listened to him while soothingly rubbing his arm to offer any form of comfort she could, “it's going to take time Matt... there is no quick fix here I know...but you'll get through this darling... you will, I'll make sure of it! Perhaps it would help if you talked about it instead of trying to bottle it all up...what's been going through your mind? Can you tell me anything?”

He shrugged his shoulders sighing, “ohhh i dunno Alex, its too many things to count. Mostly I just feel like I let everyone down, i know i did... my fans, my family, my friends...you! I can’t turn back the clock and change the things I've done, i know i can't...but... I just want to!”  
He rubbed his face with his hand, clearly tired and frustrated, “I just wish things had been different ya know...that i hadn't been so weak and that I didn't become such a...such a monster!  
She shook her head trying to look at him as he dropped his head to hide his face away from her shamefully...she lifted his chin with gentle hands to turn him to look at her, staring into his worrisome eyes, she spoke with conviction... “you are not a monster Matt!”  
He scoffed and shook his head to disagree, shaking away from her grip somewhat, “yes...yes I am Alex...you don't know half the things of what I've done this past year...its vile, it's disgusting and i hate myself every day for it!  
That's why I didn't text you or call you ya know ... I was ashamed of myself Alex...I was ashamed of what I was doing and i didn't want you to see it, to see me that way!”  
He looked down again, while she rested her hand on his shoulder, “Matt i would never have seen anything else but you darling! Yes,I might have yelled at you and given you a good slap for being a dick or whatever...but, please... I hate to think you couldn't just call and talk to me about it...to ask me for advice or help...anything... I would always have been there for you...i will always be there for you if you just let me in!”

Matt stood up and walked to look out of the window and rubbed the tension that was throbbing in his brow before turning to her.  
“You really wanna know what i was doing the last time you texted me Alex?”  
He laughed, but it was one filled with nothing but pain and regret, “well i’ll tell you, your gonna be so fucking impressed Alex!”  
He ran a hand through his hair and paced the room, with tension now erupting off him tenfold, “i was pissed as a skunk in Danny's bedroom with 3 girls before he decided to join us for our Saturday night Orgy. When my phone beeped i ignored it because I had one girl with her tongue down my throat, while the other was undoing my fly...i can't even think about what the other girl was doing...do you want me to go on...because really... I have a number of stories just like that one!  
When i woke up eventually and saw your text asking me if I wanted to meet you at the coffee house and that Sal was over and had missed me. I threw up literally... right over the side of the bed, real classy like...and it wasn't because of the alcohol, it was because I really wanted to see you both...but I just couldn't, could i? I couldn't bear to look at you in the eyes because i fucking hated everything that i was Alex...i wanted to see you...desperately, and of course the Poppet...but i just couldn't!  
I was ashamed...still am, and its not going to go away that shame. I don't deserve your friendship anymore, not that I ever did in the first place anyway. You're too good for me Kingston... always was!

Alex brushed the tears that had fallen down her cheek hastily away that had emerged through his pained confession. But the thing that hurt the most wasn't what he had done, even though that hurt like a knife in the heart if she admitted it to herself, just because it was so unlike him. It was that he thought that he’d never deserved her friendship to begin with...it angered her somewhat.  
“Oh don't be ridiculous Matthew!”  
She stood up animatedly throwing her hands around, giving all she had to try and make him see some form of sense, “so you had a few Orgys, got wasted and fucked up...fucked a few whores, big deal!! Your bloody human Matt...your young, energetic, passionate and can be quite easily influenced which some manipulative bastards will take advantage of...not to mention you work in the Acting industry! Christ, over half of anybody whos anybody has overindulged in their status and money at some point or another!”  
She gave a week laugh, “You really think that i haven't done stupid things that still to this day make me cringe and coil all over with disgust and shame ?... Well, let me give it to you straight Matt, that i have! ...So much so that I could win a bloody Oscar for it!  
Honestly darling, please… just...just you need to let go of it Matt right now, or it's going to kill you if you don't. It's all in the past, learn from it and move on, because you need to look forward darling ahead of you.  
I can see a great future for you darling, a great, wonderful happy future where you’ll get your life back on track with work that you enjoy again and where you’ll find someone who can be your rock, your constant who can help to ground you in times of reassurance...perhaps you'll settle down in a big country house and throw out a couple of gangly kids wearing fezzes ... I can see it already, there's so much more waiting for you Matt i know it! So please stop putting yourself down darling, please...there's so many amazing things that are possible ahead of you...really... just try and believe in yourself again! “

She placed her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, through the tears that fell and emotion that had overwhelmed her trying to make him see all is not lost, he's so wonderful, why couldn't he see it?  
He held her close and tight in return as he let out a breath that he didn't know he had held and kissed the top of her head just utterly grateful for her very existence, he knew he would have given up again without her, she represented hope and he clung to her as such.  
“I’ll try Alex...i promise ill try...please...can you...can you please help me because I don't know what to do anymore!”.  
She pulled back to look at him with a small positive smile that warmed him thoroughly, “with everything i have darling!”.  
He looked at her and she looked up at him as they held each other's gaze for a moment of wonder and mutual affection. Matt brushed a loose curl behind her ear, speaking softly, “Ya know when you said that i would find someone to be my rock...my constant?... I already have her Alex...it's you, always has been you!”  
Before she could communicate any sort of reaction, he unexpectedly leaned in to kiss her lips tenderly...oh so frighteningly gentle, that it was just a mere brush of contact ...a whisper of something she couldn't quite compute into its true meaning, then he pulled away slowly to gauge her reaction carefully. 

She swallowed nervously as the words sank in…(`what did he mean?...What was he saying?..Was that a friendship kiss...a...a token of gratitude...did it mean more?`) She was confused (`surely he didn't think they could be...well something, she was, well...too old for him, no matter what her heart truly desired it wouldn't be right...it could never be anything that would last! He's obviously very confused! His mind is all over the place and he doesn't know what he’s doing, he would regret it later she was certain!`)  
She was unsure how to respond to him...words wouldn't come to her except his name “Matt...i “  
She shook her curls looking downwards unable to meet his gaze obviously a bit flustered until finally, she found a few words that ignored what had just transpired, she felt bad even as she spoke them. “perhaps we should try and get some more sleep yeah?”

Matt scratched his cheek, then took a step back to give her some space. He had told her the truth, tried to express something that he felt deep down inside and she didn't acknowledge it. She blew away his words simply like they were leaves in the wind.  
Didn't she believe him?... Was she afraid...insecure ...not interested?... Well, why would she be interested in him anyway, idiot! All that he knew was that when she spoke about the amazing future he could have, it had been her that he envisioned by his side every step of the way...his constant, his very reason for being, she made him a better man!  
She had to know, she had to realize that his heart was already consumed by her.  
She had already taken it so very long ago, only he was too stupid to see it back then!

“Sleep yeah...um, your right!” Matt looked over to his bed begrudgingly, he actually dreaded getting back in it because he knew his mind was going to circulate more now, and he just knew he would end up making himself feel ill again. The thought made him tighten and rollover inside…he walked away from Alex gingerly and pulled the cover back to climb in but didn't lie down. He just sat there, head against the headboard resigned to the rest of the torturing night and sighed, “well suppose I'll see you in the morning then yeah?”  
Alex could see him already tensing up, he looked almost afraid that she was going to leave him alone in the dark with the creatures that could be lurking under the bed waiting for her to leave ready to devour their prey.  
Yes, she was actually going to go back to her room and hide from the situation that had confusingly transpired between them ...but what on earth had she been thinking? Because by the look on his face there was not a chance in hell she was going to leave him tonight...not like this...she could never!

She padded over as he watched her curiously, then to his suprised he jumped as she pulled the covers back unexpectedly, “scooch over then Smith and lie the fuck down you cant fall asleep sitting up!”  
He beamed at her, a real proper chuckle left his lips as he moved over and lay down on his back, turning his head over to face her in awe and bewilderment. She switched the lamp off and rolled over to look at him in the moonlight and heavy silence, but only after a brief moment of awkwardness she shuffled closer and placed a hand tentatively on his stomach. He brought his hand up automatically to lace their fingers gratefully together, while she snuggled her head into his shoulder, naturally like she belonged there.  
He sighed feeling contented at last, with a ripple of joy running through his body like a magical rainbow. “Thanks Alex...this feels….i feel better for this.. thank you!” `(God he wants this every night...he wants her Alex Kingston in his bed every night forever and always if this is how good it feels`)  
“You don't need to thank me Matt...was cold and your hot...simple as that!”

He chuckled, “you really are a bloody crap liar Kingston!”  
She hummed relaxed into his body, “well ok, i wasn't cold, but you are hot...just ask Salome’s mates, I've seen them drooling over your pictures ”  
He laughed, “you think I'm hot too don't you Kingston?...I’ve caught you looking, don't lie!”  
“I can neither confirm nor deny that fact Matthew...but i can't bloody help it when your arse stares at me sometimes can i...stop wearing those tight fitting jeans of yours if you don't want women to Oogle you!”  
He laughed more and squeezed her tightly feeling nothing but overwhelming love for this amazing woman who was simply rebuilding him back again a brick at a time …” gonna buy tighter ones now just for you Alex!”  
She shoved him a bit playfully, “Wanker!”  
They giggled a bit more and finally settled down into a peaceful bliss before Alex spoke again quietly, the tiredness in her voice clearly evident, “Matt, i..i didn't mean to ignore what you said... ya know...before”  
He hummed and looked down to her settled into his side like a dream as he listened intently to the soothing sound of her voice.  
“It's just... I feel the same way about you too!”  
His heart flipped in his chest at that...did she just say ...?  
He kept still and quiet allowing her the freedom to express herself because it was clearly difficult for her to do so, if the shake in her voice was anything to go by!  
“I feel like your my rock too...like a soulmate or something! Not that I ever believed in that sort of thing you know… i mean it sounds stupid even to my own ears... But...i guess i don't quite know how to deal with that...what it means...if it means anything at all. It scares me somewhat because were the same, aren't we?  
But there's a gap in our years that i cannot shake...i have a messy past that’s obvious too, so I don't get why you would see me like that... if that's what you meant by it in any case.  
If not then I am utterly embarrassed by what I just told you, even if it was the truth !”

He kissed her head with so much respect and pride at her difficult confession that he could simply burst with the hope that enveloped him.  
“You interpreted correct Alex and I Know what it means for me and age is simply irrelevant to how I feel about you, it's no concern of mine whatsoever! ...But I totally understand your doubts and fears and i will respect them, so I’m not going to push anything on you Kingston your not ready for, because you need to figure it out for yourself too and be comfortable with that fact!  
I see you Alex...your wonderful, so beautiful, smart and you always make me laugh. I love that unpredictability, that naughtiness you exude and you feisty free spirit...i love everything about you Kingston... I always have and i always will! Whatever happens though sweetheart, however we end up in the future... we stick together yeah? Always together! Promise me...i need you to promise me Alex, i cant drift apart from you as i did before ...i know it was my fault but... I just can't do it again Alex!!  
She placed a delicate kiss on his bare chest that made him tingle with love and desire, then she grabbed his pinky finger with hers endearingly to make the promise more important than mere words in a way. He smiled at the beautiful gesture, so surprising...so Alex, “always together Matt!”

They both sighed contentedly and eventually drifted off into a peaceful sleep, feeling like a heavy burden had suddenly been released that each of them had carried for such a long time...the night had been strange and filled with confessions of both bad and good, only time would tell where they both went from here!


	4. Teamwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a bit of a heated turn...doubt and fear still linger's for Alex, but Matt is working on it! lol

Morning soon arose and Matt found himself spooned snugly into Alex, noting instantly that his hand had a grasp on her breast over the top of her camisole.   
`Shit` and he said he wouldn't put any pressure on her about his feelings...then his bloody perverted body goes and betrays him in his sleep... Christ, please don't wake up just yet!!   
He tried to remove himself as delicately and discreetly as possible, releasing his grasp and then slowly...ever so slowly lifted his hand away while simultaneously holding his breath.  
Thank god she didn't wake!   
`Oh crap` Just when he thought he was finally safe, he found himself stranded with yet another err shall we say `large problem` that he needed to remove extremely swiftly from where it was rather enjoying the comfort and warmth pressed perfectly against Alex's luxurious behind…  
(`please don't wake, please don't wake, please don’t wake`)  
He held his breath once again whilst moving away as slow as he could humanly manage...she moaned deliciously and he froze with eyes widened like saucers whilst she rolled over and into him, stretching out like a cat as she groaned into wakefulness. She rested a hand on his side naturally but so awfully close to his arousal that he dare not move again. He froze and hoped she didn't notice it and if she did...well, what the hell anyway he finally thought, he's only human and she's... well look at her!   
He couldn't move even if he wanted to now, he was fascinated by her...this was something he'd never experienced before and he watched as she sighed and moaned once more. God that noise was sexy, his heart skipped a beat.   
She didn't even open her eyes before she spoke: “Mmm what time is it Matt?”   
He smiled at her cute sleepiness and glanced over at the clock beside the bed, “it's 9:40...your slacking Kingston wheres me cuppa?”   
He watched as she smirked before her eyes fluttered open to stare at him watching her bemusedly with those beautiful brown eyes of his. “cheeky sod you are!”  
He chuckled as Alex stretched out again and rolled away, to sit up rubbing her sleepy eyes a bit as she came around. He felt the loss instantly but was rather relieved she hadn't mentioned or perhaps noticed his little problem below. 

She turned her head to look at him once more “um how you feeling this morning darling, you ok so far?”  
Course she would be worried about him as a first thought! He didn't want her to be,...but after all he had put her through so far, he understood it. Even so, he just felt like he should be the protector of this dynamic, he ran his fingers through his hair yawning, “I feel quite good actually!” He held out his hand to prove to her that he was getting better, “see the shaking has nearly stopped!”   
She looked and brightened as momentary relief flooded her face, “that's really great darling, your doing so well... I bet your family will be so happy when you get back home!” 

Matt looked down and dropped his arm spontaneously as the smile left his face, Alex frowned “what is it?...what's wrong?”  
He shook his head still looking down unable to meet her gaze, “it's just... I'm nervous to go back! Over here is like a ...like a holiday where i can sort of forget everything for a bit and going back is like...i dunno. I’m just scared i won't cope with facing reality again I suppose!”  
Alex took a hold of his hand, ”hey look at me!”   
He looked up with difficulty, but did it because shed asked and he could deny her nothing...he just felt so weak and pathetic and really he didn't like her to see him that way...but he had to tell her the truth, didn't he? He was totally incapable of hiding himself from her when she was right there in front of him. He couldn't lie to her... she was so perspective towards him and would be able to see it instantly on his face when they finally headed towards home.   
The thought alone produced a wave of panic and racing heart that he feared would explode if he dwelled anymore upon the subject. He shook it away instantly already unable to cope mentally!   
Her eyes were full of understanding and faith along with a sympathy that he wasn't sure if it embarrassed him or endeared him, “I'm coming with you remember...you won't be alone...we promised always and as long as you need me then that's where I'll be ok Matt? One step at a time, I'll help you yeah?... You can get through it, I'm here!”   
Matt wasted no time in grabbing her hand to pull her into his chest tightly, whilst closing his eyes and thanking the heavens above for sending him such a guardian Angel as she. “Thank you Kingston...I don't know what I'd do without you, seriously ...Thank you!”

The morning went by quite chilled and relaxed as if it were an everyday occurrence for them, they ate breakfast together while they chatted about interesting projects and upcoming conventions. Alex was comforted by the fact that Matt's appetite was returning while he polished off his bacon and eggs with toast like a ravenous piglet. She laughed but shivered down her spine when he started to grunt and snuffle into her neck distractingly as she tried her best to fill the dishwasher while he was supposed to be clearing the table.   
Later Matt had found a few of Salome's board games that he eventually talked Alex into playing for entertainment purposes with prizes of biscuits and chocolate bars.   
Trying to teach Alex chess was proving quite difficult for Matt and he vowed to print off the rules like a script for her and staple them to her forehead to get her to remember at least some of the proper moves and not her creatively made up ones!  
Guess Who and Kerplunk were fun too...even if Alex kept winning and would jump onto the sofa as if it were a trampoline to bounce up and down in an ecstatic victory because apparently she could never win any of the games when playing against Salome ...Matt let her win on purpose...obviously... but she didn't need to know that, much to his satisfaction and amusement!!

Eventually, Matt grew tired again and Alex suggested he go take a nap on the bed for a bit while she contemplated a bit of gardening. He was getting better in himself, but his energy levels and stamina were still taking their time. It didn't matter though, he was happy for now and contented and she could see the change in him already, so that's all that mattered at this moment in time. She had a feeling that when he went back home things could certainly take a step back! 

Matt woke up two hours later and squinted at how bright the LA sun was this late in the day. He walked out through the patio doors to find Alex pottering about in the raised flower beds not far from the pool. She didn't see him approach much to his amusement, so he sneakily snuck up as quietly as he could… than shouted behind her loudly, “KINGSTON!!!”  
The trowel in her hand took flight as she cursed and stumbled backward with a start into his already waiting arms…she turned abruptly smacking him in the chest rather hard and swore quite creatively in a very unladylike manner, but still managing to look incredibly gorgeous t in her dirty shirt and garden gloves, as he laughed at her.   
“You... fucking... wanker Matthew...your getting a shit present for Christmas now after that little stunt!”  
He chuckled, “Sorry Alex... you know I can't resist these things ..not to mention.that i wouldn't miss any opportunity for you to jump into my arms.”

Shaking her head she picked up the trowel off the floor and started airing the soil again… “I'll get you back for that one ya bastard, mark my words Mr, you’ll be sorry you ever did that!” She huffed.  
Then not even a minute later after a few over the top scowls, it was forgotten about. “How are you feeling anyway darling? You look a bit brighter...would do you good to sit out a bit and get some sun on your skin!”  
He sat on the wall next to her as she dug dirt settling peacefully back into the task at hand that she had given herself.   
He suddenly felt mesmerized by seeing her in this sort of way...it was a way that he’d never seen on her before...doing something that he knew she loved after remembering what she once told him about how much gardening always helped to relax her.   
He was captivated in her movements, the look of concentration, determination and contentment that settled upon her face...She was so natural, so immersed and absorbed into something that was entirely foreign to him.   
They were both actors, their world and most of their existence was a performance, it was easy to forget yourself sometimes in that sort of environment. But this ...this was the real Alex Kingston, with dirt on her face... she was a real person and more beautiful than ever in her private sanctuary of home. This wasn't a fake show, it wasn't an act to gain attention or acceptance, this was who she actually was and if anything it made his heart sore more in bountiful wonder!!

“I feel better thanks Kingston, shall i go make us a cuppa? You look like you could do with a break”  
A smile broke out on her face at his kind gesture, it felt good so good having him around, something she could easily get used to... “that would be lovely thanks darling and I think you'll find some biscuits in the cupboard above the toaster too if your lucky.”  
He gave a salute “Right o, you finish up here and I'll bring them out to the patio!”

Five minutes later they were settled on the patio while Matt dunked his KitKat into his tea sucking the chocolate off as it melted. Humming to himself.   
Alex shook her head, “you know you do exactly what Salome does with her KitKat and tea.”  
Matt beamed “Course she does,.. who do you think taught her that Kingston?”  
Alex rolled her eyes, as she sipped her tea and sighed!  
Matt's eyes flicked to her as he drank his own tea in a moment of comfortable silence, then he looked around her tropical gardens and his vision finally settled to linger at the swimming pool.   
“You go for a swim often Alex...or is it just because everyone in LA has to have a swimming pool?”  
She looked to the pool then back to him, her eyes instantly playful and naughty, “I do swim in there as a matter of fact darling and I find it's quite exhilarating to swim naked on occasion!” she winked.  
Matt almost choked on his tea, spluttering it out like a man having a seizure. Eventually, he regained his composure again...well, sort of!   
“Naked...you err...you do that often do you?” He stretched his arms out a bit and rolled his shoulders trying to look casual “Not that I'm surprised by the way, it is so you after all!”

She laughed, his favorite throaty laugh that always sent shivers down his spine and a tingle in his tummy that made him twitch. “I don't do it that often, but it always feels good when i do...there's something elating and quite intoxicating about swimming through the water in the freedom of your own skin,...you should try it sometime!”  
Matt nodded and hummed while looking over at the utterly inviting pool once more. It was late afternoon and the heat of the day made it look extremely inviting…it didn't take him long to jump to a decision.   
He stood up suddenly pushing his chair back abruptly as it scraped along the floor...“exhilarating you say?”  
He pulled his top over his head and threw it on the table merrily...” only one way to find out i suppose!”  
Alex’s eyes grew wide as the shock of what he was actually in the process of doing was sinking in…”Matt...no...what are you doing?”   
He looked smug as he toed off his shoes and wobbled erratically while pulling off his socks…”Getting naked for a swim...whats it look like I'm doing”

Alex shook her head...clearly still in denial at his actions, “No Matt, you can't be serious, put your shirt back on your nothing but bones.”   
She threw his shirt back and he let it drop to the floor while undoing the buttons on his trousers.   
God she didn't know where to look right now, he had lost weight but still looked sexy as hell and she really didn't want him to take his pants off because quite frankly...well it was Matt and that was one step too far for her physical and mental self to take …`Ohhh shit Too late!`

He dropped his pants and was standing in nothing but his boxers staring at her like he knew exactly what he was doing and how flustered he was making her feel then rolling around in the fact like an ecstatic dog in the mud!   
He halted his actions, `thank fuck...hopefully he's chickened out!`

“You wanna join me in a Naked Swim Kingston?” He wiggled his eyebrows tormentingly as  
She ran her hands over to cover her face trying her best not to blush but failing miserably!   
Matt just stood there almost naked and ready to do the full monty asking her to join him...what the hell planet was she on?  
“I most certainly do not!” She went for the strict approach hoping he would back down from his silly little game.   
He but chuckled at her, “what's the matter? It's not like i haven't seen you naked in any films before… and i know you have nothing to be ashamed of down there.”  
His eyes drifted over her body like a naughty teenage boy delighting in the opposite sex for the first time!  
She took a deep breath, she wasn't going to back down in this, “Darling that was a long time ago and I look nothing like I once did back then i can assure you...quite frankly you would get a shock!”

Matt sighed and started to walk over to the pool in his boxers shaking his head with a bit of disappointment flicked over his features, it was a small defeated expression but she caught it nonetheless.   
He then stopped and turned to look at her seriously with what seemed like longing, “Nah you don't look like you once did Alex, you've grown and you've lived and you look more beautiful every time i see you!” and with that, he gave a small dashing smile and turned. He paced over to the pool determined in his actions, then dropped his boxers unashamedly and cannonballed into the pool like a pro!  
Alex was still shocked by him, she was so lost in his words that she only broke away from her trance when she heard his big splash as he entered the pool!  
She looked over to him as his head bobbed up from the water shaking his long wet hair like a puppy relishing the feel, beaming and chuckling to himself as he did so.   
She smiled at him, looking so happy and unphased at this moment and she delighted in seeing this look on his face once again...but she knew it wouldn't last no matter how much she wished it would, she knew he would crash again it was only a matter of time...even so her heart swelled with something she could not yet place.   
He was special to her no question about that. But he was young and that alone compressed her feelings into a crippling cage because she knew it was something that couldn't be. It wasn't right to think of him that way...perhaps if she were born later or he were born earlier...they could have been something magnificent... she was entirely certain of that in fact. Ahh well, at least there was always her dreams she could turn to in times of need.

She sighed to herself as Matt swam to the other end of the pool, the deep end of the pool and she suddenly became incredibly anxious knowing he was still ill and still very weak in his body with stamina.  
“MATT STAY IN THE SHALLOW” He just laughed giddily and wave her over to join him unphased or concerned about her apparent worry….she didn't like him in the deep end by himself….she didn't like it at all, what if he passed out, what if his muscles gave out…?? ...”ALEX...COME ON IN…...I DARE YOUuuuu!!” 

(`That bloody wanker,`) he knew she couldn't back down from a dare, she huffed to herself stewing at the challenge of his proposed dare! (`The bloody bastard said that on purpose so no...No...tis just a small dare. I don't need to prove anything to anyone...nope not doing it...no way!`)

One Brooding minute later….  
”Oh..for fucks sake...Fuck it” She slipped of her crocks, then unshed her dirty shirt and hotpants, but kept her lilac bra and nickers still in tacked...hoping that was enough for the dare to be achievable!   
Taking a deep breath she walked over to the deep end of the pool.  
Matt hadn't noticed her approaching movement figuring he must have finally given up on her. He was resting at the end of the pool with his arms crossed over the edge, his eyes shut just enjoying the cool water whisping around his naked bollocks and the feel of the heat from the sun pouring down on his face.

“How's the temperature?”  
He opened his eyes with a start and looked up to see Alex stood in nowt but her skimps, his mouth opened but nothing came out at first embarrassingly... he swallowed dryly at the realisation, then stumbled in his words as he spoke which caused Alex some amusement and slightly gave herself more confidence about her near-nudity if she were honest!

“Its ...um...oh...yeah, nice,” He cleared his throat a bit ``.cold at first but nice once you're in, yeah!”  
She sat down to dangle her toes tentatively in the water as Matt unconsciously moved away a bit, remembering that he was entirely naked and worried that his cock would react very much to the sexy hot as fuck goddess before him! Blimey, that woman has proper curves...she's all.. well...very womanly!  
His heart quickened pace and he ran a hand through his hair trying to pretend he was unphased by her blatant boldness and the twinkle of mischief in her eyes.  
He spoke confidently but with great effort trying desperately to cover his nervousness with flirtation …(how would that even work...you idiot!)  
“I notice your not naked….that seems entirely unfair Kingston!”  
Alex raised her eyebrows as Matt's face suggested a challenge...she could never back down from a challenge, no sir...a dare was a dare and if that's what he wanted then that's what he was going to get!

She narrowed her eyes and scowled at him as he playfully puckered up and did a kissy face to tease her more. (Right...he will pay for that!)  
She lowered her body into the cool water as seductively as she could, screaming internally at how cold the water actually was but as any professional artist would, she kept her naughty act firmly in place.   
She looked at him saucily while she grasped the side of the pool with one hand…then before Matt knew what she was doing she had unhooked her bra with her free hand under the water and pulled it away from her chest like a magician.   
She then held it up high above her head like a sodding Trophy with one arm and a kinky smirk sending him utterly crazy and buzzing inside.   
Matt's eyes grew bigger than the sockets that held them before she let out a slight giggle and flung the sodden delicate item onto the side.   
Matt cleared his throat again...trying to act cool but feeling himself begin to harden and thanking christ she wasn't close enough to see and sending gratitude to the heavens above that she didn't have goggles in her possession!

He shook his head pretending to be unsatisfied and threw out another challenge at her rather courageously, even though he was practically dying inside, trying so desperately to contain his menacing manly urges not to reach out and touch that flawless sunKissed skin of the beauty in front of him…  
“Still not naked Kingston!” (`wow my bravery astounds me!!...impressive Matt, pat yourself on the back quickly before you pass out like a moron if she takes up the challenge!`)

He was trying so desperately to keep his eyes focused on hers and not drift away to stare at her entrancingly full breasts bouncing freely in the water like buoyancy aids...his eyes occasionally failed him...traitors!  
Only a second later in a blur of madness and she held up the last item of her delicates like the fucking champion she was, Smirking proudly knowing full well what she was doing to him and threw them in his stunned frozen face as any professional tease would. Then turned to swim now fully naked and free, to the other end of the pool like an erotic mermaid. 

Matt picked up her girly nickers and placed them on the side while not taking his magnetized eyes off her… she was fucking amazing!   
Oh he had always known...but this...this was a whole new level of gameplay...a level they had not competed at before. This was incredibly naughty, courageously daring, and bloody exhilarating like she had said it would be...but more so because they were doing it together.   
At this moment Matt didn't give a flying fuck about anything else that existed beyond these waters, he was captivated by her, enchanted...bewitched!  
She swam to the other side of the pool hoping he would follow her to the comfortable shallow end, which he eventually did easily catching her up with his long athletic limbs, being careful to swim close, but not too close.

They both rested at the wall again their eyes meeting once more in their breathless quiet of the water.  
They laughed at each other simultaneously, giggling together like schoolgirls sharing a private joke that was theirs and theirs alone. Matt delighted in the fact of how Alex could not contain a blush that involuntarily erupted over her biting her lip with a slightly vulnerable expression. Alex sharing her vulnerability?... This could not be!

She spoke if only to regain some of her failing composer and distract herself from the handsome young naked man beside her...she couldn't allow herself to get lost in those beautiful eyes of his...it was too risky...her heart could not take to be broken again!  
“So what do you think of swimming naked then..is it everything you expected?”  
His face lit up more and his smile grew bigger if that was even possible, “Kinda like it Kingston..me ball sacks feel weird floating about..but still... it's a good weird!”  
She shook her head laughing, “ well at least you don't have breasts darling, it's fun swimming when they're not contained, but they tend to have a mind of their own in the water and seem to want to go in opposite directions.”

It was too much information for Matt while he hid his reddening face into his arm on the side of the pool laughing his head off..crying in hysterics..she got infected and laughed right along with him...unknowingly moving closer together, like moths drawn to a flame!   
They eventually calmed down enough to communicate again and Matt fixated on her once more. She looked so beautiful, her face flush from laughing and her body completely naked and vulnerable and just itchingly within his reach... he yearned to touch her...but would it be too much too soon he queried?...  
They had finally expressed their feelings for one another last night in a strange sort of way, but he knew that Alex was still fearful and untrusting of her heart. Would she ever dare to truly allow him in?  
Matt had told her he would give her all the time she needed to figure things out until she was comfortable with them...would she ever even allow that to happen though?   
He was afraid to push her because he feared that she would run or reject him... but he was also afraid to let it be left too long, knowing full well that Alex’s doubts and fears would eventually build a barrier between them the longer he left it.

He finally dared to reach across and brush a curl behind her ear smiling as she smiled back...lowering her eyes in a moment of uncertainty.   
He tried to reign her away from that doubt...“Ya know i meant everything I told you last night don't you Alex? This isn't just me saying things because my emotions have been screwed up lately...I've felt this way about you for a long time...i just need to make sure you understand that!”  
She looked away sighing, then glanced back to his sincere expression, which was even more confusing. “I understand that you believe what your saying...but it still doesn't make sense to me Matt...none of this makes sense...what am I even doing with you...it's...it's ludicrous!”

Matt moved to lean into her “nah that's just your mind talking Alex...and look at what my mind made me do to myself ...you shouldn't listen to it...it will trick you love, I'm learning not to... perhaps you should try to learn too!”  
He reached for her hand carefully and placed it over his wet chest to cover his heart “Listen to this instead...what does it tell you, what does it make you feel?”  
She looked intently at his hand holding hers over his heart, “I've listened to my heart before Matt...but its been betrayed so many times I don't know if I can take that risk again!” She looked to him, eyes saddened but serious and slightly resigned to the hand of cards she'd been dealt, “and you are an incredibly big risk for me!”  
“You're a brave woman Alex...why do you think i admire you so bloody much?... So what's one more risk to you, just take it...let me love you how you deserve to be loved...just give in..give us a chance!”  
She reached and caressed his cheek and he turned to kiss her palm affectionately, “please Alex”  
Her thumb ran down to brush over his lip curiously then rested upon his chin...“mabey!”   
Matt smile bloomed, suddenly feeling the barriers within her possibly breaking once more. “Maybe is not an Answer Kingston, i need a definite answer from you...you need to say it, mean it!”  
She didn't want to think anymore, there was too much doubt, too much fear and simply too much unresolved time wasted on inventive worst-case scenarios whizzing around her head like a tornado... Matt had said that her mind was the enemy, and it was an enemy that she longed to eradicate. It had always betrayed her, she needed an out, she needed to trust in her own feelings and what she needed was undeniably right in front of her...so she ran with it, followed her heart insistently, plain and simple as it were.   
She took the leap and crashed her lips against his, pressing her bare breasts up against his body as she ran fingers through his hair, she forgot herself, she wanted to get lost within him right then, no matter the cost, just him and her entwined as one!  
Matt's initial surprise was swiftly overridden by his own longing and desire as he instantly wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her into him tightly. He opened his mouth up to her with his own personal need taking frantic flight, allowing her entry and wasting no time in tying her tongue together with his teasingly and tormenting. God, She tasted amazing, he could quite possibly just stay right here forever and devour her whole.   
It was fervid and desperate, but respectful and loving at the same time as they affirmed their feelings for each other through a passionate embrace.   
The pool suddenly didn't feel so cool anymore as heat surged through their bodies like a fiery furnace. Matt’s manly urges took over desperately as he pressed Alex against the wall to claim her possessively, kissing her thoroughly as he had always longed to and loving the feel of her naked skin against his...the press of her hardened nipples against his chest, while her hands ran markedly along his back.   
This wasn't the studio anymore, nobody was going to call cut or change direction! This was really real...this was happening right now and his brain lost all function in the frantic fuelled moment of intense passion. His erection noticeably pressed up against her stomach, hard and wanting and she painfully resisted the urge to just wrap her legs around him feverously and let him take her right then and there in the pool of erotic enchantment. She moaned as she had to force herself to break away for air or perhaps some form some sort of clarity amongst the lustful haze that had clearly fogged her senses to animalistic nature. 

Resting their foreheads together panting...Matt gasped “Wow...that was ...wow Alex”  
Alex faired no better in the breathless situation, all meaningful conversation was lost to just one word…. “fuck!”  
Matt laughed and pulled back to hold her head placing two more kisses tenderly against her incredible lips, “definitely...fuck!”  
Alex was still gathering her senses and still trying to comprehend what was actually happening between them, “i...shit...i’m so sorry, really i don't know what the hell I am doing right now Matt!”

“I don't know either Kingston...but you're doing it perfectly...just keep doing that ok sweetheart?”  
She laughed nervously but agreed with his request “OK...well, if you say so!”  
Matt nodded “Yes, your amazing...that's my girl! I'll go fetch us some towels from the house, back in a min, don't you dare think about running off!”  
Alex had already been eyeing up the quickest possible exits to get out of the pool as fast and as discretely un naked as possible, “Well, I'm thinking about it, so you better hurry and get me a towel Matthew!”  
He nodded understandingly then gripped the sides of the pool and hauled his naked self out of the sparkling water like an Olympic swimmer who just won gold.   
She watched his perfectly pert naked butt as he ran down the path and in through the open patio doors of the house.   
Alex looked down closing her eyes and shook her head to take a deep breath, “fuck” (`what the hell are you doing Alex,? How can something feel so wonderfully right and yet so insistently wrong at the same time?`)  
She walked to the steps anxiously awaiting Matts return and upon seeing him Jogging back towards her with a towel in hand while the other was already wrapped around his waist.   
She couldn't help but feel vulnerable and slightly embarrassed at this moment, ...she wrapped her arms around her chest defensively as he approached. He instantly saw that fearful look in her eyes, whilst she apprehensively chewed on her lip. He expected this though...this was Alex after all, this was not going to be an easy switch for her, `friends to lovers`, he knew that already, because he knew her like the back of his hand.   
He vowed to prove it to her though...however long it would take, that they would be worth it in the end.   
They wouldn't fail like she was already assuming they would, because he would never let her down like the others had done!   
He knew they could be something special, unique and amazing together. He just had to be patient and understanding right now and not push it too far too soon. He needed to help her overcome the obstacles of her past and dissolve her insecurities about the future.   
Prove to her that there would never be anyone else for him but her!

He opened the towel out expectantly and averted his eyes away to the side respectfully as she exited the pool.   
Alex was relieved as she walked into the towel, he wrapped it around her instantly before his gaze returned to her with a soft smile “better?”  
She nodded shyly “yeah, thanks for that Matt...um better get you in out of the sun, you've gone a bit pink. She touched his arm briefly and he shuddered, his body still surging from their passionate embrace, it was getting ridiculously difficult trying to keep any sort of self-control around her.   
He looked along his shoulders, inspecting the pink tinge there, “yeah wish i had your skin Alex, the sun seems to worship you, for good reason, obviously. Anyway on that subject, do you think fake tanning myself would be a bad idea?”  
She laughed, feeling glad for the distraction away from their little naked pool make out session. “yeah, I think it would be extremely bad darling, please don't try it unless it's with somebody who knows exactly what they're doing! You'd look like a dog had shit all over you, trust me!”  
He wrapped an arm around her shoulder chuckling, as they walked back indoors, “always have to go one step too far don't you Kingston...bloody dog shit woman...Honestly!”

They both went to their own perspective rooms and got changed back into some comfortable clothes after the excitement of their little private saucy pool party.  
Alex entered the lounge somewhat apprehensively where Matt was sitting on the sofa eating some cake that was left from yesterday.   
“Didn't you want any cream with that Matt, it might be a bit dry now?”   
“Nah its perfect as it is...your the best bloody baker on the planet Kingston...got you a slice!” He handed her a small plate with a slice of cake on, she took it gratefully smiling and sat down next to him taking a bite “Mmm thanks darling, suppose I am!”  
They ate their cake in relative silence and Matt put his plate on the side and she did the same with her's after she’d finished. Things were a bit awkward to say the least, but Matt could deal with awkward...awkward didn't phase him because he knew how to break it with her... at least she hadn't run away from the situation or she didn't seem angry or upset to a degree that could hurt their relationship...whatever that relationship may be!  
He held out his arms open and invitingly…. “snuggle?”  
Smiling she released a breath while moving closer to him, resting her head on his chest and placing her arm over his stomach, it was their most comfortable position. He drew her into him protectively and placed a kiss gently on her head, this was a relaxed position for them, they had snuggled like this many times and he just wanted her to feel put at ease with their new development somehow. 

“Stop thinking Alex...they can hear you on Mars!”  
She sighed, chewing on her lip in obvious turmoil, “what are we doing Matt? I shouldn't be doing this, I'm encouraging you and your ill... you're not thinking clearly, its...its wrong...this has to be wrong!”  
“It's not wrong, Alex, you need to stop thinking that way sweetheart and i know I'm not well at this moment in time... but that doesn't mean that I don't know what this is between you and i ...and this is everything I have ever wanted for such a long time Alex, this is the only thing that is brilliantly clear in my mind right now...it's the only thing that I actually know is real!.”

She twiddled with the fabric on his shirt contemplating the sincerity and certainty of his words clashing along with her own worrisome thoughts, “people won't like it...they won't understand!”  
Matt scoffed “well people can go fuck themselves if they think they can tell me who i can or can't love!”  
Alex lifted up quickly to look at him intently, a shadow of a laugh shrouding unbelievability in her voice ...“you...you think you love me, Matt?”  
He wrapped a curl around his finger with a chuckle, “No Kingston. I know i love you!!... Always have and i always will and one day you'll believe that...I'll make sure of it if you allow me to!”

Shaking her head in disbelief...“You really believe we could have a future together Matt, as a proper couple i mean?...I'm sorry but your optimism astounds me. I have feelings for you, strong feelings that I simply can't shake, but I couldn't do it to you, i can’t be that selfish because I don't think that you really understand what it is you would be giving up by being with me!”  
Matt ran a hand through his hair already guessing her main concerns already but giving her the chance to voice them to him, so he could respond…”Well...enlighten me then!”

“What about a family of your own?... You know I can't have any more children right?? And you would be an amazing father, your so wonderful and natural with children...i could never take that opportunity away from you like that...never and that is just one of the many concerns that I have for reasons as to why we would fail together. Have you even thought about that...i mean I'm all for enjoying the present but does the future mean nothing to you at all?”

He sighed, taking hold of her hand “yes, of course i have thought about it Alex, I get... it i do! I've even done some research on the subject a while back in a crazy moment of trying to justify and realize my dreams. As I said, I thought about the possibility of us along time ago and I have a feeling you probably had your eggs frozen at some point through your struggles to conceive and if I'm right about that then that's only one option of many routes we could take if they are still viable. I am also completely open to adoption, in fact, i would love to adopt anyway at some point in the future because it just feels like something that I would love to do...it feels right to me somehow!!!  
And then there's Sal, you know I love Sal so much and would love her as my own anyway if we were to go the extra mile together...so of course i have thought about all these things Alex... You may think me young in years but I am not that naive! I do want a family someday your right ... but my dream is to have one with you!”

She sat up shaking her head in disbelief while running a hand through her curls, “Jesus Matt, you really have thought about this, haven't you?.... Its a lot to take in ...I'm a bit...well ...overwhelmed right now...i cant...i don't know what else to say!”  
He reached to place a comforting hand on her back, “just say you'll think about it...say you'll give us a chance Alex, I want this, I want you... so so much! tell me you want it too, I feel that you do... deep down inside!”  
She was silent for a moment and Matt was starting to think she was about to pull away from him, but instead, she surprised him and turned to him with a loving smile that turned his insides to mush and placed a warm gentle hand on his cheek, she took a deep breath ...“If we do this ...can we...can we take it slow yeah? Keep it just between us for a little while? I really need you to get well Matt and I don't want you having to deal with the added pressure that the press would undoubtedly create if this were to get out. Your not strong enough to deal with their shit right now...your health needs to come first before anything else...before us!”

Matt smile grew at the realization that yes she was willing to do this, they were going to give themselves a shot and he couldn't help the laugh that escaped him as he surged to press his lips against hers, breaking away between kisses and wrapping her up excitedly with his arms. “Yes Alex, just between us… I promise...love you ...crist, I'm the bloody luckiest man in the world...i can't believe this is happening...we're doing this Yeah? you...you really mean it?”   
Alex giggled as she kissed him back and threw her arms around his neck while she swung her leg over his lap to straddle him in a tight embrace, much to Matts delirious delight and astonishment, “One day at a time Mr Smith, taking it slow and steady...now give me one of your delicious cuddles because i’m free to ask for them now whenever I'm in need aren't I ?”  
He beamed, “you were always free to ask Alex...now come here...your mine now...ha... sorry but i think i’m gonna be a possessive boyfriend Kingston...just warning you for future flirtatious reference and all that...”  
She rolled her eyes laughing at him as they hugged and showered each other with peppered kisses!

The rest of the evening was spent cuddling and kissing on the sofa like a couple of teenagers whilst reading and watching a couple of classic movies on the box.  
Alex had eventually fallen asleep lulled across Matt’s lap, but before he woke her to retire to the bedroom he just couldn't help but stop and smile to himself as he held the woman of his dreams beneath his arms finally. He had never felt so contented and as happy as he felt right at this very second. The events of the past few weeks faded away from this moment as he maintained his focus on the present like a medicine trying to eradicate his torturous actions of such days past! .  
Looking down at her now...his curly-haired Alex...his beautiful, wonderful, amazing Kingston, giving him her trust and her faith to build on a piece of magic that they already shared! It meant more to him than anything else in the world.   
She had never spoken the words yet to him.., those sacred undenieing words that crop up in romantic tales and poems of when boy meets girl. But he knew she loved him...for whatever reason he did not know... the love was written all over her face, it shone through her eyes to his in abundance with every smirk and wink. He knew the words were difficult for her to say aloud, for they had betrayed her in the past, he understood her commitment issues...but he wouldn't let it taint them. He would not allow her hurtful past to come between their future and if she struggled with it then he was fully determined to help her along as she had always helped him.   
They were together in this now. they were a team and that made his heart swell like never before. 

He kissed her forehead and stroked a hair gently trying to rouse her delicately, “Hey there beautiful...bedtime sleepyhead, it's getting late!”  
She moaned and hugged him tighter, “Mmm..no... urg..five more minutes Matt”   
He chuckled at her tired cuteness, pulling her into the sitting position like a reluctant toddler, “Come on you'll get neck ache like that woman…”  
She struggled to wake grumbling as she was forced to stand, “urgh you're being so bossy now...makes a change from sneaky i suppose!”  
Matt looked down at her rather puzzled as they walked, “i was sneaky?”  
She shook her head “yes... snnnneakkkky… luring me into the pool like some sexy wet Poseidon God. This is all your fault you know...bloody irresistible charmer you are...i’m gonna pay for it...i know i am...it's gonna bite my arse hard...you just wait and see!”  
Matt chuckled more as he walked a sleepy moaning Alex back to her room with an arm around her lovingly, but clearly utterly exhausted and drunk with messed up emotions from the events of the day.   
“You won't pay for anything Alex, we will face things together now, it's gonna be ok Kingston, and if there's anything gonna bite your arse it will be me, so get a grip with `US` because the decision has already been made!” 

She laughed tiredly as they entered her room, “Easy for you to say...your not gonna be ...be...classed as a Cougar for taking on a vulnerable Toy Boy in the prime of his career... I may as well dig my grave now and get in it!”  
Matt turned her to look at him, seriousness now playing across his features, “Hey Kingston, that's enough nonsense for one day, yeah...your being emotional and ridiculous, so shut up and go get ready for bed before I spank you, I've heard enough of your whining!”

She huffed and walked over to the dresser to grab her pajamas,“ya see, you hate me already, I'm an insecure whiner...wait until you see me angry, then you’ll definitely leave me ...i like to smash things...I'm a nutter...just giving you early warning before you fully commit to a Professional Disaster Queen!”  
Matt's hands flew up animatedly through frustration, “Fucks sake Kingston, you don't get it do you!”   
He walked closer to lift her chin “I...Love...You Alex... I understand your niggling doubt...i do. I know you inside and out, bad and good and you can smash all the bloody things you like when we argue which we will do at some point i’m sure because everybody does.   
Even Arthur told me he heard something smash when you were yelling at him through the phone, fuming about the people I was hanging around with you were... honestly love, nothing you could do would change my mind about how i feel about you...nothing would surprise me!”

She sighed, “It was a vase”  
“....What?”  
“ I threw a bloody Vase at the wall…. I loved that vase Matt, Cloony gave it to me ...was a fake though the tight git! Your fault thow...you now owe me a vase!”  
Matt laughed and Alex couldn't help but join after him, his smile always so infectious to her... She leaned in to give him a hug “I'm sorry darling, I'm just incredibly tired and still trying to talk myself out of what my heart wants...it's going to be difficult to convince my head its allowed, I'll try to control it, I will!”  
“It's fine Sweetheart, we’ll get there together yeah?” She ran a hand through his hair smiling softly into his twinkling eyes “yeah!”   
He leaned down to give her a goodnight kiss which she returned feverishly!”  
After one last peck on her lips, he smiled and went to the door, she suddenly felt confused “where are you going?”

With his hand already on the handle, he turned to see her puzzled expression and his brow creased in similar confusion, “um to bed!”  
“You're not staying in here?”  
His hand dropped from the door as he turned questionably scratching his head, “well...we said we were gonna take things slow...i didn't want to assume that we would just ...ya know...”  
She looked away feeling a bit embarrassed about thinking they were going to go straight to sharing a bed full time, was that too fast? “Oh...yeah course...i suppose,...”  
Matt took a tentative step forward, “do you...do you want me to stay with you?”  
“Yes...I mean...well, we slept together last night didn't we...that was ...well quite nice wasn't it?... I thought anyway!!….um, do you wanna stay? You don't have to...i’m not ready for sex or anything just yet..but if you do want to stay...then that would be…”  
He chuckled breaking her off from her rambling, “I’ll stay...kinda liked spooning you to be honest...you're so cozy warm!”  
Her eyebrows raised “Oh, well then... it's a good job i like to be spooned isn't it!”  
“Is that so...Hmm, what else do you like then?”  
“Too much to tell you at this late hour darling, but I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually!”  
He smirked at her suggestive expression “well i can't bloody wait to get figuring then!”  
She tiptoed up to whisper into his ear in the naughtiest tone she most favored…” will you be in need of a road map when we get going?”  
He reversed her seduction, into her own ear that made her heart jump with erotic euphoria…”i think you'll find that all angles will be covered most thoroughly Miss Kingston and that I'm a pretty talented and persistent navigator!  
“Mmm well then Mr Smith, after that little piece of valuable knowledge I'm sure i will be having pleasant dreams tonight.”  
“I’ll see you there Kingston...bowtie and all!”


	5. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love comments good and bad...it keeps me going 8-) x x

Alex stretched out languidly in her big luscious bed, eyes slowly adjusting to the light and fluttering open as she woke. Her mind suddenly showered her with an array of images from yesterday and she sat up abruptly looking around... there was someone missing from this scene! Where was Matt?  
She climbed out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown from behind the door, wrapping it around her as she made her way to the spare bedroom. Looking in questionably through the open doorway she frowned, he wasn't there. Starting to panic...She headed across the landing and ventured down the stairs, relief finally flooding her when she heard a noise coming from within the kitchen. She closed her distance to see Matt bouncing on the balls of his feet in his all too cute bright blue boxers and a tatty band t-shirt, hair all crazily electrified, whilst humming some kind of tune as he buttering some toast like he had stood there a thousand times before.  
She smiled fondly as she stood to lean in the doorway with arms folded containing herself while her insides were tickled by the sight of him!  
He opened the jam and started to spread it quite generously over the slices of toast in front of him...finally, he was unsuspecting...this was the opportunity she had been waiting for. Oh yes, payback time!!

She unfolded her arms and padded barefoot across the cool tiled kitchen floor as quiet as a mouse would but even sneakier in her pursuit for that titillating cheese until she arrived right behind his tall slender frame.  
Upon her arrival, she wasted no time in making her devious move, as she simultaneously grabbed his waist to pinch him either side and shouted loud enough to probably burst an eardrum “SMITH!!!”  
Both the toast and the plate got propelled across the counter at supersonic speed tipping out into the sink, as two cups of coffee or tea crashed along the same level emitting what could only be described as a tidal wave to a ladybird and within the same frightening chaos a knife flew through the air, eventually clattering to the ground narrowly missing Alex’s toes in the process as she jumped and screamed, while Matt clambered halfway across the unit itself like the floor had been covered in lava, his face shocked and pale as soldier after witnessing his first death in battle.

There was silence ……

Alex stood there hand over her mouth on the verge of an apology or bursting into hysterics she wasn't sure which one at that moment in time!  
Matt slowly lowered himself back off the unit looking at her with eyes full of thunder in their intensity.  
Doctor mode had clearly been established in his features,...oh yes the oncoming storm had been let loose...Alex took a tentative step back.  
Shit, she thought...oh my god he's really mad?  
But before she could do or say anything more, Matt smirked quicker than a lightning bolt and lunged at her swiftly only to throw her over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. (How was he even that strong?... Adrenalin does wonders)  
She screamed, “Matt Nooo...what are you ...Matt, nooo...what are you doing?”  
He laughed like a girl as he carried her out through the patio doors and gave her arse a cheeky spank in the process, “think that was funny do ya Kingston...don’t mess with the master!!” She laughed at him now, but tried to wriggle unable to break free, “I’m sorry ok, it was payback Matt...we are even now...for fuck's sake put me down!!”  
He was heading to the pool, “EVEN!! HA...Ohhh no, no, no, there is no `Even` here Kingston...anyway let's have a morning bath together shall we? You bad, bad girl!”

There was nothing she could do because all too soon Matt leaped into the deep end of the swimming pool with her while both of them were still fully clothed. Shock. She had never experienced anything like it as she came up gasping for air coughing and spluttering like a drowned cat trying to find a plank of wood. Matt took her hand quickly and pulled her into him protectively as she wrapped her legs around his waist in an embrace as he carried her through the water smugly.  
He chuckled as he spoke, “Hey fancy meeting you here again... you're not naked!”  
Alex held on to his shoulders, still shocked and trying to catch her breath “this is not... how I expected this morning to go! ...Please remind me...how old are you again Matthew?”  
He carried her gracefully through the water like a prized possession in his mitts “you started it love!”  
She rolled her eyes “NOOOO... i fucking finished it Matt, with a capital F ...and now you have just bloody gone and started it again...Sodding Idiot!!”  
He put a finger on those oh so perfect cursing lips that were actually starting to turn blue because the sun hadn't had a chance to heat the water yet, feeling a bit troubled he headed to the side... “Technicalities Alex!... But really love, i could have chopped your toes off with that bloody knife!! You scared the shit out of me yes,...but what scared me more was that i nearly hurt you with it Alex... you could have been really badly hurt !”  
His features had changed from amused to concerned in less than a second and she couldn't help but throw her arms around his neck to hug him tightly “I’m sorry darling, i didn't think”  
He kissed her cheek, “its ok sweetheart...i asked for it didn't i? Was making you breakfast in bed and you go and ruin my surprise too” He scoffed, “typical Kingston behaviour...unexpected and ending up in a total chaotic disaster plus benefits.”

He chuckled, pulling her back to look at him “wouldn't have it any other way though, love you, my little feisty little minx!”  
He kissed her lips and she ran a hand through his hair, wanting to return the words verbally but safely saying them privately in her head…”You were making me breakfast in bed...Really Matt?....And now I'm freezing my tits off in this sodding pool...well that's bloody fantastic that is!” she huffed!

“Plenty of time to try again Alex... now let's get out of here because your shivering like a Titanic survivor and i think me penis has shrunk to the size of a caterpillar!”  
She laughed at his imaginative descriptions while he lifted her up and out over the edge of the pool as any superhero would after nearly drowning their intended!  
Then they clambered back into the house like drowned rats where Matt told Alex to go and take a hot shower and warm up a bit while he cleaned the mess that was left festering in the kitchen. He had made more toast by the time she returned!  
After finally eating breakfast together, Alex decided they should go for a little morning stroll through a secluded country pathway of deserted rocks and trees, not far from the house. Telling Matt it would do him good for a change of scenery away from the home and get some proper air into his lungs! He wasn't so sure and grumbled a bit primarily with himself... but at the end of his discrepancy, Who was he to complain against his queen,! He could sense she was just trying to encourage him slowly back into the world of the living again one step at a time and so far it was working, he trusted her implicitly!

They walked hand in hand much to Matts delight, as the pathway was familiar to Alex and she knew not many people walked this route so they were pretty much safe from any prying eyes of the public!  
It felt nice he mused... perfect in fact as they smiled at each other shyly and Matt occasionally swung their arms together beaming like he could still not believe they were actually there together in this way!  
He was amazed as Alex pointed out all of the wild plants that grew here but not in the UK, knowing everything about them even their complicated scientific names of each and every single one...some of which he just couldn't pronounce right! He tried to tell Alex that she could only do it because she could speak German and her mouth must have developed more differently than his!  
Alex cried hysterically when he tripped over his third tree route, which he thought was rather mean of her considering he was just born with such longer legs, but he couldn't help to forgive her instantly mind, just loving the fact of how every single time that happened she grabbed him so bloody fiercely to steady and protect him!

“We should get a dog!” Matt widely suggested!  
Alex shook her curls and rolled her eyes, “A dog?... And where do you suppose we would keep said dog if i live in LA part-time and you live in London Mr Smith and we are both away from our homes more often than not my little visionary?”  
Matt glanced across to her for a moment, daring to take his eyes away from the ground in the search of another sodding tree route.  
“Not tomorrow Alex...just... in the future you know, One day...maybe, when things have settled around us and we have settled within ourselves and our lives together...  
We could go walking together like this more...would be nice, don't you think?...Like your gardening Kingston... I’ve never really had a relaxing hobby i guess, ya know something to take my mind off the stresses of work. I like this though...this simple walking with you by my side exploring the land around us ...it's...its calming don't you think?”  
She was surprised by his aspiration and endeared by his maturity of such things that wouldn't pay benefit to a lot of young minds...but she reminded herself that this was Matt after all, he was an old soul inside.  
Yes he was erratic, excitable, crazy and impulsive on the outside like his years...but he was also warm and gentle and content in quiet, at his hidden foundation! He longed for the simplicity of life, but always struggled to find it amid the chaos that enveloped him. She indulged him even if she was still uncertain about their future together, she could never destroy one's dreams like that...so she played along…

“ I like golden retrievers...they remind me of you a bit!”  
Matt nudged her shoulder with his, loving the fact that she hadn't shut him down on the spot with his hasty if not rather optimistic premonition. “What all slobbery and hairy with an addiction to jumping in swimming pools”  
She laughed lovingly, “well yes there is that..but they are supposed to be perfect family dogs, good with people and such. Loving and loyal, playful but gentle...what do you think?”  
Matt let go of her hand as the walked and wrapped his arm around her shoulder to hold her closer , “I think that sounds real good Kingston...really good, shall we call him The Doctor and get him a bowtie collar?”  
She giggled at the idea , “It could be a bitch Matt...she would have to be named River and she will pounce on you with her filthy paws every time you come home and lick you all over, because she’s missed you so freaking much!”  
Shaking his head but amused nonetheless and slightly sexually intrigued if she was talking about said pet or actually herself, always such a tease!….  
“Is that the dog or you Alex?...hmm, Ok ...ok fine then we’ll have two dogs, The Doctor and River!!...It's the only way to go I'm afraid!! ...You can't have one without the other surely!”  
“Sounds good then, it's a future deal darling and I’m totally volunteering you shit picker though Smith!”  
Opening his mouth widely at such a choir, “Oy Rude Kingston...we will share duties thank you very much..!!”  
They both laughed at their little made-up reality, chatting together as they strolled back through the dry woods of the LA hills, heading back to the house feeling suddenly in need of a nice cool drink!

Matt had eventually turned quiet as they headed back nearing the end of their little exploration, his positivity, and energy starting to backtrack like the steps they had taken.  
Alex always as perceptive as ever to his features and behavior queried his current state of mind, feeling rather troubled by his abrupt change in persona... “Are you tired darling? you've gone awfully quiet?”  
He sighed as they walked back through the large gates to Alex’s extensive hillside plot. “ This is my last day here Alex, we head back tomorrow...i just keep remembering that fact i guess!”  
She halted him, turning him to face her taking hold of both his hands tenderly “hey...it's going to be ok Matt, we will get on that plane together and we will get off that plane together! You're not on your own in this and if you panic or get upset...we will deal with it together! Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise Darling!  
He looked down, eyes darting unable to meet her gaze, “what about when i get home...where will you go then?”  
To be honest she hadn't thought that far ahead. Her mission was just to get him safely back to the UK as uneventful as possible. Knowing her home was only a fifteen minutes drive away from Matts in London...she had assumed that they would go back to their own homes and meet up through the day or something like that, as to not inspire the press to theorize that anything could be happening between them any more than their usual friendship! 

London was the worst place on the planet with their press and tabloids and their new relationship was going to be utterly difficult if not impossible to keep secret for very long.  
“I don't know Matt... I really don't know...but your parents...they will want to see you and your friends will be asking about you too...you may even find that you will be glad of some different company. You know i will only be practically just down the road don't you? A mere phone call away and could bob over at any time you needed...We have to be careful with the press don't we?... But I'm sure you already know that darling!”

He shook his head and pulled away from her with a huff, looking like a man in desperate need of alcohol that was edging towards ripping the walls down of the house in an urgent need to find it. He walked quickly to get back inside as fast as he possibly could trying his best not to break into a run…  
She silently cursed to herself as he did so knowing full well what this was because she had already anticipated it... another breakdown! She had assumed it would have happened on their way to the airport. “Shit!!”... She hurried to catch him... “Matt...Matt wait!”

He opened the door and paced back and forth in front of the steps rubbing his hands anxiously across his face as his breathing increased like the air had been stolen away from his lungs. He occasionally tugged at his hair frustratedly and clearly beginning to lose any sense of the self-control he had left, as water filled his eyes.  
God she hated to see him like this! She grabbed hisT-shirt to pull him down to sit on the bottom of the steps if only to save him from wearing a hole in her beloved antique Persian rug!  
“Sit down Matt...now listen to me darling...tell me...tell me what I can do to make things better? You need to talk to me about this, we have to be able to communicate!”  
It came out as a sob, a painful sob that hurt her like a dagger in the heart ...“STAY!”  
She ran her hand through his hair and sighed, pulling him into her chest protectively to shelter him away from the current demons tormenting him. She would do anything for him right now, cut her own bloody hands off if he needed them..anything!  
“But Matt, the press!! How can i do that without people knowing about us?... The press would damage you more at this moment in time ...we need to keep them away not encourage them to your door right now...at least not until you are well enough darling. It would be too much for you Matt, they think you only bloody fell and bumped your head for christ sakes... they have no idea what's happening with you right now and a new relationship...especially one with me would cause too much of a media storm that your just not equipped to deal with right now!”

He didn't answer as he leaned over to put his head in his hands hiding his face away as best he could, breathing heavy and erratic to the point of hyperventilating.  
She started to panic herself at that moment furiously willing a solution to enter her mind before he passed out helplessly in her arms through the stress of it all.  
Varied solutions whipped through her pounding brain, batteling each other trying so desperately to figure some way out of this painful predicament, as soon as fucking possible before she broke down too!  
She had promised to be there for him and instantly felt like she was already letting him down. He was dying inside because he needed her and she was dying inside because she needed him...but she also knew that she needed to protect him from any further harm if she could!!  
Alex realistically knew she was currently his anchor to life and in reality, she really didn't want to leave him alone any more than he didn't want to be left, especially in a place where he tried to take his own life not barely two weeks ago.  
The thought alone made her insides crumble and roll over with intense sickness that threatened to empty itself out into a bucket later...Think now.. pewk later ...focus Alex!  
Finally after much debate, an idea flicked into her mind that could offer them a bit of leeway to the situation…  
Running her hand up and down his back, ”I've been thinking about getting my kitchen remodeled for a while now!  
Um, What if i finally get someone in to do it and we say that I’m staying at yours until the work is complete because i can't do with the noise or disruption or whatever...so you offered to put me up until the works complete. That could work...people already know we're friends and it wouldn't look too fishy would it, just you helping out a mate?”  
He instantly lifted his head and pulled her in tightly into him sobbing as any broken man would…but practically gasping in relief as he did so. She managed to pick out a few strangled words through the tears as she ran her hand soothingly around his arms and back, “Thank you ... I'm sorry ...need you ...stay ...love you!” 

Alex eventually calmed Matt down enough to leave him settled on the sofa while she went to fetch him some water because he felt a bit sick. She came to sit with him putting some crap tv on for a bit of background noise while she pulled him down to rest his head in her lap so she could run her fingers soothingly through his hair as he relaxed into her. warm thighs!  
“I’m sorry Alex!”  
She looked down at him staring at the tv but not actually seeing it through the blur of his own thoughts!... She would do anything to take this depression away from him, it was strange to think that not hours ago he was messing around throwing both of them in the pool like a kid who'd had his Weetabix ...it would be another couple of weeks before his medication actually started to help him enough to make a difference to the chemical imbalance currently invading his body into what seemed like a split personality disorder from the outside .

“Matt you have nothing to be sorry for, just rest darling, I'm here and I will be with you when you get home now, so there's no need to worry now ok, it's sorted! ...Anyway darling, seen as I’m quite indecisive when it comes to the decor of the home, you can help me choose some new kitchen units later on the laptop if you like...I would value your opinion on them if you're going to be making me lots of breakfast in bed on a regular basis at some point!”

She leaned down to kiss his forehead gently and he hummed with a chuckle, rolling from his side to his back to look up at her. She was glad that she managed to make him smile a bit after his tiny little blip. His face puzzled in thought before he spoke...her hand still caressing his hair fondly.  
”I like the black granite tops in me flat, do you remember?..The sparkly ones... you liked them didn't you?...you said they’d be perfectly posh enough for you to shag on!”  
She gasped...vaguely remembering the night in question... “darling I think I was fueled with your rather expensive wine, anyway Karren started it when she asked you if you had christened your new kitchen yet! Good memory though...trust you to remember something like that!”  
He laughed finally and it warmed her heart beating back into a more relaxed rhythm again. “Remember it Kingston...i remember it vividly...I had many dreams about me and you shagging on those sparkles for about two week after that, thank you very much!”

She smirked, “Well if those sparkles are still there then maybe you'll get lucky sometime!”  
He put a hand over his face, his smile still breaking through his fingers along with his muffled laugh, “bloody hell Kingston stop it now woman or I’m going to have a rather embarrassing problem in a minute!”  
She sighed playfully, pulling his hand away to entwine her fingers with his in one of his hands, “Oh fine then if you insist, I'll be lenient with you..just for today!”  
There was a brief moment of quiet while they stewed a bit in comfortable ease, “so you think i should have black granite then?”  
Matt shook his head “Naaa, i think wood tops would be better for your house, it's got more character...ya know something dark but full of texture like walnut perhaps! That would look amazing in your kitchen with a large Belfast sink and would go really well with some stylish cream country unit’s...maybe an Arga...but get a retro-style fridge like a Smeg or something, in blue, yes ...blue...can you get blue Alex?...That would look bloody awesome if you could!”  
She couldn't help but kiss his head again, thinking how utterly adorable he had just sounded planning out her kitchen in a rather perfect way that she may even entertain if she were honest !

Later in the evening they both picked out the Kitchen together which Matt seemed to enjoy and really got involved with passionately, probably because it was helping to take his mind away from the trip back home tomorrow...or maybe he just liked this sort of thing.  
Alex arranged for them to start work on Tuesday although she would need to bob over Monday morning just to give direction on a few niggling problems and Matt wanted to come and see the guys anyway to make sure they weren't some dodgy mother fuckers who would mess the whole job up and take his Kingston for a ride.  
Other than that small visit though she had planned just to leave them to it.  
It was something she had been wanting to sort out for a while now but just never got around to it, so she was quite excited to get the whole project in motion. It had felt rather fun to have Matts help choose the units and tiles creating something that they both actually liked. She had always been the one to make decisions like that and always on her own, for she was a strong independent woman after all, but even this could not deter her away from the feeling that it had felt really, really good to simply share the burden of planning something like this with someone she trusted and whose opinion she actually valued.  
Matt had surprised her too! She was profoundly impressed with his taste in decor quite frankly...he had an eye for character and design and of course he already had the useful knowledge of being in her home a couple of times before so he knew her laid back London home was much more different to her more modern LA one.  
I wonder if he would be up for designing the living room next she mused!

The evening flew by quite quickly and eventually they fell into bed together instantly snuggling up to each other with such wonderful ease, touching and occasionally slipping into a couple slowly loving languid snog’s before they eventually drifted off to sleep.  
The next morning was tense from the get-go, to say the least.  
Matt was quiet and reserved understandably but still trying his best to put on a few smiles and crack a few jokes in between bouts of his nervous anxiety. She let him be and gave him all the space he needed, careful to let him act out how he needed to without any form of judgment or force so he could get through the day in his own way!  
Alex gave herself the simple task to make sure he was fed and watered and had taken his medication, before finishing a few odd jobs off around the house before they left.  
Eventually they made it to the airport after holding his clammy hand tightly for support in the Taxi, she hated to let him go again once in the public eye until they were hidden once more in the safety of the plane.  
She wanted nothing more than to just throw her arms around him and shower him with affectionate kisses, while whispering loving words of support and encouragement into his ears. Well the whispering she could do at least...couldn't she? So she did just that leaning up to him many times throughout the day offering words of encouragement, jokes and love to support him, anything she could think of to calm his struggling thoughts! 

”Breath Matt, count to ten…. I’m here!”....

”I'm going to snuggle you rotten on that plane Mr Smith!”.....

”your doing amazing darling!” …..

”I hope I can contain myself around your sparkling granite worktops Matthew!”...

”deep breath,”...

“Lean on Me then, I’m all squishy you said!”...

“I’ll swap you my chocolate pudding if you give me your crackers…..What?….No, not knackers darling ...crackers!!! ….But now that you mention it...!”...  
“Have you ever joined the mile high club?”

“Do you want to join the mile high club?”

“What do you suppose the benefits of the mile high club consist of?”

“ nearly home in time for proper snuggles and kisses Matt.!”...

“We made it darling!!!”

They fell into Matts flat around 2 am and after leaving their luggage abandoned obstructively in the hallway. They both just took off their clothes leaving on their underwear through delirious exhaustion... Matt in his boxer’s and Alex in her pants and shirt after she slipped her bra off from underneath skillfully, then fell into bed together passing out within minutes!

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex stirred and naturally grasped tighter on to the waist of the warm body she was currently holding on to. She opened her eyes to see a set of familiar beautiful brown ones staring right back at her, god she loved waking up to him like that. He was gorgeous! “Mmm good morning Mr Smith”  
His charming smile brightened further as he spoke in his usual delicious low and gravely just woken up voice, “Well...Good afternoon to you Miss Kingston!”  
She lifted her head to survey his room as she had never been in Matt’s bedroom before and it was dark when they got here so she didn't really taken note of her surroundings.  
She sobered...” it's already afternoon? Fuck...i hate landing at that time in the morning... it's so disorientating...gonna take me a week to get back in sync again, urgh” she groaned.  
Matt hummed and started to stroke her hair when she flopped her head back down to the pillow, he leaned over to give her a gentle morning kiss!”  
When he pulled away again she touched his face softly, he couldn't help but lean into it, “how are you this morning darling?”

He bent his elbow so he could rest his head in his hand as he looked down upon Alex. Smiling as he played with her hair, twisting it around his fingers again and again with his free hand, a habit he tended to do quite a lot since they had become a more intimate item.  
“I’m good..um better…. just so happy and relieved that your still here honestly Alex!”  
“It's quite nice to be here darling...i like your room by the way!!!  
She glanced around again, the corners of her mouth turning up, “It's very bacheloresk”  
He chuckled “ yes..i suppose it needs a woman's touch doesn't it...definitely got one now that you're here though hasn't it Kingston?”  
Alex smiled which quickly turned into a bout of unease suddenly wondering how many other women had actually slept in this bed, or not slept for that fact! She shuddered at the thought, thinking quite a lot probably over the past couple of years...especially after the things Matt had told her!  
She sat up feeling a bit uncomfortable in the moment but trying her best not to let it show. “Best get up then and see what we can scrounge to eat...i think we'll have to go shopping for food or something no doubt!”

Matt ran a hand through his hair, “Nahhh it's not that dire, got Arthur to stock up the fridge for us before we came...looks like he also had a bit of a tidy around the flat too because it was never this clean before!”  
Alex stood and curiously walked over to look at the view of the street outside, peeking through the curtains to get a small glance at the good old English weather! Pissing it down...typical!  
“You know your so lucky to have a friend like that Matt!”  
He sighed, getting up to stand behind her wrapping his arms lovingly around her waist.  
”I know....your right love... I've taken him for granted a bit, I owe him a lot...even my bloody life don't i?  
He placed a tender kiss on her neck... “I’ll see if he wants to join us for dinner tonight... even if it does feel tremendously inadequate as a thank you gift!”  
She turned around still maintaining his embrace, “I'm sure he’ll be grateful just to see his mate is ok Matt and i can't wait to see dad again! I’ve missed him! Perhaps I could cook him his favourite... steak with pepper sauce...the mans so easy to please thank goodness!”  
Matt pouted playfully, “Hey, try not to make me jealous Kingston...where is my favorite dish!”  
She tiptoed up to his level, whispering seductively “i thought that was me!” she kissed his nose.  
“Damn right you are woman!”

Dinner time soon came around and Arthur was free for dinner when Matt had phoned him earlier. There was a knock at the door and he answered to Arthur standing there with a bottle of wine and chocolates like a good one.  
Matt beamed, “hey mate, what's all this?...Bit romantic isn't it, are you expecting to get lucky with me or something?”  
Arthur laughed, “I see you've got your sense of humor back then! Actually these are for Alex for having to put up with you for near on a week ya twat!”  
Matt laughed but couldn't help bringing Arthur in for a manly cuddle like the natural hugger he was, he squeezed him tightly...feeling quite emotional upon seeing him again...not realizing how much he had actually missed his dear friend until then! 

“Thanks Mate...i never said it properly before because I was being a git at the time...but really... thank you!”  
He pulled back leaving a hand on his shoulder. “And not just for saving my life back then... that must have been horrible for you and I’m so sorry for putting you through that….i am! ...It's just… I don't know...just, thank you for taking care of my family and calling my friends and Alex every day, for cleaning the flat out and shopping...everything Arthur. You've done so much for me and I really didn't deserve it and I don't deserve a friend like you. So thanks mate...i just wanted you to know. No... I need you to know that I'll never forget what you've done for me Arthur, i won't !”

A stray tear rolled down Arthur's cheek, as he was still struggling to come to terms with his friend still alive and breathing in the flesh, standing there expressing his gratitude with a genuine smile on his face!  
It was the first time in a long time since he had seen his friend again...Yes he had seen Matt down the pub and stuff in the last few months, but he had changed. He had become unrecognizable in both his attitude and demeanor.  
But now... now he was back and he could see his genuine gratitude, his cheeky sense of humor and even the color in his cheeks was a welcome sight from the pale pasty stranger that once was!  
He broke into a smile ” Thanks Matt,but I only saved you cos i like to whoop your arse on the Xbox ya twat! Anyway wheres my daughter?...Don't want to talk to your face if your gonna continue to make me blub like a baby!”

Matt laughed ushering him through the hall and into the kitchen where Alex was currently stirring her homemade pepper sauce Arthur's favorite!  
Arther walked in instantly eyeing Alex at the stove, “What?? He's got my daughter cooking for him already!!!...the nerve!!”  
Alex spun around brightening the whole room with her incredible aura and smile as Matt walked up taking the spoon carefully out of her hand while whispering something suggestive into her ear that she giggled at fondly...slightly falling into him.  
Matt then continued to stir it for her.  
Arthur watched the exchange carefully, he instantly sensed a change in their usual dynamic ...something was...well he didn't quite know what it was, but something seemed well..a bit different between!  
She came over smiling brightly, breaking him from his curiosity, “Dad, come here Mr... I've missed you so bloody much !”  
Arthur held out his wine and chocolates graciously bowing slightly, like the perfect gentleman...always so theatrical Alex loved it! “For the lady of course!”  
She took them with a joyful expression “ aww you're always such a gentleman Arthur, she kissed his cheek as she took them gratefully, turning to Matt who was still stirring sauce but had turned to watch their interaction fondly.  
“Oy stop eyeing up my chocolates you!. I’m gonna hide them anyway...you won't even be able to get a sniff of them Smith!”  
Matt chuckled “Now that's just mean Kingston!” 

Alex turned to put her presents on the table then wrapped Arthur up into a hug, “How you doing Arthur...really... have you been ok with everything?”  
He nodded as she pulled away, speaking so quietly not wanting Matt to hear, “yeah I’m good thanks Alex... well still coping with events not to put too finer point on it. Obviously been worrying like hell about that knob over there but he was certainly in the best of hands I can see that now!”  
Alex pulled him over to sit at the table as she chatted quietly to him in return, “Yeah he's getting there Arthur, up and down you know. He was like death when he showed up...i was so scared for him... but he's eating good now and thinking more clearly on his medication. He had a little moment before coming back home yesterday but I think he's on a good path now as a whole!”  
Arthur smiled and reached for her hand which she took gladly, “You've done amazing with him Alex...truly!! He’s been so lost with himself for a long time, I didn't know how to pull him back out...if only I'd known all he needed was a bit of Kingston Magic ay!”

Matt brought Arthur a beer over simultaneously eyeing their hands joined across the table, “So I leave you alone for two minutes and your already stealing my Wife Darvill? “  
Arthur shook his head, pulling his hand away from Alex, “How can I steal my own daughter you moron?... Is my pepper sauce ready Twat, I've been waiting an age?”  
Matt laughed at him, “yeah it's ready when you've all finished talking about me behind my back ...don't think i didn't notice the whispering. You're both about as in-discreet as a baboons backside, its hilarious!”  
Alex slapped him playfully, “Oh shut up you and go pour me an orange juice please, we were just discussing your shit Christmas present !”  
Matt frowned, “have a glass of wine Alex, don't make Arthur drink on his own!”  
Alex knew Matt couldn't have alcohol at the moment and she had held off any such beverage since he had come to LA...never indulging in a nice evening glass of wine...it just didn't feel right!”  
“No I'm fine thanks darling... Arthurs a big boy and i would like to save the wine for another time if that's ok!”  
Matt sighed and looked at her knowing full well that she was holding off because of him. He gently placed a hand gently over her shoulder, “just one is ok, surly love!”

Arthur watched the exchange, (`love?...in all their years they had hung out together Matt had never used that term of endearment towards Alex before?`)  
She placed her hand over his that was still rested upon on her shoulder, “Really Matt, please... let's save it for another day yeah!”  
She tapped his hand then realized her mistake and quickly removed it like scalding water, turning back to Arthur who was looking at them with intense intrigue and bemusement written across his features.  
She cleared her throat, raising her eyebrows, “ Besides, I don't want to get drunk around you boys, who knows where I might end up! ” She winked naughtily and stood to go back over to get the steak ready and dish out the vegetables, while simultaneously feeling relieved to escape the situation that had accidentally been created!  
Matt sat down grumbling to himself a bit more about the wine, totally oblivious to the dilemma that Alex already knew Arthur was currently musing about !

They all finally sat down together to eat, laughing and joking about work and such Occasionally chatting about Karren, with the boys making fun out of her bald head she had to have while she played the character of Nebula in Guardians. Alex had threatened them both that she was going to tell Karren everything they had been saying about her so she could eventually get payback for their brotherly tormenting!  
It felt good for all, familiar and just like old times in a manner of speaking.  
They all soon eventually settled down into the living room with full bellies along with a perfectly pleasant and contented atmosphere.  
Arthur was sitting across from Matt and Alex who were sat at opposite ends of the sofa like bookends...Well if that wasn't obvious enough to Arthur that something was going on then nothing was.  
They had never been so far apart in all the years Arthur had known them, this was obviously a conscious decision between the two of them ... a diversion of some sorts.  
He couldn't contain himself any longer and tried to pry...It was times like this that he missed Karren, she could have made them spill the beans in a matter of seconds with her unruly gob!

“So Alex... getting your kitchen done are you...wasted no time moving out...have they started already? You only just got back!”  
She twirled with her earring a bit flustered, “oh erm, no, well they're coming on Tuesday...we just...i mean i thought it best to come straight here because Matt was a bit apprehensive about returning home alone, so well we just both agreed I should just come straight here instead of making it a back and forth thing!”  
Matt nodded “yeah and anything to keep my own private chef a bit longer!”  
She threw a cushion at him, “wanker!”  
Arthur chuckled, and rubbed his chin, still trying to figure them out. “Yeah well...we all know you can cook Alex, Matt is lucky to have you, if only for a little while!”  
Turning to Matt, “You should return the favor Mate, don't be letting her slave on you hand and foot all day, every day!” 

Matt puffed out his chest suddenly alert and defensive from being accused of taking advantage of his beautiful goddess …”Hey, I tried...Alex she...she always beats me to it Arthur ...don't you Kingston?”  
Alex rolled her eyes while he continued in his desperate plea...  
I never get a chance to cook with her though Arthur. Perhaps I should just book days Alex and say that I'm cooking on Wednesdays then you the next day and so on..would that be better? A timetable of sorts...hey we could even do menu's Sweetheart!” 

Alex opened her mouth to say something sarcastic but was promptly halted after noting that yet another endearment Matt unintentionally let spill from his lips, shocked her into silence again.  
Honestly!!...What the hell!!... And they said she had no self-control!…  
Matt continued defensively and now verbally incapable of stopping with the idea that his so-called Mate thought that he was using his precious wonderful Kingston as a personal handmaiden to tend to his personal needs like some sort of slave, while he suggestively pretended to be sick.  
Really...did he even think he had a bell hidden in his trouser pocket too?  
”I got up especially early that morning Alex...snuck away from you like there was a motion detector attached to the bed trying my hardest not to wake you in an attempt of making you a nice breakfast! Ok, ok, so it was just jam on toast, but I'm not Gordan bloody Ramsey, am i?... Then you go and scare the shit out of me, didn't you?... She made me jump Arthur...on purpose I might add!!... Then the whole thing ended up in the sink.!!  
So ok...ok that was just one lame attempt at me making food but i will do better, i promise i will Kingston, that was your kitchen...i didn't know how to work things!”  
He ran a hand through his hair agitatedly “ umm...perhaps i should get cooking lessons...does Ramsey even teach or is that just for show? Actually no I don't want him he's too intimidating and shouty...what about Jamie Oliver does he give lessons, he seems more approachable even he could possibly teach me to boil an egg I’m sure, what do yall think?””

There was silence as Matt looked between Alex and Arthurs seemingly shocked faces patiently awaiting his answer about Ramsey or Oliver!  
He looked puzzled as hell before he had had the nerve to ask….“What’s up?”  
Alex looked down while rubbing her brow, speaking quietly to herself saying something that sounded rather like “fucking Duct tape his bloody gob up!”

Arthur cleared his throat a bit...“so erm, you snuck out of her bed did you, careful not to wake her?”  
Arthur gleamed... “Nice one Mate!!”  
He did a double thumbs up to Matt...His smirk quickly developing into a chuckle and that chuckle soon progressing into a very annoying laugh as he looked between the two of them like a naughty pair of kids who just got caught with their hands in the candy jar…  
“Very nice indeed...i take it that was supposed to be breakfast in bed Mate? Always the charmer aren't you? I'm actually quite impressed if I'm honest, I hope you made up for that hilarious disaster with a foot massage or candlelit bubble bath or something!”  
Alex tried to chip in while Matt was still frozen into a state of shock over his ridiculous but informative outburst! “

“Arthur it's not what you think!”  
Arthur shook his head accepting nothing, “No ..No...its exactly what i think daughter...i knew the moment i walked in when Matt took the spoon off you to continue stirring your fucking amazing pepper sauce...He whispered into your ear and you gave each other such a look of adoration that i have never seen between you guys before...honestly I’m not stupid….why are you even hiding it anyway?...This is great news guys, about bloody time if I'm honest...Kaz owes me twenty quid now the loser, I’m still in the time frame...only just thank god!”

There was still silence in the air between Matt and Alex as Arthur sighed smiling to himself while he reclined back into the chair taking a well-deserved swig of his delicious beer... A smile on his face like a bloody Cheshire cat, that upon Arthur looked quite unusual because he was a naturally rather reserved person with an unusually dry sense of humor.  
But at this moment in time, he looked thoroughly entertained and almost completely stoned with merriment about the whole bizarre situation!


	6. Sweet Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT...the calm before the storm. I am not sorry!

Matt looked to Alex and she looked straight back to him, panic written across her features clear as day. His face finally softened and he shrugged his shoulders considering but accepting defeat..” sorry Kingston...my bad!”  
Alex shook her curls, then turned to Arthur who was still thoroughly entertained by this little luwow that had pleasantly occurred.  
“You can’t tell anyone Arthur!!!... We need it to be kept behind closed doors for now...Do you understand?”  
Alex spoke with a level of authority that even Arthur didn't want to argue with...she was a no-nonsense woman when it came down to it and the look she just gave him said...``Try it...i dare you!!`

He nodded, suddenly sensing the seriousness of her tone. Matt urged himself to chip in trying to break the tension knowing that Alex was instinctively just trying to protect him from the media and Arthur needed to understand this!  
“We just don't want the press to get a hold of us yet Arthur ...not until I'm able to deal with it better anyways...It's been a difficult time as it is lately without adding more fuel to the fire. We are wanting to take things slow and in private for now, that’s all mate!”  
Alex chewed on her lip anxiously awaiting a whiplash. This was the first person to find out about her and Matt’s new relationship and she was not only fearful of the media in such a situation, but also about the criticism of people close to them for her being an older woman with a younger man...her ex co-star for goodness sakes!  
Arthur leaned forward placing his beer on the matt on the side table, all joking aside and clasped his hands together, his seriousness affirmed.  
“I get it, i do and I'm sorry for pressing the matter guys... you both deserve your privacy for as long as you can get it and I especially think you're doing the right thing where your concerned Matt! But... can I just say how absolutely thrilled it makes me feel... you two belong together, anybody can see that!”  
He gestured with his hands, “you can move closer together now though because I have to say it's making me slightly uncomfortable seeing you both sat so far away from each other...it's just plain weird!”

Matt chuckled and opened his arm out to Alex, “come here love...Arthurs demanding it of us!”  
Alex looked between the two men feeling slightly uncomfortable with the turn of events.  
Was Arthur just saying this because he didn't want to hurt his delicate friend’s feelings at this moment?  
Did Arthur think she was taking advantage of the situation or something for her own personal satisfaction like some sort of deprived cradle robber?  
She found she suddenly needed some space from the situation as it overwhelmed her. Her heart and her head battling it out once more.  
“I just remembered i need to put the drier on or I won't have any clean clothes for tomorrow... won't be a minute!”  
She hastily left the room after her lame excuse unable to meet the eyes of either of the guys that looked on markedly confused and stunned by her abrupt departure.  
Arthur looked back to Matt and frowned, “Was it something I said?”

Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “No, it's just...she's extremely worried about me i know, but she also expressed to me about her concern over what people would think about us...i think she's having a difficult time believing that people will be accepting of us, you know with the age difference of all things!”  
Shaking his head, Arthur squared to him, “Well that's bloody ridiculous mate, she needs to throw those doubts away quickly before they consume her...it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! If you make each other happy which you both clearly do then nothing else matters... And before you say anything more about it... let me just say to you that it had never once entered my head about you being younger or her being older... I never saw that between you!  
I just saw two people who would be absolutely perfect for each other and if you will just give me five minutes with Alex I will certainly reassure her about her apparent concerns!”  
Arthur stood rubbing his hands together in preparation for his fatherly speech, but before he left the room he turned to Matt who was still sitting on the couch brooding...he looked up.  
“Alex Kingston?….Alex Fucking Kingston Matt….Your one lucky son of a bitch do you know that?”  
Matt beamed proudly, laughing while nodding in full agreement obviously, but still not quite believing it himself if he were honest!

Arthur walked into the kitchen to see Alex Sat at the dining table picking at her fingernails in what seemed to be a deep and troublesome thought. She looked up instantly as Arthur sat down across from her...his gaze one of question and concern!  
She wasted no time in getting straight to the point...“Are you disgusted with me Arthur?”  
He couldn't believe his own ears, women had always confused him and Alex was definitely no exception, it was clear though that she was scared from the pains of the past. She couldn't see the wonderful person that others saw in her and her deeply hidden insecurities, just made him care about her wellbeing even more!  
“What?? ...No that's the last thing I would ever be Alex...why would you even think that... are you insane?”

She shrugged her shoulders a bit looking back down to her nails that she was currently attempting to disfigure.  
“because Matts in a difficult place right now and not really thinking clearly is he?...  
Perhaps I'm taking advantage of him because he wouldn't want me figuratively speaking when his mind finally recovers...  
Because I'm an old fool struggling for work and he's a young Idol in the height of his career and i need a tag along...  
Because i can't give him kids, not in the way he would want or deserve in any case...  
Because he's too good for me in all aspects of his existence and i have enough baggage with me to fill all the Airports in the UK and America put together…  
Just because Arthur…  
Just because!!!”...

Arthur reached out to take her hands if only to stop her from making her wincing fingers bleed, “Those are all your fears Alex...fears of what others might think about everything and you shouldn't pay mind to them Alex because it isn't at all true!!... There will be some ignorant people out there, yes, as there always is with any new relationship in the public eye. But it doesn't mean they are right Alex and it doesn't mean you have to listen to it...Anyone can see how much you love Matt and how much he means to you and has always meant to you.  
You've practically pulled him back from the dead with all that love you have for him in that wondrous heart of yours... And listen to me right now Alex...make sure you hear me on this, please... Matt does love you and has always loved you, long before all of this!!”

Her eyes flickered up as if he had mentioned yet another lingering doubt of her insecurities, he continued through a curious gaze.  
“There are numerous occasions where he had told me so, too many to mention in fact... But the one that sticks out in my mind the most was the day when we had been filming the Wedding of River Song.”  
Alex smiled at the memory, “Mmm, that was a good day!”  
Arthur agreed, “yes it was ...and after you regretfully had to leave to go back to wardrobe after that sensual kissing scene on the pyramid. That kiss gave me chills by the way, the chemistry between you guys was electric that night…” He chuckled, “even Karren said she needed a cold shower after that sensual snog!” Alex rolled her eyes with a smile.  
“Anyway, I walked over to Matt who was making us coffee and he turned to me and do you know what he said?  
Alex shook her head, making a standard guess, “where’s the kit kats?”  
Arthur chuckled, “no... although he did ask for their whereabouts after...you know him so well Alex !”  
Arthur continued, “No... He told me with the most sincere and most serious expression that i have ever seen on him either anytime before or anytime ever since, that he would ask you out on a date tomorrow if he ever thought he was good enough for you, or that you would even accept him as anything more than a friend and then he would probably ask you to Marry him the day after that!... He said that you were the most amazing, perfect, smart and most beautiful woman he had ever had the privilege to meet and his entire life's ambition if he ever had one, would be to make you his girl for the rest of his life!... Then he just smiled at me and asked for the kit kats!!”  
Alex stared at him unbelieving with mouth ajar and a couple of stray tears dripping down her cheek unknowingly.  
Arthur tilted his head to keep her lowering eyes on him, “so you see you Alex... you both think that your not good enough for each other when in actual fact you are absolutely perfect!”  
He sighed, “ Now please go back into that room and give the poor concerned twat a hug for christ sakes because the distance between you guys in there was killing me!!” 

Alex stood up with a laugh and pulled Arthur into a hug, “Your such a good friend Arthur, thank you! You really don't know how much it means for me to hear you say all that...i honestly don't know what's wrong with me!”  
“It's fine Alex and your concerns are just! It will take you time to get over them...but don't give up on your true feeling about that knob in there don't. Because you deserve to be happy too and he wants nothing more than to make you as happy as he is able!”

Alex took a big breath breathing out all the tension that she had held onto unwittingly, finally feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.  
Arthur had accepted her and Matt with such surprising ease and joy and had reassured her that Matts feelings had existed way before his depression...She needed to hear that again!  
Matt had already told her this, but hearing it from somebody else was a necessary comfort. Her mind had been corrupted a lot over the years and she still bore the scars of such fraudulent truths and deception...not that she would think Matt was capable of such a despicable thing just to get in her pants on a trophy hunt because he wasn't.  
She was completely certain of that fact!!  
This was her own minds creation, because it had simply become a routine for her, to second guess things, to need reassurance again and again about tender matters concerning the heart.  
But this was Matt... her Matt and she needed to just stop worrying about everyone else and what they will think about everything and just love him. Because she did...she did love him, with every beat in her body and more and he needed to know it for sure if they were ever going to be able to move forward.  
If she couldn't admit it to herself and to him then how could she ever think to show the world that they belong together, that they were united as one!! 

Arthur and Alex walked back into the room where Matt was still sitting on the couch scrolling on his phone in a lame attempt at a distraction, but actually just staring at the blurred screen in such a growing worry and concern for what Alex was thinking...was she going to run?  
He looked up nervously as they entered hoping Alex was alright...her eyes looked a bit red. He shuffled in the seat anxiously and put his phone to the side, “Alex love, are you ok?”  
She surprised him as she came instantly to sit across his lap wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek soundly before she pulled back to look at him “I’m sorry darling, had a bit of a wobble there for a second..heart and mind playing tricks on me again, you know how it is!”  
He rubbed her arm soothingly, relief flooding his veins that she was still here with him in this sort of way, “its ok sweetheart, are you feeling ok now?”  
She nodded, eyes fixated on his like precious sapphires,  
“Yes…. i Love you Matt!”  
Matt's face lit up in an instant, so fast that he actually thought he might just combust with delight.  
This was the first time she’d spoken the words, those actual words that he had always longed to hear falling gracefully from her lips like a priceless poem... “ I….i didnt...i don't think i heard what you just said Kingston... could you...ya know, please tell me again so i can just confirm my suspicions!”  
She rolled her eyes as she smiled and caressed his cheek, pecking his lips once with endearing promise, “I love you very, very much Mr Smith! Your charm, your generosity, your funny and silly personality, your sensitivity and even your amazing jam and toast! ...Everything you were, are and will be and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you if you’ll let me!”

Matt couldn't contain his excitement of hearing those words finally falling from her lips, he told himself he didn't need to hear them, but hearing them now he knew that he really truly did.  
It was everything he had ever wanted to hear, music to his ears and it impacted his heart like a bowling ball earning itself a strike in joyous return.  
He pressed his lips against hers in wild earnest, and she reciprocated and opened up to him allowing him the access that he so desperately desired. His tongue gratefully sought her out like she was the most deliciously rare fruit that he had ever tasted. She was simply divine as he held her as close to him as humanly possible, while her fingers ran through his hair producing a physical pleasure that made him groan with rapturous lust! 

Arthur cleared his throat seeking acknowledged attention...but to his amusement, they didn't appear to hear while they were currently lost in the midst of euphoria!  
He tried again, a bit louder this time and they both abruptly stopped breathless and flush turning to see him standing near the doorway with his arms folded and that weirdo grin on his face again.  
“ I’m going now if anyone's at all interested ... I have an early meeting at the Theatre to attend in the morning and by the looks of it you two love birds might want to spread your wings a bit more. Um, perhaps take it to the bedroom, “... he cheeky gave a wink ...“and I'm really not at all into watching my mates put on that sort of show, no matter how entertaining tonight has been for me!”

Matt chuckled as he and Alex stood up trying to gain a little composure, well just enough to walk Arthur back out down the hall.  
Matt held an arm around Alex as they made their way to the door.  
Alex leaned in to bid him goodnight, “Thanks for coming Arthur and thank you for my little chat...i really think i needed it dad!”  
He smiled as he leaned in to kiss her cheek, “that's what I'm here for Alex, anytime you need, and thanks for my amazing pepper sauce too...legend!!!...Oh and by the way, you must come to the show on open night, I would love to see you both there!!”  
“Will do Arthur, thank you again, I really can't wait to see the new show, it sounds fabulous!” Alex stepped back as Matt offered a manly handshake to his bro in the hood, “see ya mate, thanks for coming tonight, and for supporting us both so much, it means a lot to us!... So we will see you opening night then yeah? I promise I'll turn up this time too!”  
Arthur chuckled, well seeing is believing but knowing you'll be in Alex’s capable hands I have high hopes for you!” See you then guys...oh and please behave!!” He smirked naughtily as he left.

Matt closed the door after him turning to Alex with raised eyebrows, “Behave???... Whatever do you suppose he means by that Miss Kingston?”  
Alex closed the distance to wrap her arms around his neck playing along, “I honestly have no idea Mr Smith, but I've never been one to follow such a restricted rule like that in any case, it's far too limiting when there isn't a bed in sight!”  
Matt leaned into peck her lips teasingly between spoken words…” so I take it ... you're a very, very…..naughty ...girl?”  
Her hands slid down his back slowly with direct intent only to squeeze his bum in a shock move that made him surge his hips forward into her own. She answered in her own direct way... “very naughty!”  
Matt let out a gasp of air at the seduction in her tone and a growl escaped him, “I love a bad girl me!”  
She leaned up on her toes to whisper saucily into his ear ... “prove it!!!”

He wasted no time and instantly pushed her against the door forcefully to take her lips against his in a passionate kiss. She moaned eagerly into him, which in turn made his arousal stir increasingly beyond any form of restraint that he thought he would be able to hold onto.  
Her hands ran the length of his body as he broke away from her mouth to trail hot kisses along her jaw and down her neck, nipping and teasing her along the way.  
She tilted her head to give him access as his lips ran across her skin like wildfire. His hands began to wander up the side of her hips boldly under her top and aiming further up to cup her perfectly full breast with his careful and sensual hands.  
She arched in response and that just thrilled him more, he needed her flesh desperately under his right now. God, she felt absolutely amazing but he needed to see her in all her beautiful glory, apparently urgently his body decided, so he pulled away to take the hem of her shirt and lifted it quickly. She raised her arms instantly to accommodate him as he pulled it up and over her head tossing it to the ground with manly pride.  
Alex had the same sort of urgency and needed him as much as he needed her. She took this opportunity to do the same with Matts t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head too to land in the same pile as hers on the greedy dark oak floor. 

He instantly surged his body back against hers with his erection now fully evident and pressing up along her body with an intense need to seek her out finally and become one.  
Her warm delicate fingers ran across his body intensifying his need for her as her nails scraped slightly along his skin with delicious desire and a formally forbidden, unleashed longing.  
Their mouths tied knots with their tongues frantically seeking out the other in a playful challenge of battle and dominance. Her hands instinctively moved down now across his torso tickling and tantalizing, moving down his abdomen and skating across the thin layer of soft hairs that existed there, to directly attend to the buttons on his jeans.  
He broke away gasping with intense need but trying to see past his own self-indulgence as she gasped deliriously too... “Alex ...what are we...you don't have to ...are you sure love, are we ready for this?”  
She answered breathlessly but with a clear certainty about her, ...“I want you Matt! I love you and I want you right now...Do you...do you not want to? You don't have to either...i will understand!”  
He placed his forehead against hers, his precious girl, “Christ Yes...i always want you sweetheart...always... you're like a drug to me, i love you too Alex!”

He cleared his throat a bit... “Shall we err...shall we go to the bedroom then... because this is our first time and we’re against the front door Alex?” He chuckled, finally paying mind to where they were and loving the fact that they were already half undressed!

Alex shook her head with a giggle,  
“foreplay is so overrated darling!! I think we are both feeling the same thing here...it won't last long let's be honest with each other!... So i say lets just have a right good fuck...right here... right now against this bloody enticing door that simply craves our attention and then we can take our time discovering each other later, after a nice hot bubble bath together!... What do you say?” 

Well if Matt already thought he was dreaming then all of his dreams had just come true in that very second.  
How the hell did she know exactly what he was craving...she was right too, he wasn't going to last long...he had been waiting bloody years to claim her his queen and mark her as his own.  
God, she was perfect! She always knew just how to excite him and arouse him and surprise him...but more than that... she loved him and she had finally told him so.  
What the hell did Arthur say to her?... He’s gonna buy him a new Audie tomorrow!

”I say fuck yeah Kingston !!”

Matt began to shed his jeans and boxers and Alex shed her trousers and pants too, along with her bra... because there was no real point in leaving that little bit of cloth left on, let's be honest.  
Finally, both naked and eye fucking the shit out of each other before they surged against one another like hot magnetized flesh.  
Their mouths met once more and Alex giggled through him as he wasted no time and easily hitched her up against the door lifting her in an expert fashion.  
Her legs wrapped around him possessively to hold firm and tight, he could already feel her wet warm heat rubbing against his member, patiently waiting for him.  
He had never wanted something so much in his entire godforsaken life, as he carefully placed himself against her entrance and she gasped as he pressed a little into her.  
Their breathing was erratic and he pulled away to gauge her reaction. He was breathless and with an overpowering urgency that was frantically willing control over his body, but he was and always will be in a careful and protective state of mind around her to always ensure her wellbeing and happiness…. “ok love?” 

She was bewildered his tender care, but loved him all the more for it... “don't stop Matt...love you!”.  
Those words again. She keeps saying them now, verbally unrestrained and his heart erupts every damn time she speaks them.  
(`She actually really loves me`,) He can't help but press fully into her with an urgent force and they both moan in unison at the contact they had both desperately desired for such a long time.  
He instantly filled her like no one had ever done before and he wasted no time as he began to thrust with an already a frantic pace.  
This was fucking hotter than hot… Currently Shagging `Matt Smith`, her ex-costar, her longtime friend and secret love, turned lover against the door of his London home.  
He pressed against her hot and heavy setting up a delightful pace, breathing words of love and profanity into her ear that both surprised and delighted her.  
Matt was in ecstasy! She felt perfect as he always dreamed she would... tight and warm and homely in essence. Her breasts were glorious mounds of golden goodness pressed and bouncing between them like wondrous gifts.  
Oy yes, he was going to suck the hell out of those puppies later he quickly thought as he fucked her hard and strong with all the passion spilling out of his sole, but with all the grace and care that only one would ever show to the one they love.  
For she was his pride and joy in this world and he would never do her harm in any way shape or form. She was his queen and even as he was beginning to lose his rhythm in a torturous need to let go while he continued to thrust into her with manly pride...he was fully committed to take her right along with him.  
His hand crept between them, in a more than skillful way and she gasped his name like a sin as he tended directly to her thankful nub…” let go Alex... I've got you...I promise I have... I love you sweetheart!”  
That was all it took and she fell apart in his arms, clenching her internal muscles around him as she gasped his name again and again in mantra.  
Shit...that was his undoing when he finally felt her flutter tightly around his cock, as with one last hard thrust he came into her, coating her insides with a mark of victory and claim.  
And groaning into her shoulder with a bite of his teeth enough to mark her flawless skin!  
There was nothing but the sound of heavy breathing in the air and the smell of sex as their hot clammy bodies stayed together for a moment of frozen blissful heaven.

He carefully let her legs down and pulled out of her.  
She instantly lost all function and stumbled drunkenly with a giggle at her own jelly legs. He held her steady, with his own chuckle helplessly erupting out of him, “was i actually that good Kingston?”  
“Fuck Matt, that was, i mean... fuck you're a good shag aren't you...i will never look at front doors in the same light again after that!!... Fuck!”  
He laughed thinking of the exact same thing and also that if he ever decided to move out of this house then that door they had just awesomely fucked up against was bloody well coming with him...it was sacred!

“Not so bad yourself Kingston and i hope you know that those sparkles in the kitchen are definitely going to be christened very very soon, i think i’m truly addicted to you and i don't want to be cured!  
She lifted his chin to peck his lips, “Mmm i honestly can't wait for that little workout Mr Smith!”  
He beamed and twisted her hair through his fingers, “Hmm now did someone suggest a nice relaxing bubble bath earlier before we begin to explore bodies in a more polite and sensual manner?... Never had two people in my tub before, I'm pretty excited about it!”  
Alex smirked, “I’m so very glad to hear it Matthew, I'm pretty excited too!”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alex leaned back against Matt in the warm swell of the water and surrounded by bubbles. With her hair tied back, he placed a couple of gentle kisses along her shoulder, as his hands stroked tenderly along her arms, occasionally closing inwards brushing over her rounded breasts that were covered with bubbles, transfixing him in fascination and awe.  
She hummed in the comfort of his secure embrace. He had a unique ability that always made her feel so special and loved and wanted! She hoped that that in some way she had the ability to make him feel the same sense of love, security, and trust!  
His voice vibrated through her ears to send shivers down her spine, “I still can't believe our first time was against the front door Alex, what have you done to me woman?”  
She laughed, his favorite throaty laugh that headed straight to his groin, “it was amazing darling, your amazing”!  
She took his hand in hers as he watched her intently bringing it up to her mouth to place gentle kisses along his knuckles, then with a cheeky suck of his finger announcing a promising intent. He swallowed dryly and twitched against her naked form….he's pretty sure he could see the smirk written across her face from the back of her gorgeous curly ponytail...the naughty minx!

“So Arthur knows then...how long do you suppose we can keep this secret Alex?...We failed on the first night already!”  
She sighed, as she released his hand to stroke along the outer side of his thighs under the bubbles while she mused, “I know...but as long as we keep it indoors we should be ok! And I don't expect you to lie to your family Matt, I would never ask that of you!”  
Matts brow furrowed, “you mean, you’d be ok with that, if I told them about our relationship?? Your sure love!”  
She huffed, “Yes, of course I’m sure Matt, i don't want them to resent me more for making you lie about us do i!”  
His hand stilled on her arm as he tilted his head to try and look at her, she turned to him seeing his concerned expression. “Resent you??... Why on earth would they resent you Alex?”  
“Matt, I'm nearly the same age as your mother for goodness sakes...and every mother wants the best for their children...it's only natural and I’m sorry darling but I’m not what you deserve and they will see that clear as day!”  
She looked away continuing to brush her thumb in circular motions across his legs like she simply believed her truth was gospel... “it is what it is!”  
Matt shook his head, “Your wrong love, my sister and my parents have known about my crush on you for a long time now… and all they want is for me to be happy and if you make me happy then they will accept that! They will accept you Alex and Salome believe me love...in fact, i have it under strict instruction that if we were to ever Marry that my mother wants to be sat at the same table as George Clooney, so you see she would be completely thrilled with the idea, shes though about it already!”

Alex couldn't help but laugh at that, “seriously...i like your mother's enthusiasm Matt,...but saying one thing and then having the reality thrown in your face as it is, is is an entirely different matter altogether!”  
He wrapped his arms around her tightly pulling her into him as he started to place more tender kisses across along her neck between words, feeling slightly exasperated and in need of distraction, “Hush your whining Kingston ..., they will love you…..you'll see!”  
Shivers started coursing down her spine at his sensual touch, “Mmm that feels nice!”  
“Course it does, my lips love you so frigging much!”  
She bit her lip at the sensations, “Wanna go to bed?” She wiggled against his hardness teasingly, “someone’s ready for round two i think!”  
“God you don't know what you do to me Alex, I crave you constantly...i just wanna ….shit, let's get out of here i just want to ravish you thoroughly!”  
She spun around in the tub to press her breasts against him as water sloshed over the side with no apparent concern.  
She kissed his lips soundly, while simultaneously cupping his balls in the process...he yelped at the surprise fondle and she giggled through his lips before breaking, ”Hmm great minds think alike they say..i may have to ravish you first though!

Fuck she was hot! He rushed against her lips to snog that smirk straight off her face quickly before he lost all dignity and self-control to fuck her tirelessly in the bathtub till sunrise!  
He then smiled and pushed her away to stand as he reached out and grabbed a towel to wrap around his precious flower before he tended to himself!  
They dried themselves off glancing occasionally odd shy smile. He loved that Alex blushed beautifully as his gaze lingered upon her perfect curves when she finally dropped the towel away from her body.  
She bit her lip entrancing him further, Damn...she should be naked always he mused!  
He let the towel drop on the chair near the bed and when he turned back to her she was no longer shy in demeanor.  
Her eyes flickered, she was practically predatory, her prey and intent to devour it clear and he swallowed dryly as she padded her paws precisely and closed the distance between them.  
Placing a warm firm hand against his chest her eyes now dark and dancing with flickers of fireflies, she slowly pushed him backwards to lay him flat on the bed. She then proceeded to crawl up along him only to press down on him closely and seductively, lowering to nibble his earlobe like it was a delicious horderve served on a platter of sexual treats.  
“Your mine now Smith!!... Hmm, what on earth am I going to do with you i wonder?”

His heart raced in anticipation as his breathing increased desperately needing to know what the hell she was planning to do with him and he was just simply too eager to find out. He was dying inside. “I don’t ….”  
She placed a finger against his lips distractingly, “Shhhhh, let's just find out shall we, I’m sure you'll like it though!”  
She winked, as he gasped and squirmed underneath her with an involuntary thrust of his hips... “christ woman, you're killing me here!”  
She laughed teasingly, making him tingle with exciting anticipation, “darling I've barely just begun!”  
She grabbed his hands and lifted them high above his head which he complied with willingly of course, “hold on hear!!” she grinned at his puzzled but aroused expression!  
He wrapped his hands around the poles on the headboard as instructed.  
“Now don't let go will you?” He simply shook his head and swallowed dryly.. “I won't let go Kingston!”  
She leaned in and kissed his cheek, “Now if you really love me, really, really love me... then you won't let go, will you?... Do you really love me Matt...do you?”  
Fuck this was hot he thought, nobody had ever done anything like this with him before, it was so utterly thrilling and he was fit to burst with her low and seductive instructions. Whatever this sexual game was, he already liked it for sure... “I do love you Alex and I won't let go until you say so to prove it!”  
She smirked, “we’ll see how strong your resolve is my darling!”

She kissed him thoroughly as he held on to the rails like his hands had been superglued to them, there was no way he was going to let go.  
She broke away to kiss along his jaw unable to stop herself from nibbling his ear once more, then she worked her way down his neck and he groaned as she moved her leg in between his and lifted her knee to carefully press against his balls.  
She ground against him rhythmically, the nipples on her breasts, tickling his torso tormentingly...he bit his lip as he yearned to touch them...to flip her over and take one in his mouth like it deserved.  
`Don’t let go, don’t let go...a mantra in his head trying to ground him to the rails`...Fuck, this was becoming increasingly difficult by the second, heat coursed through his body, his flesh perspired with lustful need, he just wanted to touch her, to taste her, to claim her again and again!  
She swirled her tongue around his nipples and he groaned and squirmed at the unusual erotic sensation.

Alex lingered tormentingly for a moment, then slowly began to pursue that treasure further down his body and he knew exactly where she was headed as she licked and nipped his abdomen like it was covered in delicious honey.  
His breathing hitched the lower she ventured, her body heat ghosting over his cock like an electric blanket, his hands were sweating as he struggled to maintain his grip on the headboard. She looked up to him amused and impressed by his apparent resolve.  
Her warm breath blew air across his twitching member while she executed a gentle little verbal reminder as she sensed his desperate struggle, “don't let go Matt!”  
She placed a kiss on the tip of his cock and he bit his lip like a feral animal and thrust untamed.  
His hands were white with a furious hold. “Fuck Alex...i can’t...this is impossible...i ...its too much love,...i need...i...!”  
“What do you need Matt?”  
“I need...i ...i need to touch you...i have to touch you Alex!”  
“Don't let go Matt and then you can touch me everywhere...anywhere you like...I promise! Tell me you love me, show me!”  
She leaned down to lick the length of his erection and he moaned clinging to the rails to keep from falling like the world was about to collapse beneath him and swallow him whole.  
“I love you...i love you, need you...i won't let go,''  
She took him fully into her mouth, as he gasped deliriously for every breath he could muster. Every feeling he had ever felt merged into that one simple act...Her warm silky mouth over him, devouring him. The intensity of it, the sheer lack of any sort of self-control, as she bobbed up and down his length twirling her tongue rhythmically around his head and across his slit with every upwards motion, as her hands cleverly juggled his balls like jewels. 

He was hers and at her mercy in every way indescribably possible! She held him beneath her like he was the only man that ever existed and worshiped his body like he was the god of the universe.  
Heat surged through his body conjuring into an unfathomable pressure beneath the amazing ministrations of her mouth, building him higher and higher in torturous ecstasy…  
(`must hold on,must hold on, must hold on`,) …  
”Alex...please ...fuckk ...love you, love you,...Ahhh”

He released into her mouth with unhinged exhaustion, miraculously maintaining his deathly grip on the bed frame as though his life depended upon it.  
He panted breathlessly, with a slight chuckle through his relieved unbelievable euphoria as Alex crawled back up along his long body like the cat who got the cream...obviously!  
“You didn't let go?” She pried his stiff and rigid hands away from the rails tenderly placing a kiss on each digit while Matt slowly came to his senses.  
He looked to her, still bewildered by how she made him feel, “ I love you ...course I didn't let go”.  
She beamed so brightly like the sun itself shone through her skin, entranced by his powerful resolve!

He pushed her gracefully to the side now that he could finally touch her and he leaned above her still admiring the magical glow of her vibrant skin.  
“Now that... my love was a very, very naughty thing to do to me!... It was borderline sexual torture sweetheart and i won't take it lightly you must understand...i mean... don't get me wrong...it was fucking amazing and i think i dig that shit as my new favorite hobby, but role reversal is only fair and i think need you to do the same for me to prove yourself too! ... Can you do it for me Alex...can you ?”  
He took her hands and placed them on the frame high above her head where his were not moments ago...still warm and damp with sweat.  
Her chest heaved in anticipation and delight and also a little bit of fear if she were honest.  
“I can Matt, i will”  
“If you love me you won't let go, will you? ...do you love me Alex?”  
“I love you Matt, i won't let go!”

Matt wasn't sure if this was a new thing for Alex or if it was a game she had played before, he hoped it was unique to them! But as he spoke the words in this unchartered territory he felt a great sense of excitement and thrill fill his senses, to be the one in full and complete control over her physical and mental being...it was so bloody erotic.  
She was his now... willingly tied down underneath him held trustingly by invisible rope...his beauty, his queen, and by god, he was going to make her see stars this night!”

He kissed her tenderly with a slow and tranquil tongue, this was gentle and sweet in nature and he intended it to be so.  
He had fucked her hard and fast earlier with frantic desire, now he needed her to feel just how much she means to him and just how precious she actually is.  
He broke to place hot heated butterfly kisses along her jaw and down her neck, whispering hoarsely into her ear, “I'm going to make you scream hot mercy Alex...hold on tight my love!”  
She writhed under him just from the sound of his lingering voice vibrating through her ears and down her spine into her rapidly heating core…as his fingers danced desirably over her nipple on the left breast...”Fuck Matt!”.  
He couldn't help but chuckle at her desperate curse as she tried vigorously to maintain her hold on the rails through rapturous sensations.  
His kisses continued their course of captivating discovery along her collarbone and down the center of her chest. The mountain range was astounding and as his hands cupped her generously while his mouth took claim over a perfectly erect nipple, finally getting to pay attention to his puppies.  
The sound that erupted out of her mouth was the most amazing thing he had ever heard in his life and he aimed for that delightful moan once again as he moved over to the other breast offering equal attention.  
He was rewarded once more with the sound of her beautiful song.

He moved further down her body crawling backward's now between her opening thighs as he kissed around her navel, flicking his tongue testingly into her bellybutton.  
His eyes flickered up as she squirmed some more beneath him, with failing control,...Hell, she was stunning, she was perfect, her skin flush and hot and raging with an inner fire that threatens to explode at any moment.  
He smiled eagerly about to take his first taste of her core essence...“Hold tight!” he reminded her.  
His tongue took one long lick across her folds and he delighted as she lifted her hips under his torturous ministrations.  
“Matt, i ...Matt, i...shit!”  
She could feel his smile against her hot wet womanhood... the smug bastard was enjoying this far too much, as her hands longed to run fingers through his hair...touch his shoulder...or anything of his she could reach…. (`don't let go, don’t let go, don’t let go` …. )  
Her coil began to tighten quickly as his primary focus now tended to her nub rhythmically.  
She gasped as he slipped an unsuspecting finger into her, then moaned uncharacteristically as he added another, thrusting them in and out in musical synchronicity with his tongue.

(`must hold on, must hold on, must ..ahh..hold on` …..”Matt…..Ahhhhhh Ahhhhhh!!!”)  
She exploded in starlight and clenched around his fingers as her hips tensed through fevered flutters before she fell back down to earth, crashing in a breathless blur.  
“Fuck!” she panted, gradually blinking her eyes back into a sated reality.  
Matt was situated sideways against her, his elbow bent and his head resting blissfully in his hands, gazing at her through still mesmerized and adoring eyes, “your so bloody beautiful Alex, what a lucky boy i am! “  
She smiled at him brightly, how could he always make her feel so good about herself, nobody had ever made her feel this way before.  
She noted that her hands were still held high above her head...the numbness of them now apparent, “well...I didn't let go!”  
He reached up to take one of her hands in his, as she pulled the other one achingly away to flex her strained fingers, “You really do love me then Kingston?”

She rolled onto her side to face him and kiss his lips tenderly ...“I most certainly do Matthew...and I always will!!”  
They wrapped their arms around each other lovingly placing gentle kisses every so often until they eventually drifted off into a blissful sleep.  
Waking early before sunrise they naturally found themselves closing in an affectionate embrace and joining together tenderly once again to make slow and passionate love in the moonlit room.  
Matt moved above her, quiet and devoted to her like the gentle waves of the ocean as her hands caressed his back like the sensual silk of a healing blanket.  
They came together in perfect synchronicity and Matt finally knew for the first time what it meant to ``make love`, he felt grateful to be alive and have his eyes finally open to him.  
To feel the woman he has loved for such a long time stir in his arms contented and safe in a blissful sleep with the man that she graciously loved in return!  
The future looked good!


	7. The Haunting Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's so much i wanted to put in this chapter, therefore, it seems a bit scattered i think.... I hope it's not too broken up for you....i'm not sure if it has any sort of flow lol Oops
> 
> Love comments, let me know your ideas if you think you know what's going on...i'm interested about how your reading this!   
What you think of the new characters too...?

Matt drove Alex to her London home in his Audi first thing Monday morning. It felt good to drive again and even though he felt a bit of anxiety about traveling through London again, it was easier than expected knowing that a special someone was close by his side!   
Alex chatted expressively beside him...her voice like a soothing balm, with her hands flapping over exaggeratedly about random topics with such great enthusiasm as she glanced out the window then back to him. Occasionally tapping his knee or grabbing his arm through a throaty laugh. God, he loved her so freaking much!   
She made even car journeys interesting...he couldn't help but immerse himself in her and soak her in like a remedy to all his problems.  
They met with the kitchen fitters and discussed things over with them to make sure that everything went as smoothly and as problem-free as possible. Alex's rather generous and retired neighbor assured her that he would be bobbing over every so often to check in on things and lock up as such...He was an ex-policeman and she held him and his wife with high regard!  
Matt continued to oversee things while Alex went upstairs to gather a few extra things for her stay at Matts.   
While she was away he naturally questioned the guys and their experiences with previous projects….poking and prodding them into giving photographic evidence of such blase testimonies, until he felt confidently satisfied with their capability to handle his queen's kitchen!

He eventually dropped Alex back at his place much to her vocal discontent with a kiss and a hug, before attending a much-needed appointment with his agent/publicist.   
It was long overdue and they knew what had happened to Matt and had been handling things such as the press and missed appointments appropriately, with discretion.   
It felt like now was a good a time as any to grace them with his presence and advise them of how he wanted to proceed from now on!   
Matt was clearly still recovering through depression and his secret suicide and even though he had canceled most things for at least the next few weeks, he was eager to get things in motion again.   
He still had a clear interest in a new film role coming up and kept that appointment only for the next month...he really didn't want to stop work completely he needed a focus and told them to send him the script as soon as it came through.   
He also gave them the heads up about Alex and their new relationship. They had both discussed it thoroughly and she gave him the go-ahead to give them advance warning in preparation for a future reveal, she was to do the same with her people!   
Just as he expected, his little team embraced the news fondly and with much enthusiasm! 

He had been gone nearly two hours by the time there was a startling knock at the door!  
Alex closed the laptop and went to answer.   
Standing there with a look of question and shock on their faces were two men who looked vaguely familiar to her.   
After a brief moment of transfixed eyes on each other she questioned, “hi, can I help you?”  
The broader of the men spoke, the overconfident looking one with the dark hair and piercing blue eyes…”Well, this is a pleasant surprise, to say the least...it's a pleasure to finally meet you Miss Kingston... is Matt around by any chance?”  
It finally clicked in her, she remembered the pictures of Matt and these men with a couple of others, their arms around barely clad young women strolling through ChinaTown!   
It was Daniel and Michael, the bastards that had surrounded him for well over a year, gradually pulling him down into drunken despair!!  
“No, um sorry, Daniel he’s currently at a meeting with his Agent!”  
Dan sighed, “ahh, so you know who i am then, not a fan i presume though…right?... Can we please wait for him, it's important? “  
Alex knew that Matt was due back anytime soon and she felt kind of put on the spot by the seemingly polite basterds. And although she felt an overwhelming urge to just say `NO` and `PISS OFF`... she figured Matt had the right to face them again and she had no right to take control of that even if she wanted to and better it happen with her than out in the open. 

“Um ok, I’m sure he won't be too long guys”  
Dan gave her a disgustingly sly smile and the other guy who followed beside him with the fair hair and sharp features gave his sidekick a devious smirk and a nudge in the ribs, that made something inside her begin to boil!  
She led them politely into the kitchen, where Michael wasted no time in sitting down straight away as if he had been there a thousand times...he probably had.   
While Daniel annoyingly leaned on the counter curiously watching Alex as she went to the fridge.   
She sighed mustering what little strength she had in her to try and play nice, “can I get you boys a drink or anything?”   
Daniel shook his head biding his time, while Michael spoke out abruptly, “yeah, I'll have a beer thanks doll!”   
Alex spun around, her eyes firing daggers into his skull with force, (`control yourself Alex, don't let it show...be firm and direct`)   
These were the guys that encouraged Matt to drink himself into oblivion and depression and encourage vile sexual exploits that had damaged his deeply sensitive sole. She wanted nothing more than to whack the hell out of their smug faces with a sharp shovel and then bury them with it at the rubbish tip!

She reluctantly pulled one of Arthur's spare cans out of the fridge feeling their lingering eyes on her back as she silently poured it into a pint glass.  
She sighed...“A bit early for a beer isn't it, do you boys ever stop?”   
Daniel laughed, “pure Rocket fuel Alex, the rules of time don’t apply to us!”  
She shook her head then handed the glass to Michael wishing she had the pre-thought or the actual substance to lace it generously with poison, “there you go Michael and please, if you don't mind...don't call me a Doll again!”

Daniel scoffed, “I like you Alex...you've got bite!... So tell me, when did you become Matts new roomy then? Last I heard he came home drunk and banged his head the clumsy moron, nowt unusual there…ended up in the hospital with a minor concussion apparently. There were no texts, no calls nothing to me in return to mine, or anyone else's for that matter. Then somehow you were both photographed getting off a plane at Heathrow four days ago...now your here all alone...Bit weird that...what gives?”

Alex folded her arms becoming defensive over the string of rather probing questions vigorously fired at her.  
Slightly irritated was an understatement...“ Not that it's any of your business Daniel, but after Matt bumped his head the Doctor recommend a bit of time off so he came for a minibreak to LA.  
I was due back over here to do some Theatre work and big finish stuff, but also annoyingly in the process of getting a new kitchen fitted. Matt offered to put me up until all the noisy work and disruptions complete at home that's all.   
Is that everything you needed to know or do you require my bra size! And Matt's current brand of hair product?”

Daniel inched closer squaring up to her, he was much taller than her and physically empowering, but Alex bore no fear and held her ground admirably. She had met men like this before and she would not entertain him so easily by giving him even the slightest of an inch.  
He looked down on her rather intrigued and amused by her defiance, “ Hmm... smooth! Your very smooth Miss Kingston and feisty, very feisty... I can see why he likes you!”   
He chuckled dryly while she resisted the urge to just kick him in the balls satisfyingly as he continued to drone on “...And although your bra size is rather intriguing to me it is not required by any standards.” He held out his hands expressively palms up as he teased, “my hands will cope with anything that you throw into them sweetness.. if Matt can handle them then so can i. We so like to share out toys!”

She scowled at him, what the hell was Matt doing hanging around with a perverted knobhead like this?  
Michael came in to stand closer sensing the tension erupting between the two dominants, “Hey Dan, perhaps we should call back later yeah?”  
Before Dan had a chance to ignore his mate and indulge himself further with this newly acquired toy before him, there was a noise echoing from the hall!….A door shutting, then there was a jingle of keys and a parade of steps edging closer to them.  
“Alex?”...  
He came through the door and stopped dead in his tracks when he shockingly saw Daniel smirking and Michael looking uneasy, both of them inches away from Alex who was stood with her arms folded and apparently fuming to the point of throwing punches!   
His heart jumped into his throat as he paced quickly to put himself between them pushing Alex behind him with such haste that she stumbled a bit, startled by his defensive reaction.   
“Get away from her...what the hell do you think you're doing here Daniel?”   
Matt turned his head to do a double-take as blood surged through his body like jet fuel…”Alex love, are you ok?”  
Daniel instantly backed away, raising his eyebrows, noticeably surprised by Matt's rare aggressive demeanor.   
He held his hands up in jest!  
Alex still looked angry at the guys, but was increasingly puzzled by Matts aggressive approach to them, she could handle a bunch of ignorant twats like these, she wasn't a weak woman. “course I’m ok...why wouldn't I be?”  
Matt turned back to Daniel and Michael, fury written in his eyes that Daniel barely noticed and even if he did then he was just simply entertained by it.  
“Yeah, Matt... why wouldn't she be ok??...No need to be so defensive mate, just talking to Miss Kingston hear about where you've been hiding for the past couple of weeks! You just up and left us all without a word...think you owe us an explanation at least pal!”

Matt took a deep breath, turning back again, “Can you please give us a minute Alex? I think me and the boys need to have a chat...i won't be long!”  
She released her arms from her defensive posture and recognized Matts pleading look to be left alone for a moment. She didn't want to leave him in the presence of such wankers, but guessed he needed to face them head-on to sort out whatever it was that needed sorting!   
She sighed a bit annoyed she didn't get to kick anyone in the balls, but silently nodded and walked away to the door.   
“Nice to finally meet you Alex, it was a pleasure Doll!!”   
She looked back to see Daniel's disgustingly smug face. His voice had grated through her excruciatingly and made her skin crawl with spiders. She glared for a moment casting her own private voodoo curse but didn't say anything more to them, especially not in front of Matt, that’s what they wanted!.   
She then looked to her handsome sweet guy who just nodded his chin with a small smile encouraging her to leave. She lingered briefly, slightly wavering in action, but eventually, she did as she asked!

As the door shut quietly behind her Matt wasted no time in grabbing Daniel by the scruff of his shirt near his throat…”What the hell do you think you're doing here Daniel?”  
He immediately shrugged him off, “Oy, Calm the fuck down mate, we just came to see you is all, what's your problem, don't get your frilly knickers in a twist?”  
Matt rolled his shoulders, trying to calm himself somehow, he shouldn't have overreacted in front of Alex, but he was seething knowing they had been alone in the same room as her.   
He didn't trust them as far as he could throw them.   
He took a deep steadying breath, even though his fists were still clenched, “Ok, ok I’m calm...had a busy day, what is it you want?”  
Michael leaned back again the counter flicking his lighter on and off probably in desperate need of a fag, but knew Matts strict no smoking in the house policy.  
“We called you to hang out pal, you never answered?….Must have been some bump to the head... you ok now though yes?”  
Matt rubbed the back of his neck, “Um yeah... I'm ok now, had to rest a bit but all sorted now thanks!”  
Dan leaned back by the side of Michael, “So if you're ok then, how comes you haven't called or responded to go out? The towns missing you mate...so are the Ladies, as a matter of fact, they've been asking for your sexy arse, dint know what to tell em!”  
Matt swallowed and felt bile in his throat, as his stomach tightened to the point he just wanted to throw up.  
“I'm...i don't want to do that anymore, I'm trying to focus on my career a bit more... it was getting out of hand lads and having a hangover every goddamn day is not a good look for me!”

Dan nodded seemingly to agree before the actual words came out of his mouth.   
“Blimey she has well and truly got you under the thumb then!... What the fuck man!!!... I mean...you can't just ditch your friends like that...we’re an awesome team...we rule the roost, we fucking own London man and every piece of arse in it!! Grow some balls Matt for fuckssake. You can still focus on your career pal... hell, I’m still getting a lot of awesome gigs at the moment as you know...people dig that bad boy shit. Now go get ya party shoes on and we’ll head to the `Heaven,` do a bit of dancing, pull some chicks, get hammered and play some games then fuck women till morning! It’ll be awesome...come on brother!!”

Matt squared with them both, he could feel himself losing it, as his palms started to sweat, and he could almost hear his own heart beating in his ears. He had fallen for this kind of sadistic peer pressure so many times before but not this time. Never again!! And with Alex patiently waiting for him just down the hall that was all the strength he needed to pull away from these tossers!  
“I said NO!!!... And if you don't mind I have things to do, so I'm asking that you both politely, please leave and don’t come around here again. It's not my thing anymore ok! … No hard feelings or anything, I just don't want to be around that scene anymore...so just please...go and do that shit somewhere else!”

Michael stepped forward, “What?... Think you're better than us or summat?”   
Dan placed a hand over Michael's chest to halt him from snapping at ankles like the little pitbull he was, as he stepped forward.  
“Its ok Mikey boy, don’t act like a pre-teen, all's good!... Well... I suppose we’ll leave you to your little personal makeover then. Probably see you around at some point yeah? hope all goes well Matt, no hard feelings then ay?”  
Matt nodded, although he was slightly concerned by Dans, blase response, “yeah, I'm sure we will, Nah it's fine... I'll errr, see you out!”  
Dan patted Matts shoulder “No it ok, your cool. We know where the door is. Glad your heads better anyways. I guess we’ll see you then bud!”   
Dan and Michael walked away without any trouble and when he finally heard the front door close, he slowly sat himself down into one of the kitchen chairs, placing his elbows tiredly on the table finally resting his head in his hands.   
He was in a world of his own when Alex entered and he startled when her hand touched his shoulder lightly, “just me darling... how'd it go?”

“Um, well they...they just left,... I told them that I'm out of their little gang and needed to focus on me work, so I guess that's that then, it’s over !”  
Alex was still worried about Matts peculiar behavior. From the minute he walked through the door to see Michael and Daniel standing there she saw the fear in his eyes, it made her incredibly uncomfortable!   
“Are you ok...you seemed...i dunno... you sort of...”  
Matt looked up to her, “you think I overreacted, don’t you?”  
She tilted her head and motioned a centimeter with her fingers playfully “ a tiny winey bit yeah...i could have handled them darling!”.  
He pulled her close to hold her tightly around the waist as she automatically soothed fingers through his hair affectionately. “I know you could, It's just... i...I don't trust them Alex...especially Daniel, he’s ...well he’s just not wired right...he likes playing games with people and finds it funny when it's not. If they ever come around again, don't let them in, will you?... Promise me you won’t?”  
She pulled back to look at him getting more and more concerned about these arsoles by the second.   
“Matt, what's going on, what is this??.... I mean it's obvious their wankers but something has you rattled and i want to know what it is. You make it sound like their dangerous or something. What have they done??”

Matt shook his head trying to back-pedal miserably... “No, no, nothing, not done anything to write home about... I just...i don't like them around you Alex...it makes me nervous because of how I changed around them. They can be very crude verbally towards women and I don't want anyone talking to you in that way!”  
Alex took a deep breath and sighed to herself feeling slightly resigned.   
“Fine, but I know there's something your not telling me Matthew...i’’ll let it go though and move on if that's what you want. I'll stay clear ok? It's no great effort on my part anyway to be honest!”  
He stood up to kiss her lips relieved if anything else, deciding instantly that it was now time to change the subject matter to one that no longer caused him to perspire and gag.  
“Thanks love,i really appreciate that! ...So um...is it nearly time to call Sal anyway? I have a new joke...she’s gonna love this one!”  
Alex laughed finally relaxing a bit to see Matt looking a bit brighter in his eyes again, “It better be funnier than the last one, because seriously that was crap!”  
“Oy...Rude ...Better than yours Kingston...what was it again??... Oh, wait...oh wait, i have it ...why did the face of Boe not go to the party?”  
Alex smirked delivering the answer he required like it was the greatest line she could deliver in the universe, “Because he had no-body to go with!”   
She even laughed at her self. Matt thought that was utterly adorable.  
“ That's a bloody good joke Matt, you won't find that in a Christmas cracker!”  
He shook his head bringing her in for another smooch of Matthew lovin, “rubbish Kingston...that's total rubbish!”

—————————————————————————————————————————

When Daniel and Michael left Matts home, Michael finally felt the urge to speak his mind in quite a bitter tone as they walked through the streets of London.  
“So that's it then!... You're just gonna let him dump us like garbage... like all that time hanging around together meant naff all ?“  
Daniel took the newly lit fag out of Michael's mouth for his own, taking a deep lingering suck on the death stick before returning it to its previous owner.   
“Mike don't get ya frilly knickers in a twist, can’t you see the mans having a moment? We’re all allowed moments like this and don't worry it won't last long!”  
“So you gonna do summat then?... Cos i have to say the girls dig your blue eyes and humongous ego for some strange, fucked up reason, but they seemed to dig him more!   
The guys like a fucking chick magnet Dan, won't be half as much fun without him!... And what about that Alex Kingston, what's she up to? All a bit weird if you ask me, she shows up and he’s all sensible Smith and Mr i don't wanna go out to play anymore!….Do ya think he’s fucking her?”

Dan yanked the cigarette out of Mike's mouth and kept it for himself this time.  
“Course he’s fucking the mare...did you see how he came between us eyes all blazing like a stallion on steroids... it's not him, it's her and I’ll sort it! They won’t last long anyway and he’ll soon come running back to us I'm sure Mikey boy ... I know just where i can find Miss Kingston and it’ll be quite fun playing with that little head of hers!”  
Michel scratched his head feeling a bit unsettled about what seemed to be transpiring. “Careful Dan... this is Alex Kingston your talking about here! She isn't some random immature film extra or minor talent that will be easily swayed and manipulated. She's a big name and won't be belittled easily if at all by anyone of us.   
Dan scoffed, “she's a woman, Mikey, there all the same when it boils down to it... you just have to know where to hit em”.   
He leered, “ Divorced twice, damaged by Finnes, let down by Hartnell... a woman like that doesn't forget lies and betrayal of the heart. She's gonna be putty in my hands and I have something over Matt that nobody else does in this whole godforsaken universe and I’m gonna love using it to our advantage because I'm practically certain he has and never will tell anyone about this!”  
Michael abruptly stopped, eyes widening with the realization of what Dan was leaning towards, “you mean...the night of the Uk Horror awards?”  
Dan turned to face him smiling deviously with eyes full of gleeful remembrance “of course...the night that made him mine!” 

—————————————————————————————————————————

Alex climaxed above him gloriously with skin sparkling like fairy dust, as he gripped her hips bruisingly pulling her fluttering self down hard on to him as he gasped, releasing into her with every ounce of love he could generate.   
She collapsed her naked form over him and he encircled her body instantly with his protective embrace. He panted as his body began to settle once more, loving the feel of her pressed above him all hot, curvy and wholesome.   
“Hell...you're like magic Kingston! Which do you prefer top or bottom?”  
She giggled as she lifted her chin, “either...both, top, bottom, sideways, upside down, back to front... I’m not a fussy woman as long as it’s with you Mr!”  
Matt chuckled rolling her to the side as he regretfully pulled out of her but mindful to still keep his embrace on her, “upside-down...what?...Have I been living in a monastery or something?”  
Kissing his lips amused by his adorable naiveness as she combed his dark locks away from his gorgeous eyes, “... it's ok...i have books!”  
He rolled her over more to stare above her, “Mmm, my bad, bad girl, i may have to practice every page thoroughly mind...i hope you know that sweetheart?”  
“Darling I'm counting on it!”

It was in the middle of the night when Matt began to stir to sounds of cruel laughing piercing his ears like a ruthless commotion, rattling around his fumbling head.   
Images and faces blurry but torturous, taunted his dream with a cold-bloodied fury that leaked meticulously out of his body into a sweat-soaked chill.   
The smell of beer, cheap perfume and cigarettes, and repugnant weed filled his nostrils to the point of choking on his own hallucination. As a sadistic voice echoed beyond his delirium while he fought the covers like the chains of hell, tying him down to a blackening pit. Hands...Unwanted hands!   
“Don’t…..DONT!!”  
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and shrugged it off as if burned.. .yelping in the process, “Matt, Matt its me...Matt? Wake up”  
He gasped and sat up abruptly recognizing the soft voice beside him as his precious anchor to reality “Alex?”   
The lamp flicked on as the unforgiving chains unwillingly released him from the dark pit of his treacherous mind and he saw a familiar beautiful face staring back at him like an Angel, concerned and tender as she caressed his pale cheeks with fragile fingers.  
“Matt darling... you were dreaming...are you ok?”

He flopped back down onto the bed pulling her in close like a human comfort blanket. “sorry...i…bad dream!”   
He pretended to laugh but the shake in his voice was still apparent.  
“Not watching `IT` again, who even makes up that stuff!”  
Alex sighed, “so you had a dream about a killer clown?...seriously...you scared the shit out of me...i thought you were having a seizure or something...but then you shouted ``Don't!”  
Matt rubbed his eyes with his free hand.  
“Did i? …oh well yeah, i suppose that’s about right, i...i was thinking `Don't`....er Don't kill me ya freaky arse clown!”  
Alex rolled her eyes and turned to flick the lamp back off then returned to snuggle into him again, sighing “You sure your ok Matt, can i get you anything?”  
He held her close and calmed once more to the feel of her fingers tracing patterns on his chest “I’m fine thanks love, i’ll try not to eat cheese before bed next time...my bad!”  
She tilted her head to kiss his chin, “love you!”  
Rubbing her shoulder as if double-checking she was real beside him, “I love you too sweetheart, go back to sleep love... I'm fine honestly!”  
When Alex finally drifted off to sleep Matt slowly pulled away.   
He grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head with shaky hands. He crept out of the room quietly then Turning on the bathroom light and shutting the door soundlessly behind him. He looked into the mirror, straightaway feeling repulsed by his own reflection.   
Placing his hands around the basin he stared at himself like a stranger.   
Daniel and Michaels visit had disturbed him. Reminded him of things that he simply wanted to forget.  
The visions of the past still haunting his mind occasionally his dreams when triggered was exhausting and treacherous... would it ever go away?  
The laughs...the smell….the voice...the hands...it all swirled around his insides in a vortex of vomit and as he raced to lean over the toilet while it unleashed itself violently deep down from his disgusted gut.  
The only thing he felt was shame...!   
He collapsed around the toilet after his last effort to ditch his demons of the night and leaned his sweat-soaked back against the cold tiles while his body shivered too cold to move.   
Tears fell silently away from his now drooping eyes and he painfully pulled himself up to scoop some water out of the running cold tap with his hands to drink.  
With one last look and sigh at the repulsive reflection before him, he eventually climbed back into bed and curled up behind Alex, wrapping an arm over her waist careful not to wake her. She still stirred and hummed making him smile as she unconsciously rested her arm over his...she always gave him hope, even in her sleep! She was amazing! She was Alex.   
And he just hoped that she would never find out! Hoped she would never look on him with different eyes! Hoped that she would always see Matt and not his true hidden and nauseating self!   
He hoped!


	8. Mind games!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan plays his first game...what do you think? I do have a heart i assure you lol

Alex woke with her head snuggled into Matt’s shoulder and her leg casually rested over his own. She lifted her sleepy head to look at him fondly. she still couldn't get over how she ended up in this position with such an amazing guy who had a heart of pure gold and a character as crazy as her own.   
It had been an insane few weeks since she first heard the horrifying news about Matt’s attempt at his own life.   
From him showing up at her doorstep like the walking dead and battling through tears and illness, to playful moments in the pool and open and honest chats that led to exposed feelings bringing both hidden love and an even greater friendship and bond that she could never have imagined in her wildest dreams.  
“You know...it's rude to stare love!”   
He opened one eye to see her then shut it again with a smile on his lips!  
“Wanker...thought you were still asleep!”  
Her fingers swirled on his chest. He loved when she did that!   
“ Did I have a spot on me face or something then?”  
“Actually I was just thinking about getting a felt tip pen to draw you some funky eyebrows and a tash!”

That was it! His eyes flew open in a flash and he rolled her over while she yelped in surprise, as he held himself above her to dominate.  
“God your so naughty i should spank you for that!”  
She laughed, “Darling you're always promising me these things but you never deliver!”  
Matt surged in to suck and kiss her neck, “never deliver…!! Never deliver woman. I could never really spank that gorgeous arse of yours I’m afraid Alex... it's too fucking perfect to bruise….Do you hate me for it, is that what you like?”  
She pulled him up so she could see his eyes, making sure that he knew she was just messing with him.   
“I could never hate you Matt….ever!... And it just makes me love you more to hear you say that.  
I have an image out there, i know i do...either by the erotic films I’ve done and through my own doing where my mouth has inexcusably run away with me. People think I'm into all kinds of shit, but I’m not...i’m really not that confident at all about such things! Never done any bondage or anything like that...course I've experimented a little bit...dated a girl when I was 21..found it wasn't my thing though!”  
She flushed a bit at the memory. Matt flushed at the image already doing a number in his head.  
“ The other night, when I told you to hold the bed frame like some sort of practiced dominatrix ...i just made it up...thought it would be exciting...though you might like something different. I never felt comfortable enough to try anything like that with anyone else i guess, but...i don't know...you...you make me feel alive Matt. You make me feel good about myself and free and comfortable in my own body, but more than that, I simply trust you more than i have ever trusted anyone in my whole life.”

Matt's eyes were a mix of emotions. She was so honest and vulnerable and she never ceased to amaze him with her words...words that only he had been entrusted to hear, that were meant just for him and nobody else. His heart swelled with love for her!  
“You never have to hide from me Alex, thank you for telling me that love... I love that we can talk about this kind of stuff, don't you? Be open about things like this with each other...it's kinda cool”  
She beamed up to him, “I will always be honest to you, do you pinky promise to be honest to me?”  
Matt smirked at her little pinky she was holding out so cutely, he just wanted to suck on the bloody thing...but restrained himself like a mature adult and hooked his pinky to hers because that was an even more mature thing to do. “I promise Kingston!”

Quickly pecking his lips, “Right better shower, gotta be at the studios at ten!”  
Matt rolled off her delicious warm form huffing like a spoilt child being denied.  
“Awww shit i forgot...its bloody River Song Audio day isn't it?”   
Another huff later “Oh crap me mam and dad’s coming for lunch with our Laura, me minds all over the place, chuffing Wednesday!”  
Alex climbed out of bed, turning to see Matt sulking with an arm over his face already probably stressing about proving to his family that he's coping much better now...obviously enough to whine about it anyway!  
He looked so cute and pouty, but also she could sense his fretting. She simply couldn't resist just climbing back over to straddle his hips instinctively, pulling his arm away from covering his eyes.  
“It’ll be fine, I’m only a phone call away ok?..Your parents haven't seen you since you did a runner from the hospital. Let them mollycoddle you darling. I know you've spoken on the phone to them and all that but it isn't the same thing, they've probably been worried sick about you and still are and I’m sure they will be relieved at how well you're looking now!”

Matt smirked “looking well am i?... How well Kingston?”  
She leaned over to whisper in his ear making him shiver at the sensation, with her crazy curls tickling his face as they do during sexy time, “your looking Smoking Hot Mr Smith!”  
“Mmmmm,” he pushed his hips up to her unable to resist the urge as she rested above him.  
She giggled, “No...no time for that naughty boy...later Mr…………..fuck….shit!”  
She dived off him in a flash as she glanced to the clock and realized how late she was running.   
Matt groaned at the missing warmth above him.   
She left the room but her head quickly bobbed back around the door looking to Matt one final time.   
“ You, me, sparkly worktop, tonight, 9:15. No dress code!”   
She then playfully puckered a kiss and blew it to him before leaving.   
Suddenly the stress of his family coming over was entirely forgotten as the anticipation of her thrilling words kicked in. He chuckled to himself rolling to shove his face into the pillow with a giddy growl, unable to contain the overwhelming excitement that she had just thrown out to him like a bucket full of candy. 

Time seemed to pass slowly from the moment between where Alex left for the recording studio to when his parents and sister finally arrived.   
Matt tried to keep busy making nibbles and having a tidy around the house. This was the first time since `it` happened that he had actually been left alone in such a way.   
He found his eyes occasionally glancing to the cupboard where he had selected the pills on that horrendous day and he remembered vaguely the satisfaction that he had felt as he popped each and every one meticulously out of its casing like an automated robot...He had felt nothing!   
He shuddered at the hazy memory. It felt far from real, but the room seemed too quiet, too, empty of life and he could feel the pull of it dragging him down into a sinking mud he fought his mind to escape once more.   
His phone suddenly startled him and he almost dropped it as he fumbled to retrieve it quickly from his jeans pocket.   
Alex ...thank god, his heart sighed relief!  
Taking a deep breath to collect himself, he answered, “River song ...my bad bad girl. What trouble have you got for me this time?”  
The sound of her throaty laugh through the phone sent waves of security wrapping around him that began to calm and soothe him instantly!  
“Sorry Darling no adventures today, just on a quick break and wanted to...well erm...oh i don't know...Are your parents there yet?”  
He walked circles in the room like a pony on a lunge in an arena, “Any minute now i would imagine, are you missing me already?”  
“Yes.” Her reply was instantaneous. His heart skipped a beat at that.   
“Missing you too love!... Oh i made nibbles!”  
“You mean you poked cheese and sausages with cocktail sticks!”  
“Oy...that's my favorite thing to make..its quite therapeutic to do too!”  
“I know you love to poke things!”  
“Shut up!”  
“Make me”  
“Yeah well, maybe i will!”

They both laughed in unison at their silly little replay of River and The Doctor...Matt heard someone call Alex’s name and his heart sank in an instant!”  
“Yeah, just a minute…Darling, i have to go! Are you sure your ok, you would tell me wouldn't you if it's too much?”  
He ran a hand through his hair, knowing that she was worried about him being alone in the house for the first time. He didn't want to let her know he was having a moment...but to be honest, it was only a little one and he now seemed to be getting through it. Her phone call had been a godsend and he actually did feel much better now and refocused after their short comforting chat!   
“I’m fine, honestly sweetheart don't worry... actually i think i can hear a car outside!”  
He peered out of the window to confirm his suspicions, “yeah there here Alex!”  
“Ok, have fun Matt, i won't be too late I promise, call if you need me!”  
“Ok, will do, love you Kingston!”  
She whispered through the phone obviously someone was close by but it made him smile that she still said it anyway. “Love you too hot stuff, see ya!”

Still smiling after the call he’d just finished he opened the door to his waiting family, “Bout time...there's probably mold on the food now!”  
“Oh shut up Matthew and give your mother a hug!” Lynn embrace her son instantly in the doorway as his father and sister looked on smiling.   
“Your looking well little brother!”  
Lynn pulled back as Matt then ushered them all through into the house like a flock of sheep. “Thanks, I’m getting there Laurs. How's the other half?... Thought you would all have come with the kids.”  
They entered the living room and all took their desired seats to kick back and relax, ”Oh he’s fine, taken them swimming and then Mc Donalds, i left him a list so I’m sure he'll survive the rest of the day...hopefully the house will still be standing too!”  
Matt’s mum rolled her eyes as Matt chuckled, While his father shook his head.  
“You've got color back in your cheeks honey, I honestly can't believe your still h….” His mum broke off and began to sob unceremoniously as Matt surged to sit next to her wrapping an arm around her in an instant. “Hey, its ok mam, look at me... I’m fine ... I'm so sorry i put you through this...all of you, I didn't mean to hurt you like this!”  
He glanced around at the solemn faces in the room, his eyes falling abruptly, simply unable to hold their gaze for too long through his immeasurable guilt.   
“I'm so sorry i ran off too... I've put you through so much and i…. I didn't mean it...i just...”  
His dad cleared his throat, fighting back tears himself, “its ok son, you're here now and that's all that matters to us, just please...please don't do it again!”  
“I wont….i promise I won't!”   
Words were cheap, but as he said them he knew that he meant it. Life was still hard, yes!  
He struggled to overcome obstacles every time the ugly past would creep up on him through random bleak moments of darkness. But he felt stronger now, equipped to handle such menacing thoughts. He had a light to draw him away from the dark now and that light made anything possible, he could always escape it with her!

“Matts mum gave a sniff as she wiped away tears, “Where is Alex?”  
Matt leaned back against the cushions.   
Here it comes...interrogation time! Couldn't they at least wait until after his amazing cheese and sausages?... Obviously not by the stern piercing stare from his father and the amused expression and edging closeness of his sister!!  
“She’s at the studio recording today, will be back around tea time i should imagine!”  
Laura had held her tongue long enough, she needed to know if her suspicions were correct. “Soooo you gonna tell us what's going on with Alex then...why you flew all the way to America on death’s door to stay with her and why she's now staying here with you?”  
Matt did not beat about the bush, he wanted them to know. But he knew that no matter what their opinions were on the matter, that he was never going to be influenced to change his mind about the love in his life!  
“Were together Laura. Dating in a relationship, whatever you want to call it... I love her beyond words that’s all there is to tell!”  
Laura put a hand over her mouth to stifle a squeal, while Matt's dad silently broke into a proud grin as his mother looked stunned for a minute... eventually, her verbal ability was enabled once again, feeling the need to inquire further with concern for her son.  
“What ...you and she...your….Matt you haven't seen Alex Kingston for i don't know how long and now you're suddenly an item?..I mean i knew you had a crush on her Matthew... but really, isn't this all a little bit rushed...your mentally unstable at the moment Matthew, doesn't that say anything to you about your actions? She could be talking advantage!”  
“Mum!” Laura protested, as did his father... “Lynn, i wouldn't”

Matt stood up running his hands over his face, “Mam look at me...look at me...the last time you saw me i was in a hospital bed wanting to die!... I wanted... to... die mother!”   
He took a deep breath as he looked at the eyes that cast downwards through a united solemn remembrance.   
He plowed on...they needed to understand this!   
“And now ...now i want to live and it's because of her, she saved me mam! I went to Alex’s because I needed to see her desperately... The air was running out in my lungs and I needed to breathe again and she was my oxygen. She always makes me feel happy and i always find it so easy to talk to her about things. She understands me like nobody ever will and i think... No, I know that I have always loved her mum and i know that i always will!  
Alex was afraid of this, she loved me too and she was afraid to follow her heart knowing that she would be judged by it and not only because of the timing. But you know me mam there was no way on earth I was gonna let her go when i found out that she felt the same way about me as I did about her…. So please don't judge me or Alex because I’ve put her through hell too these past few weeks and we could both use a little support right now!”

Matts mum stood and pulled her son into her arms as she sighed, “I’m sorry my love, I know you have always cared for Alex and if she makes you happy then I'm happy too! You will both have our full support always, she is always welcome in this family and will be loved as such!  
“Thanks mam, that means everything to us, it really does!”  
Lynn placed a tender hand on her son's rosy red cheeks, she actually felt relief that he had someone here to care for him when she couldn't...Alex really had worked wonders there was no mistaking that. “ Anyway, will you be inviting George Clooney to the wedding then, don't forget about the seating plan will you...?”  
“Lynn i can hear you, you know…”  
“David he’s on my list, it's not my fault your list is on the exotic side...ya know i don't think they will be inviting any Page Three girls to their wedding you dirty old man!”  
Laura squirmed, “Ewww gross...i don't want to know this ...please tell me i’m adopted!”  
Matt chuckled, “Ok yeah... I’m gonna go make us all a cuppa on that rather uncomfortable note..” 

Matt's family finally left a couple of hours later after a whopping sigh of relief and satisfaction from Matt himself. Alex finally got back late tea time with a smirk breaking across her face at the appealing smell of chips wafting through the hallway.   
(`Aww he’s cooked dinner, bless!`)  
She entered the kitchen to Matt stood by the table fiddling with his phone, probably playing Tetris, looking incredibly adorable with his fringe flopped over his face innocently. “Something smells good Mr Smith!”  
He lifted his head and beamed as he wasted no time whatsoever in walking over to give her a much-needed hug and kiss on the cheek. It was so domestic and it felt really good if she were honest with herself.   
“There you are, i thought me dinner was gonna be ruined if you didn't come home soon, i got worried...did you run over time or something?”  
She pulled away and took her jacket off throwing it over the chair, “No I finished on time, it was the bloody traffic, there had been an accident so I had to do a diversion bla bla bla...honestly London does my nut it...anyway forget that, i can't believe you've cooked and the house is still standing darling!”  
Matt walked over to get the ready prepared plates out of the oven keeping warm with his oh so sexy tardis oven mitts. She loved that her boyo was even attempting such a feat...but anything was better than the takeaways had been living off...she was proud of his accomplishments.  
“Oy, I’m quite capable of making simple stuff Kingston ... I'm sorry but we ran out of lobster and caviar!”   
He pulled out of the oven two plates of fish fingers chips and beans and placed them proudly on the dining table, like an acting waiter.  
It was the single most cutest thing she had ever seen him do in her life, it smelled pretty damn good too.  
They both sat down opposite each other and wasted no time in tucking into the grub.  
Alex hummed.  
“Mmmm This is amazing darling, I forgot how good this kind of food actually is…Thank you, i can't remember the last time I walked in from work to have dinner already prepared if it ever happened at all...i think i could get used to this though!”  
Matt chuckled “you're just secretly glad i used chips instead of custard, aren't you?”  
“Yeah,” She laughed then took another chip covering it skillfully in beans, “I'm actually quite impressed though, you've done good Mr, i love it!”  
Matt felt so relieved she was enjoying his simple meal that a five-year-old child would devour. He just wanted to do something for her, anything and he was surprised at how happy it made him feel to do it too.   
They chatted over dinner, with Alex inquiring about how lunch had gone with his parents and Matt getting all the info on River's newest adventure in the audio series. It was a perfect evening and the desert that Alex magically Materialized (9:15, just as promised), herself naked on the sparkly granite worktop was well worth the wait!

Two days later it was Arthur's open night at the Theatre for his new production `Treasure Island`.  
Matt and Alex hailed a taxi to the Theatre, holding hands in the back but separating from each other's touch once they got out into the public eye.  
It felt difficult not being able to smooch and touch each other as much as they wanted to, but they were there to support Arthur at the end of the day so they could surely make do for a few hours at least.   
The show was amazing and they both got an excited wave from Arthur once he had finally spotted them in the audience after taking his bow...Delightedly nodding them over to the side door before he left the stage.   
They greeted him with hugs and showered him with compliments and praise about his performance, before leaving him to get changed for the open night after party.   
They agreed to meet up at the back of the theatre where the party venue was being held and Matt went straight to the bar to get him and Alex a drink while they waited for Arthur to appear.   
Matt left her in the comfortable company of one of the production team she had worked with before...he felt satisfied that she was being left in good hands. 

He smiled to the bartender, “Two lemonades with ice please!”  
“Wow, Lemonade Matt...really? Not your usual drink of choice”  
He turned to see a familiar young woman that immediately made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. “Oh...um hi ...what are you doing here Anna?”  
The girl who bore dark wavy hair and held the entire makeup factory on her pretty little face was wearing a small red dress, tiny enough to please any man in the vicinity because of its low cut neckline and showing her decent offering of cleavage. She raised her eyebrows and leaned against the bar making Matt even more uncomfortable than he actually felt a mere second ago.  
“Oh and hello to you too! I’m here because I wanted to see the new show obviously, i came with Nicky, she's around here somewhere...gone to the loo I think!”  
Great Matt thought two of them...two of the women he had fucked on more than one occasion, sometimes at the same time, some would call them regulars ...and in the same room as Alex. (`fanfuckingtastic...shoot me now someone please!`)  
He glanced over to Alex who was still chatting to David `what's his name`, but he saw her eyes flick over to him with an encouraging smile.   
He smiled back in return, trying his best not to convey his unease across the room.   
He turned back to the bar, not wanting to engage in more conversation with the irritating girl beside him and hoping the drinks would hurry the fuck up...`(`how fucking hard was it to get two goddamn lemonades!`)  
“I see your here with Alex Kingston...you just need Karren back now and it would be a full team Matt!” She giggled.  
He fake laughed grabbing the drinks that finally made an appearance from California and quickly shot to make his escape.  
“Yeah, anyway, nice to see you, um, Anna, better dash”!

Matt headed back over to Alex but before he got more than five steps beyond the bar the other girl Nicky appeared before him.   
He nearly dropped the drinks as she confidently leaned into peck his cheeks, like she had done so many times before and usually through his intoxicated state and usually he had replied to her hello flirtatious hello with a squeeze of her arse if he remembered correctly! (`christ this is not happening`)  
He held onto the glasses so tightly that he was almost certain they would smash in his bare hands at any minute cutting through his skin in a blood-soaked frenzy that would require urgent medical attention and stitches...yes stitches...he hoped it would happen, he welcomed it in fact ...then he could at least leave very, very quickly!   
“Matt, there you are, I’ve missed you and your funny floppy hair! Daniel said you were having a sodding womanly detox or something but i didn't believe the bastard...oh hell, please tell me that's gin and tonic in there!”  
Matt took a step back from the excitable petite blond currently invading his space like a bouncing Lhasa apso in need of attention. “Sorry no, just lemonade...took them an age i think they grew the lemons!”  
She giggled and slapped his shoulder flirtatiously making him regret the shit joke he had just spontaneously spewed out as a nervous response.  
His eyes flicked to Alex again, who he noticed was no longer talking to David `what's his name` and was now currently chatting to Arthur and `fuck` both of them were looking over to him with unreadable expressions...Well no scratch that he could see Arthur was obviously annoyed! 

“Sorry um, can't stay to chat Nicky, nice to see you though yeah...better go!”  
He motioned to the drinks in his hands like they were hot beverages that were getting cold and needed to be delivered to their required destination with apparent haste before they cooled too much!  
Finally through the battle of his beating heart and his own increasingly failing limbs he got back to them and handed Alex her drink instantly noticing that she was currently chewing on her bottom lip ...obviously been discussing something with Arthur he didn't have privy to.   
Now he wished he was actually holding a large bottle of Vodka that he could swig down before the questions started about who the two touchy-feely women were and why he was chatting to them!  
It surprised him however that those questions never came and Arthur and Alex pleasantly erupted in conversation about another production that was in the works in the west end...Alex enthused and proclaimed that Matt would be wonderful in the lead role of `Antony` and it was only a short program that would be ideal for the present circumstances!  
It did sound intriguing and by the end of the night, both she and Arthur had got him chatting to the producer who was also just as eager and promised to send him the script the following week. 

He continued to chat with Arthur animatedly as Alex excused herself to the lady's room.   
After washing her hands and fluffing her hair she noticed one of the girls that Matt had been chatting to at the bar.   
She was young and pretty, as she came to stand beside Alex washing her own hands and checking her makeup like she really didn't need to. Her more than confident eyes met Alex’s in the mirror, then she turned “I loved you in Boudica...so fierce!”  
Alex smiled as she went to dry her hands, “Thanks, it was a fun role to play...A lot of cold shoots though...out in the open for a lot of scenes...thank goodness for the hot chocolate on demand!”  
The girl laughed “i bet... wish i could get a role like that. I see your here with Matt!”  
“Yeah, um have you worked with him before...i saw you both chatting at the bar earlier?”  
She smiled dryly “No not worked with Matt, I've worked with his mate Danny though, that's how we met. We’ve had some fun times together though if you know what I mean!”  
Alex frowned momentarily before putting on a fake grin, “yeah, i think i do!”  
“You too then?”  
“Excuse me?”  
The girl approached a bit closer almost demanding a reply. “you and Matt hooked up?... The guys a player, you must have!... He’s great in bed, isn't he? We’ve all missed him... my friend Nicky out there is in a proper sulk too missing her regular Matty time...so has Daniel justifiably, can't believe he just dumped him like that!”

Alex was not only sickened by the things this girl now suggesting but slightly confused if she were honest too.  
“Dumped Daniel??... Surely the man can find another playmate to pick up girls, how old is he ten or something?”  
The pretty cow clicked her tongue that was rather annoying to say the least, “ohhh i get it...he hasn't told you has he?”  
Alex was becoming rather irritated now, irritated and confused and feeling the incredible urge to grab the girl by her hair and flush her head down the toilet...however, that was entirely unladylike at an event such as this...at the Oscars yes...maybe!  
“I’m sorry... this is...i don't really care what this is because i really don't need to listen to this anymore, excuse me”  
Alex tried to push past but the girl but halted as soon as the sharp words left her lips. “Daniel and Matt were lovers Alex!”  
Alex spun around unbelievingly, this was Ludacris!!... An uncontrollable laugh erupted out of her mouth... “I don't think so!”  
The girl smirked deviously and seemed to be reveling in her newly formed status as playground head bitch,. “oh i know so Alex...seen them snogging on numerous occasions and caught them fucking like rabbits too...Daniel loves Matty and he’s pretty upset that he up and left for you!”  
“You're a liar, Matt isn't and has never been bisexual !”  
The girl scoffed, and dug in her bag routing around for something...a prescription hopefully as she must have forgotten to take her meds!  
“Oh, I’m the liar am i? ...Here”, she grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper and leaned over by the side of the basin to scribble a number as Alex looked on with an almost blank expression.   
She then folded the paper and held it out to Alex confidently…” here...if you ever need proof of the fact, I can prove it to you...Nobody deserves a liar in their mitts Alex...make sure your not been taken a fool!”

She didn't know why because she really didn't want to take a piece of paper from the smug school girl probably wearing her mother's high heels and faked and id to get in..but she took it anyway, quietly as the girl nodded satisfied and slipped away.  
Alex stood there for another minute wondering what the hell had just happened and why was she even thinking about that Ludacris statement still ringing in her ears like a warning siren shed heard many times before... warning her away from the approaching bombs that will inevitably drop to her impending doom!   
She was stunned...how could anyone ever think that Matt had ever liked men in that way, he was a people person yes, and not afraid of the opposite sex. Even kissed Arthur for the show when it wasn't scripted….kissed Arthur???….(` no wait... stop ...this is a trick Alex...get a grip woman... it's fucked up!`)  
She knew Matt, yes she knew him, didn't she? And he would have said if he were ever bisexual, would he?.   
She is an open book and so is he. They are both incredibly honest people and it would be no shame to either of them if that were the case because they have no qualms about such a silly subject. For what possible reason would he have to hide such a thing!   
Why was she still standing there brooding over this...it was laughable! She looked down to the number held increasingly tightly in her hand, `proof?`   
She looked over to the bin and even though the pull towards it was overbalanced by her better judgment, she found herself slipping the small piece of paper shakingly into her clutch as she swallowed dryly and left.

Matt had noticed a change in Alex when she had returned to them. She answered questions with a smile that never actually reached her eyes like it usually did.   
Something was different with her. The Taxi ride home fared no better either...in fact it became worse as silence flared...was she tired? Perhaps he should ask!  
“Tired love?”  
She looked his way and gave another unreaching smile that unbalanced him, to the point of nervousness.   
“A bit yeah,...Arthur was great though wast he?”  
“Yeah, I always love him in the theatre!”  
Alex stilled a moment before she looked away out through the condensated taxi window. Matt didn't know why but the atmosphere was turning suddenly cold and he felt disoriented by it...it was so unlike her to be this way!  
She engaged him again through his heavy brooding, ”The two women you were talking to near the bar...who were they darling?”  
Matt instantly tensed, then shuffled in his seat as his throat clamped up like he needed to loosen his tie...shit he wasn't wearing one.   
He cleared his throat a bit and looked ahead to the taxi driver, they were nearly back thank god.  
“Alex can we err, can we continue this when we get back, we're nearly there!”  
She nodded and looked back out through the window. 

When they entered the house and after slipping off her shoes, Alex made a beeline for the kitchen and Matt followed watching her carefully as she filled the kettle and gathered two cups from the cupboard.   
He scratched his face and leaned against the counter, taking a deep breath he proceeded “They were acquaintances...sorry, no... well ok, they were more than that...but not more than that emotionally speaking...they were just there...at the time...it was nothing...it meant nothing!” He rambled….  
Alex sighed and turned “ you mean they were some of the women that you... well...played with!”  
His stomach tightened at how she said that last part to him, but he had to be honest with her. “Yes, they were!”  
Alex nodded silently, she figured as much anyway when she stood with Arthur and noticed Arthurs change in demeanor when he had spotted Matt near the two women. 

Matt sighed, “Alex... I don't know what they were doing there and i didn't want to interact with them you must believe me love..but i told you the truth and you said you understood it and that it was ok...it was all in the past now!”  
She rubbed her brow as the tension within was now becoming evident in her muscles…”i know i did and i do understand and I don't hold it against you darling, I don't and never will! It's just ...i just wasn't prepared to be confronted so soon i guess... I'm sorry Matt, it just hit me like a ton of bricks and i know you didn't want it either, it was unexpected is all!”  
Matt walked to her and lifted her chin feeling concerned now.  
“Confronted? Who confronted you Alex?”  
She sighed as the kettle clicked and she turned to pour out the hot water over the ready and waiting teabags.   
“It doesn't matter...i trust you and everything you say. They are just trying to mess with my head and I'm letting them...just ignore me...I'll be fine tomorrow i promise i will!”  
Matt didn't like this one bit as he took the kettle carefully out of her hands placing it back down on to the unit.   
“Tell me Alex...tell me right now, did anyone threaten you?… I need to know what they said, they had no right to corner you like that!”  
She chewed on her bottom lip nervously before plucking the courage to tell him the facts, “The Girl with the dark hair...she said that you and Daniel were…”  
Matt shook his head in question as his brow furrowed “were...were what Alex?  
She shrugged her shoulders like it was nothing, but almost looked embarrassed by saying it “together...lovers!”  
Matt stepped back shocked at the announcement, “What??”  
Alex gauged his reaction he looked just as confused and shocked as she felt.  
“I know it's not true Matt...its hysterical to even think such a thing and even if it was I would hope that you would have better taste in men than that utter arsehole. She was just trying to mess with me and its working isn't it? ...Fuck, it's so embarrassing how i can be so easily tormented like that and let it affect me in this way...I can't cope with mind games like that they confuse my rationality no matter what the subject is! I’m just not made to handle any form of lying!.”

Matt was still silent and this concerned her greatly.   
“talk to me Matt...please, i don't believe it...any of it obviously!”  
He ran a hand through his hair and began to pace, “Shit...I get what's going on now, ohhhh I should have known the instant I saw them...this has Daniel written all over it! He lives for this kind of shit! He sent Anna and Nicky over there on purpose to put me on edge and mess with you...the fucking bastard, ill kill him!”

Alex went to wrap her arms around him in an instant, “No, no don't, it's fine...leave it ...it's what he wants, don't give him the satisfaction darling, were ok, aren't we? They haven't achieved anything by it and won't”  
Matt pulled back his seriousness directed to her, “I‘ve never been anything with Daniel Alex! I’m not bisexual and men don't and never have turned me on! Yes, I’ve been a fucking man whore for women for little over a year and sometimes me and Dan we...we shared girls ok and sometimes in the same room...I know its sickening to think that i did that, I’m disgusted at myself for it and will be for a long time. But it happened and I've moved on now! I have you and all i ever want is you... please Kingston i promise, that's the truth ...please believe what i say!”

She leaned back to peck his lips. “Hey stop it...stop it right now, I do believe you, you don't need to prove anything to me Matt, honestly! I trust you implicitly ...This is…. its my problem darling, mine. My mind betrays me you know that...i was unprepared for it and now i wish i really had flushed her head down the toilet!”  
Matt twisted a curl in his finger “i kinda wished you had too!”  
They both smirked, “i love you Alex”  
I love you too darling...come on it's been a long strange evening, let's forget the tea, I'm knackered!”  
Matt agreed but frowned all the same as he walked towards the bedroom.  
“I’m so annoyed by this Alex, I’m not sure I’ll sleep now, but i just want to hold you all the same if that's ok!”  
“Well, that's a good thing because I want to be held!... One last thing though before we brush the subject away entirely as the silly little prank that it is ...I wouldn't have minded if you ever had a thing for guys darling ...i know you don't, but... it wouldn't have bothered me either way. I just don't like secrets and lies and that was the bate they tried to tempt me with...im ok though i will always trust you Matt so don't worry about it, please...they will soon get bored of their silly little game I’m sure!”

Matt sighed as he threw his shirt onto the floor and started to unbutton his trousers “Yeah I know, their just jealous because i have the best woman in the world, don’t i?... And well, they can go screw themselves because your mine forever aren't you Miss Kingston?”  
Alex smirked as she edged towards him in nothing but her bra and knickers after stripping away her dress already.   
“Damn right Mr Smith and you are mine. Nobody's gonna take you away from me are they?...I’m sorry but... I'm suddenly feeling the need to be claimed before i can truly rest...what do you say?”  
Matt's eyes darkened in an instant as he equally felt the need to prove that no one could ever pull them apart.  
”Fuck yes!” He surged against her warm body and she accepted him with equal hunger and desire, their bodies merging in defiance and a passionate fury against the ones who dared to challenge them!  
After their vigorous claiming and bountiful marking of each other's bodies, they both eventually drifted off to a sedated sleep.

Matt woke sometime later and he wasted no time in reaching for his phone quietly.  
Alex still clung to him through her sleep, like even the night had no right to pull him away from her, he held her close and protected with his free arm!   
He scrolled to Dan's number, once again fuming inside at the mere thought of what had transpired that evening! 

Message Dan --- You dare pull a stunt like that again Dan and I won't be responsible for my actions!!! Don't you ever send anyone near me and especially anywhere near Alex ever again. Believe me Dan... you don't want to test my mental state right now!!! THIS ENDS TONIGHT!

Three minutes later his phone vibrated 

Message Matt--- Don't know what the fk your on abt mate...you high?

Message Dan--- You know damn fucking well what you did...don’t message me again Dan...Just fuck off with your stupid little games and leave us the hell alone or i swear it won't end pretty! Don't fucking mess with Alex again or i swear to god you'll end up in an early grave!!!

Dan smiled to himself as he read Matt's last message, must have gone well then he presumed, he decided to check for himself. 

Message Anna---Did she take the bait then sweetness?

Message Dan--- Yes, the seed is planted and she has your number you devious bastard.. you better not forget your promise about the audition...i did everything you asked!

Message Anna--- “Top notch, yeah its fking sorted don't worry ya tits off princess!”


	9. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING. This chapter contains mentions of drugs and Non Consensual Sex ...
> 
> I'm so sorry... i just got carried away peeps...it happens sometimes....oops.   
Was it too much??? Actually no, don't answer that lol

Two more days had passed without any further problems when Matt had received a call from his agent asking him if he was still interested in the film that had caught his eye a while back. Of course he was interested and more than that...he really needed a focus now when Alex was working.   
She had nearly finished the Audio recordings but even though she never failed to call him at any given opportunity, he didn't like being in the house alone and not only that, he just wasn't one for being contained in such a way.   
His childish exuberance longed to be unleashed into the world again, he needed to get back on track with things.   
Matt was like Alex when it came to their work...they both loved their jobs...well he did once upon a time, but he knew he could get that feeling back again, he just needed to find the right project and more importantly surround himself with the right people this time. 

He felt more at ease with things now and knew that Alex would help him find his way if he struggled to juggle the complexities or good work and real friends and now love.   
She had already given him plenty of encouragement and advice about the small Theatre project that was mentioned at Arthurs open night. It was the first time in a long time that he had actually felt excited about work again...probably since `who` even.  
It felt good and positive and reassuringly familiar in feeling because it was something he was certain that he would never get the chance to feel again.  
A few months ago his so-called mates would have discouraged him from entertaining such a small theatrical production as the one Alex and Arthur had raved about.   
They would have insisted it a waste of time and of no beneficial credit to his growing career whatsoever. And embarrassingly he would have listened because he was a moron with them and felt the need to prove himself worthy of more elaborate and highly publicized roles, not to mention good paycheck!   
Matt could clearly see it now looking back...one of the reasons he had stopped having fun was because he was taking on things that he didn't really want to do. Things that bore no interest in his highly complex and usually routinely stimulated mind.  
It had all become about the money, the publicity, and the stardom.  
The shameless sex with unknowns had meant more to him for sure and that was really saying something because as soon as he had desperately ejaculated within any said unknown in a frantic fumble to find any form of relief from the swirl of painful unfamiliarity around him.   
It was merely another bullet to his messed up brain.  
He endeavored to just block it out and didn't listen to his screaming inner self as he rode the waves of self-destruction begrudgingly but willingly with his hands held up in defeat as if someone like bloody Daniel himself had held a gun to his cranium to do it.  
It felt that way in any case.

.   
No...Not anymore...No.   
Now he was going to do what gave him the same flurry of butterflies and excitement that he got when been cast as The Doctor..no matter what that may be. Even if it means embracing a small short show in the west end publicized only because of a great producer but written by an unknown playwright.   
It sounded fun and new and refreshing and he couldn't wait to get started!

Matt had hung up the phone after his discussion with his agent about the new film that shone out to him as a diamond through a wall of shitty rubble.   
They wondered if he had time to bob over to the studio to do a small audition with the other potential cast candidates to see if they blended well together. Apparently all three of the other potentials were close enough by that the director thought it a great time to hold the meeting... even if it did feel a bit rushed.  
It's always so hard to get actors together at the same time and same place... that this had happened naturally was a miracle in itself.   
You take what you can get and when you can get it because someone could be jetting off to America or Timbuktu tomorrow for a job and then you wouldn't be able to collar them for another month or so.   
Matt understood this and accepted the invitation via his agent with open arms and positivity. Fate had dealt him a very generous hand and he would of been stupid not to take it.  
Alex wouldn't be back until tonight and yes it was a pretty enticing script but he desperately needed a distraction too. 

Matt got to the studio at about 2:30 pm.   
He felt a bit nervous about it for some reason...Most probably because he had been highly hung over the last few times he had entered such an environment...blatantly uncaring and unphased.   
Now he did care though and he wanted it...he needed it.   
He took a few exaggerated breaths in and out slowly and deeply to try and calm himself through his anxiety.   
Thoughts drifted to Alex in no time for she was his mental reassurance after all and he quickly wondered if he would be disturbing her if he called. He brushed the idea away swiftly because the thought of surprising her with the news of a new role would be exciting and exhilarating ...well that's if he even got the part in the first place...one can only hope.   
The idea of her surprise made him inch his phone back into his pocket deciding against.   
He wanted to be strong and independent once again and make her proud to be with him!

Matt entered the room with his characteristic cheeky smile and immediately got welcomed by the head producer who introduced him to the rest of the team and the other potential cast candidates.  
They were going to do a short dry read through and some basic interaction acting so the team could get an idea of how well they all blended together visually.   
Matt placed his lucky denim jacket over the back of his chair after introductions and rolled his sleeves up ready to begin.   
Just when he began to settle in with the rather nice people around him and got into some comfortable comedic chatter with some of the other cast members. The door swung opened and in blew Michael...his heart sank in an instant!

The producer stood amused to greet him as he had done with everyone else.   
“Michael there you are...I thought you were going to be a no show .and after all the insistent nagging you did too”   
Michael smiled. “Nahhh, sorry, chuffing roadworks through waterloo bridge again...hope i haven't missed much of the important stuff!”   
He glanced around the room quickly, immediately spotting Matt and giving an acknowledging nod. He seemed unsurprised like he had expected him to be there.   
Matt shuffled and swallowed dryly while his stomach churned to mash potato.  
The first film in a long time that had really sparked his interest and it was now going to be ruined by one man! Bloody fantastic.  
If Michael got the part there was no way in hell he could go ahead with this film he thought. He needed to get away from the Dans group of unfavorable unruly's...he couldn't afford to have any form of link with these people anymore.   
He took a deep breath as Michael wasted no time in pulling out the spare chair next to Matt ...of course he would.  
Matt cursed inside but willed himself to just to get through the day, do the best he could do and if he gets the part then fantastic, and if Michael gets his part then there are more roles to be had in the ocean. 

“Hey mate fancy meeting you here...sounds good though don't it.?.. The film i mean”  
(`just be civil and polite...it's only for a couple of hours Matt`)  
“Yeah...i take it you desire the roll of Dylan then...it's the only one left!”  
“Yeah, he sounds badass don't he...you know I can never resist a role where I get to play with guns!”  
Matt fake smiled “that’s true!”.

Eventually, everyone settled down and finally got to work.   
Matt was glad he only had to do a small interaction with Michael's character on the day and he really got along well with the rest of the team that surprisingly soon made him forget Michael was even there with their interesting banter.   
He wanted this film, he really did...he just had to wait until the team had come to a decision about the cast and that could take another week or so. At the end of it all, all he could do was just hope that they liked him for his role and not Michael.   
Michael left first and rather than speaking they just gave each other a manly nod when he finally left.  
Matt felt relieved that he got through the whole thing without causing a scene or throwing punches of any sort. That was one positive outcome at least!  
He grabbed his jacket off the chair and shook hands with the team before he left.   
Taking his phone out of his pocket to take it off silence, he noticed two missed calls from Alex.  
Shit...she must be worried he mused. He wasted no time in returning her call as he walked back out through the buildings many corridors.  
She answered after two rings with panic in her voice, “Darling there you are...i was so worried, I was just about to leave the studio...are you ok?”  
(`shit...he didn't think when he had put his phone on silent when entering the building...it was just an automatic reaction when doing any sort of audition. He didn't want to tell her where he was because he wanted it to be a surprise if he got the role.  
He hoped she would be proud that he was braving the world again...but now he really didn't want to tell her because Michael had been there and she would only worry more.

“Sorry love, i must have knocked my phone on silent...i never heard it ring... Are you almost done, i thought we could call for a nice meal somewhere...your choice as long as they do a warm chocolate fudge cake for dessert, i have a craving i think!”  
She sighed heavily through the phone, obviously trying to calm herself of the panic he had undoubtedly caused. He felt horrible about that!  
“Yeah ok...but please stop fiddling with your phone all the time Matt... I was just about to walk out of the studio, to call Arthur, and the emergency services !”  
She sighed again, “ I’ll be back in about an hour ok, darling...although I'm not sure you deserve chocolate cake after causing me such a fright ”  
“Alex that's mean...i said i was sorry love...you can't deny a man hot chocolate fudge cake, that's a bit of an extreme punishment don't you think!”  
She relaxed into the phone more, just feeling comforted by the sound of his childish whining over nonsense.  
“ok, you can have cake...on one condition though”  
“What's that?”  
“You have to share!”  
He huffed through the phone like a petulant teenager “argh...ok fine...it's a deal, I'll ask for a bigger portion”  
“Good boy...see you soon then...kiss, kiss”  
Matt smiled through the phone as if she could see, “see you soon sweetheart... kiss, kiss back at ya Kingston”

When Alex turned up just over an hour later and after a much-needed kiss and a cuddle with her man, she nipped upstairs to get changed quickly.   
Matt called up to her, “Alex love, have you seen my wallet?”  
“No, you sure you haven't left it in the bowl with your keys?”  
“Nah i looked there.”  
(`Shit’)... he thought…(`where could it be?`)  
Alex returned to the kitchen and started to slip on her comfortable flats, watching Matt route through every pocket of every coat that hung in the hall like a pirate on a treasure hunt.  
“I'm sure it's not far away Matt, I'll help you look later...come on my treat tonight anyway”  
He rubbed the back of his neck, “that's not very gentlemanly of me is it though Kingston, asking me girl out to dinner and then making her pay...makes me feel a bit shit if I'm honest!”  
God, he was too bloody cute!  
She came to wrap her arms around his waist, “I’m sure i could think of a few ways you could pay me back later!”  
Matt's eyes brightened a bit “ well, what would the payment involve?... I mean... it might be a very expensive dinner, i wouldn't want to take advantage of that fact Kingston”

Alex mused for a moment,   
“Hmmm ok, I’m thinking…. nakedness…?”  
“Yes”  
“Strawberries..?.”  
“Yes”  
“perhaps chocolate sauce?”  
“Hell yes”  
“Blindfold... too much?”  
Matts eyebrows raised through amused arousal while internally battling to try to contain the twitch erupting in his pants.   
”Blindfold?...kinky Kingston...I think i approve of your terms! … I'll er...see what i can do about that then...Full payment is only fair after all and i will pay you in full, I can guarantee that!”  
“I’m sure you will Mr Smith, It's a deal then”   
She pulled back and held out her hand to make their business transaction complete.

Matt took her warm hand in his and after a shake brought it lovingly to his lips and kissed. “Mmm ...I may lose my wallet allot more sweetheart...i hope you can forgive me!”  
She slapped his shoulder laughing as she turned to grab her coat.   
“Wanker...come on let's go find you your bloody cake before I change my mind and throw the idea of dinner away in favor of slamming you against our door!”  
Matt chuckled as they walked out into the cold night air stroking the door as he passed causing Alex to burst into a fit of giggles when he playfully pecked it with a kiss.  
“Yes it is our door isn't it...the best door in the world Kingston, yes you are, we love you and we will shag against you soon i promise!”  
Thank god he was an Actor, .at least if anyone saw him chatting up a door he could say he was practicing for a new film or something `The Door And Me?`   
Actors are crazy people so anything like this was acceptable in public society.

The next morning Alex rushed around into what had become a normal routine of calm before chaos.  
Getting out of bed when in the warm loving embrace of Matt Smith's arms was becoming increasingly difficult and she never could pull herself away until the very last second on the clock. After that, it was a frantic flurry of madness to get herself showered and changed then a bite to eat and out of the front door before Matt could tempt her any further to throw a sick day of all things. And to think she thought the days of throwing hooky from school were long behind her...Fat chance when she had The Naked Doctor in bed with his gritty husky wake up voice and glorious morning erection on offer.  
She surged out through the front doors checking her watch as she paced down the street heading towards the far too familiar London underground.   
She quickly grabbed a coffee-like she always did from `captain coffee’s` street vendor, because she liked to drink it on the tube to wake up properly before work.   
She turned quickly after paying, feeling soundly gratified by the heat pulsing through the flimsy cardboard cup warming her cold fingers through the early morning freeze, that had produced icicle on the buildings above. Little comforts she thought! 

“Oh Alex...i thought that was you, was just heading to Matt’s but you'll do... saves me the trip”  
She turned to see Daniel beside her.   
“Yes it's me ...sorry what? Matt told you to stay away didn't he?... So I would suggest you do just that Daniel.”  
Dan shook his head and pulled out something from his pocket.  
“No i just wanted to return his wallet, he left it at mine yesterday...you know how forgetful he can be. I know he wanted me to stay away while your there...i get it, believe me. Sorry if I was rude to you before...mixed signals i guess...i was just dropping it off for him that’s all!”  
He handed her what was indeed Matt's wallet with a small smile.   
Alex was suddenly confused…”Are you seriously telling me that Matt was at yours yesterday Dan?”  
Daniel scratched his face also looking increasingly confused.   
“Err yeah, was nice...what...he didn't say?...Shit...sorry um, i should go... I think I've done something wrong here, sorry Alex”

Alex stood there lost in the moment and unable to move as Dan turned to leave without another word shared between them.  
After a few minutes to gather herself as her surroundings came back into focus once again she swallowed heavily.

Matt was at Dan's yesterday?   
What...what was he doing there and why didn't he say anything about it to her about it?   
Had he just told Dan to stay away because she was staying there...was she in the middle of something that she was unaware of?   
What the hell was going on and why the hell was Matt lying.   
Oh God, he was lying to her…. Matt... her Matt...the one person that she thought would never treat her like the others had done and he's gone and joined the wretched line with the rest of the bastards.  
Dan had his wallet... Matt's phone was switched off yesterday... he said he must have nocked it...was she really that stupid?   
It came flooding over her all at once, it felt all too familiar like the early stages of deception Ralph had inflicted upon her...only this time she knew what it was.  
She suddenly felt sick and she found herself having to lean against the building for support hoping her knees wouldn't give way like her mind clearly had.   
She had to be sure though...she still had the number the bitch in the bathroom had given her ...the so-called proof that Matt had been in a relationship with Dan.  
Oh god did he go there for a shag while she was at work?... Was she being dramatic?... Yes, she was and she had bloody every right to.  
Her shaking hands reached into her bag struggling to find the scrap of paper that she should have thrown away on the day it was handed to her.   
As her hand pulled out the paper her eyes glanced up...fuck she needed to sit down for this.  
She spotted a secluded bench on the outer edge of the parklands and headed to it with reluctant and trembling limbs!  
She sat and typed the number quickly into her phone, at the same time thinking to herself she shouldn't really be doing this...this was wrong...this was Matt...her Matt!  
Matt would never betray her like this, would he? He was sweet and loving and honest...he loved her. Ralph had loved her...so had floran.   
Then she paused to look upon Matt's wallet that she had shoved into her bag.  
So many questions.   
Why did he pretend to hate Dan and then secretly go to him? Was he playing a game too...a game he always insisted only Dan was accustomed to playing.   
Was this all some sick joke?... Her mind was becoming a mass of hysteria as she finally and unwillingly pressed the send button on her phone in a panic. 

Unknown number...What Proof?  
Dan’s smiled sly and scheming as he received Alex’s text barely twenty minutes since handing her the leather-bound token of confusion.   
His ingeniousness astounded him...It was bloody working...It was so simple and so easy to manipulate someone who has been betrayed so brutally with lies before, he knew it wouldn't take much for her to succumb...but he chuckled to himself as he selected the pictures on his phone...this was way too easy!

Alex sat on the bench and stared at her phone but really not seeing it physically as her head was elsewhere...searching, doubting...crumbling…  
The message alert on her phone startled her into the real world once again and taking a deep breath while her stomach flipped pancakes with drawing pins she painfully clicked open on her inbox. 

Matt had called Alex twice throughout the day. She hadn't answered.   
She didn't call at lunch or any of her breaks for that matter.   
By the time evening came he wondered if she had left her phone somewhere or if she had just been too busy to break off to call. He missed his usual chat but hoped she wasn't seeing him as too clingy because of them.   
He brooded to himself as he pulled the Yorkshire puddings out of the oven. Yes, Yorkshire puddings made all by himself, well while supervised on the phone by his mother... but Alex wouldn't know that would she?. 

He heard the front door go and he smiled to himself as he went to the fridge to grab a drink, he found making dinner was thirsty work.   
She came into the kitchen and he turned with his smile quickly turning into a frown.   
Alex looked tired and pale and worn...her eyes were red and her cheeks we streaked with dried tears and blotchy.   
He quickly stepped forward “Alex what’s wrong...whats happened?”  
She held up her hand to halt him from coming too close.  
“Stop..!”  
Matt was getting increasingly concerned by the second, especially from her short sharp response.   
Christ, she could barely look him in the eye...something was seriously wrong here.   
“Alex...what...what is this?”  
She kept her gaze down and her composure stern and frighteningly calm.  
“Matt I’m going to ask you something’s... personal things and i really need for you to tell me the truth...no matter what it is...just the truth ok, that's all I’m asking?”  
Matt swallowed, “i always tell you the truth Alex!”  
Her eyes looked up to him swiftly at that and she held them fast with a certain intensity that would bore a hole through iron.   
“Have you and Daniel ever been in a relationship?”  
Matt couldn't believe his ears. This again. What the hell was going on.  
“Alex you know that's not…”  
“Shut up...just shut up Matt please…”   
she tried to convey calm in her voice as she gritted her teeth   
“ just answer yes or no!”  
He swallowed nervously but answered all the same.  
“NO”

She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them as the next question came out.   
“Have you had sex with each other!”  
Matt ran a hand through his hair, this was too much...he took a step back…  
”Oh my God...NO...STOP IT..... Alex, please stop this...why are you doing this?”  
“Were you at Dan's yesterday?”  
Matt huffed,   
“No Alex...i was not at Daniels Yesterday, or the day before or anytime since you and I have been together ...now please ...can you tell me what the hell is going on here?”  
She grabbed her bag that she had put on the counter and pulled out Matt's wallet, she threw it to him as he fumbled to catch the surprise item.

“Found your wallet Or should I say Dan did. Said you left it at his place yesterday on your private little get-together!”  
Matt stepped forward anger erupting out of him now.   
”Like hell i did!”  
Alex then proceeded to take out her phone, her face void of any emotion, that made him nervous and scared and sick to the stomach all at the same time.   
She pressed a couple of buttons, silent and unwavering in her actions, then she held up the phone at arm's length so Matt could see what she intended him to see.  
“That's you and Dan isn't it?”  
The picture on the screen was a clear shot of Matt and Dan snogging. Matts hands on either side of Dan's face...clearly enthusiastic.   
Matt's arms flew up uncontrollably now through sheer exasperation and annoyance.   
“Fucking hell Alex... that was ages ago! That was a dare...that was a fucking dare and we were all pissed up as you can imagine. That means nothing...nothing!!! why are you doing this love? Who gave you that picture anyway?...this is crazy Alex!”

She nodded quietly, still emotionless and scrolled down to the second picture of Matt and Dan snogging again...obviously on a different night because of their change in clothes.   
Matt looked at the next picture that he was sure he could just as easily explain as the first one.   
“Fucking hell...ok... that was spin the bottle i forgot about that night...but so what...So i snogged Dan twice Kingston...don't try and tell me you've never snogged a woman before. In Fact, you've already told me you did...so why the hell does it matter anyway!”

Alex shut her eyes and drew a deep breath as she came to the last picture of her selection. Holding her arm out firm and strong so Matt could see the evidence she held in all its unmistakable glory.  
She was stern and precise in tone.  
“That's you isn't it?... I know it is Matthew, you can't lie to me anymore. That's your favorite jacket..and I recognize the watch!”  
The picture clearly showed, what appeared to be Matt bent over a table with his trousers lowered to his thighs. With Daniel behind him also with his trousers down and it was plainly obvious what they were doing!   
There were a few people blurred in the background but clearly amused by their sexual antics.   
Matt was silenced instantly as his eyes widened with shock and he backed away slowly with nothing short of fear. His voice shook as he pointed with a trembling finger…  
”What..what is....where...where did you get that Alex?...Where...where did that come from?”

She dropped her hand with the phone to her side finally resigned and looking down barely able to cope with the look of shock and horror on Matt's face.  
“Does it matter Matthew...its you isn't it? Perhaps the picture was from you little Rhonda Voo with him yesterday, how would I know anyway?”   
She shrugged her shoulders, “You lied to me. That's it. It's done. It's over!”  
She turned to leave Matt stunned and silenced in the kitchen as she went to grab her case from under the bed and begin to fill it as quickly as possible...hoping he wouldn't show his face before she had a chance to leave...she was borderline explosive and control was failing fast.  
It was too much to ask and after about five minutes he entered the bedroom.

“It's not what you think it is!”  
She shook her unruly curls.  
“Stop it!”  
“It's me yes... your right about that Alex, but!”  
“Stop it Matt or I swear to god!”   
“We were never together...never a thing and that only happened once... it wasn't...i wasn't...god, don’t make me say it!”  
She couldn't control herself anymore, the fury and betrayal within her exploding with unlimited violence that needed to be unleashed.   
She needed some form of relief or she would explode from the intense burn of betrayal surging through her blood like a frenzied swarm of killer bees.  
She grabbed the first thing that came to hand which was a half-full teacup on the bedside table and she launched it against the wall viciously close to Matt's body smashing it to oblivion as if the innocent item were the current offender itself.  
Her previous calm and collected self now turned to dust as the storm within her unleashed its fury upon the world.

“GET OUT...I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT, I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR LIES ANYMORE...YOUR JUST LIKE ALL THE REST OF THEM AREN'T YOU!”

“It wasn't meant to happen Alex I swear...i didn't do...ALEX...NO...STOP IT!”

She grabbed the picture frame off the windowsill and threw it against the wall again in a rage of sheer desperation of unyielding hurt, pain, and anger... barely missing Matt in the process as he flinched away from the flying shards of glass. 

“LIER!!”

Her rampage of destruction continued and he finally paced to stop her as she surged to pull the rather impressive and expensive-looking painting off his wall. Pulling her back by the waist fiercely and with force as her fingertips frustratedly grazed the classical golden surround of its edges as she stretched for it crazy and unhinged.   
He feared she would injure herself...he really couldn't care less about the art.

He shouted back, this had gone too far...he desperately needed to get through to her...“ALEX STOP IT...STOP IT NOW...LISTEN...LISTEN TO ME”

She wriggled frantically with all the strength and distress of a woman fighting the undercurrent of the stormy ocean that was pulling her down to its depths in an effort to drown her frail body as she aimlessly fought for breath trying to break through to its surface gasping for air.  
She gasped and struggled...”NO MATT ...NO ...LET GO... I HATE YOU...I HATE YOU!” Tears streamed down her face.  
He held fast behind her tightly holding her waist as his heart crumbled beneath his chest like brittle chalk.   
He didn't notice his own tears that were currently falling as he fought to hold on to the woman he loved…(`if you love me you won't let go ...do you love me Matt... do you?...Don't let go`)  
She managed to turn in his embrace and began pounding his chest in a failing effort to fight him away from her.  
“LISTEN TO ME PLEASE...ALEX YOU MUST LISTEN”

“NO...NO…NO... I LOVE YOU...I TRUSTED YOU...Why did you…? Why...Matt ?”  
She collapsed in his arms suddenly like a puppet whose strings had finally snapped.  
Matt was just as weak and unable to hold his own self steady as he fell to the floor with her in a heap where they both broke into uncontrollable sobs...clinging to one another with deathly grip.   
After a while, their crying withdrew but Matts hold on her held firm as she still had her head pressed against his torso through defeat and exhaustion.  
Matt took a deep breath before he spoke, willing calm to surround them through the intense atmosphere.  
“I didn't want...i never…”   
He took another deep breath, this was something he never wanted to say to anyone...but if he had any chance of saving their relationship, it needed to be told and right now...no matter how much it hurts or how much it pained him to say it.   
He should have known better than to try and lock it away like a dirty little secret.   
This was his fault. He did this. He had done the one thing that he never wanted to do...he had hurt her!  
Would his confession destroy them more? Most definitely... But what had he got to lose anymore anyway...he had nothing if he didn't have her. She was probably already lost to him! 

“It was the night of the Horror Movie Awards”  
Alex remained still and silent as Matt spoke, there was no energy left within her to protest anymore.  
“After the ceremony we headed straight to the after-party, drinking heavily and dancing with girls...ya know how it is. We were all just having a laugh mingling with everybody and anyone like it was the last night on earth.   
Dan kept throwing drinks into my hand, of course, and I willingly accepted, we won the award after all...it was a celebration of sorts, or at least that's what I told myself as an excuse.  
Michael came up to me when I was dancing with some random blond and held out a pill under my nose like a mint…” you'll love how this makes you feel!” he said.”

Alex sniffed and shuffled against him...but stayed where she was and kept quiet.  
Matt quietly continued…   
“I've never taken drugs in my life Alex because I never understood them and why anyone would want to risk themselves or their mind in such a way.   
It was wrong and I knew it was wrong...I didn't even know what the drug was and i didn't ask.  
I was atrociously drunk and desperately trying to numb away the fact that I wasn't really enjoying myself...that i didn't want to be there.   
I really didn't like these people, but I had no one else at the time. I missed you guys allot, Karren and Arthur and the lighting crew and everyone else...they were no longer to hand as they once were, we all had different things going on.   
I wanted to disappear for a while Alex ...so i took it...i grabbed the pill and swigged my beer and waited for something to take me away from the hell i had entered!”

Matt was silent for a moment...lost in the midst of a hazy memory that he so longed to forget.   
“What happened Matt?”  
Matt rubbed Alex’s back briefly for comfort before he had the courage to respond to her question.   
“I err...we..we partied a bit longer then headed back to Dans to continue the celebration.   
My vision started to deteriorate quickly but there were three guys and three girls i think... I’m not sure. It's all a bit of a blur when i count the faces in my head.   
They practically had to carry me back though, I know that much. My legs gave out before the taxi came, I had no control over my body.  
I remember them laughing as they tried to squeeze me through the door and we fell through...everyone was drunk.   
I think I ended up on a chair in the dining room...i remember the grain of the wood so vividly like it was part of me...like i was being absorbed into it...it was entirely strange but fascinating and relaxing all the same...it held my focus for a while as I studied the feeling of calm it brought with it.  
I was in and out of zones in my head but I knew they were playing drunken games...i could hear them laughing and it had become a routine thing at Dan's. They were playing truth or dare again...that much I grasped.”

Matt shuffled a bit his grip around Alex tightening...she held steady...afraid to move, afraid to interrupt his commitment into telling her the details of something that was becoming increasingly difficult for him to tell. She felt his limbs tense beneath her.  
All she could hear now and feel against her head were the shaky breaths of his diaphragm and the escalating pound of his heart against her ear.   
Matt cleared his throat and finally continued through the tense atmosphere that surrounded them like an overbearing cave collapsing inward.  
”The err...the next thing I remember was being lifted out of my seat none too gently and been thrown over the table. They were laughing...i was amusing to them. It was a dare and Dan had been challenged and he was not one to play chicken. I couldn't control my limbs... I couldn't move and i really wanted to...Dan's voice was suddenly in my ear real close like he had crawled into my head...i felt him lean across me…”

Matt let go of Alex and ran a shaking hand through his hair. She sat up to look at him, his face was pale and the realization of where this was going hit her like a piano to the head.

“He said...he said...'' don't worry I’ll be gentle`...i Fuck ...i panicked inside...i forced the words out of my mouth... I’m sure i did...it wasn't in my head Alex...i told him `Don't…` over and over again... NO...DON'T…` I did Alex i swear i did...but i couldn't move...i tried but i couldn't get away from him...i tried Alex...i didn't want to play their sick game ...i didn't want it to happen, but it did ...and it won't go away! I dream it...i smell it...i bloody feel it for fuck's sake and its right there in my head and it won't leave me Alex it wont...its my fault i know….i was stupid and reckless and i hung out with people that i knew were bad news from the start.  
I asked for it...i asked for it didn't i? I feel disgusted and dirty and lost and the only thing that ever makes it go away is you!” 

Tears were streaming down his face, as his body trembled through his confession and as tears ran down Alex's face she threw her arms around him as she straddled tightly around his waist.  
“I've got you...your ok Matt...it over...i’ve got you darling... I’m here!”  
He sobbed into her shoulder “I’m so sorry Alex, I didn't want it ...i didn't mean for any of this to happen...i ignored it and wished it away like it never happened ...but it would never leave me be...that's why i wanted to end it ...i couldn't get away from it Alex...There was no escaping who I had become ...i need you... please...please help me... please don't leave me, i failed everyone I’m sorry!”  
She held his head against her shoulder firmly and protective, as her fingers caressed his hair to soothe him in any way she could.  
”Hush...I'm not leaving you darling I promise. It's going to be okay and we’ll get through this Matt. You're not alone anymore...you can talk to me about this now so it won't consume you. You needed this Matt, you really did...you needed to let it out in order to let it go and it's over now...it's over darling!!”

After a moment of gentle caresses and continued but gradually slowing sobs between them both, Alex finally channeled her failing energy to move away from the floor.  
She stood up and threw her half-packed case off the bed and then turned to Matt who hadn't moved from his position since she had left him there. His gaze was still down drained of all emotions and his body looked like a shipwreck.   
Her heart was breaking or broke, she wasn't sure which but she needed to be the strong one right now.   
She bent to his level and took his hand gently, he was clammy to touch and he startled a bit as if he had forgotten where he was in that moment.   
He looked up to her with saddened tired eyes as she held his hand firmly ...come to bed darling, you're going to ache like hell if you stay down there all night and you'll get cold”

He made to stand with wobbly legs as she kept a hold on him while pulling back the covers with her free hand.   
He climbed in fully clothed but she left him as such. He was exhausted and numb and as she followed after him and she wasted no time in curling against his body.  
Her hand carefully strayed under his shirt to draw patterns on his bare chest because she knew he liked that. It seemed to soothe him as he shut his eyes and hummed quietly from the back of his throat before finally succumbing to sleep.   
Alex placed a gentle kiss to his cheek before brooding the rest of the night away...toying with ideas of bittersweet revenge and brutal murder. It was certainly safe to say that her mind was a bloodbath of Dan's various body parts!


	10. The Next Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but i wanted to keep it separate from the next part that will be very dramatic.   
Love feedback good or bad peeps

Matt was lying on his side feeling the comforting warmth of Alex surround him, her arm delicately draped across his waist.   
When he finally blinked his eyes open, his focus came instantly into contact with the tea stain against the wall and the shattered remnants of debris below. The reality of what had transpired the previous evening abruptly making itself noticed and forcing him to recoil sickly inside.   
He moved to sit slowly, carefully unwrapping Alex’s arm and then taking a deep shaky breath into his lungs then releasing it deliberately and as steadily as he could. In the process, trying his best not to wake Alex through his lame attempt at meditation.  
He didn’t realize it, but she was already awake and watching him carefully with concerned eyes behind him.

He sat and placed his feet on the floor, the coolness of it grounding himself and encouraging himself to take another deep breath with his eyes closed.   
His heart skipped as he heard her move behind and she wasted no time in placing a gentle hand on his back.

”Hey...its ok darling...can i...can I get you anything?” 

She felt a bit awkward and a bit unsure how to go about things to make him feel like Matt again. She needed him to know that this wasn't going to change how she felt about him in the slightest.  
This was going to take time for him, she knew...but time she would gladly give to him if only to see his beautiful smile again.   
She felt guilty for yesterday, immeasurably so! She had caused this. She had acted rash and flown off the handle like an immature teenager. Throwing things at him on insane impulse as if he were the enemy himself...but he wasn't, was he... he was a victim of everyone and in the end, herself included.  
She had doubted him far too easily. She felt sickened to know that she had betrayed the man she loved because she had been so fucking gullible to be coerced into the despicable game of such an evil genius.   
Daniel the demon had unashamedly outsmarted her and she felt so utterly weak and stupid and disgusted at her actions to believe something that she knew deep in her heart could never have been true. 

This was Matt after all and he was the most honest, caring and lovable person that she had ever had the privilege to know.   
She should have just come straight home and laid everything Dan had told her out on the table and just let Matt explain things properly and in a civilized manner like any normal human beings with an inch of a brain cell would have done!  
It was then that she realized that yes, she was the older one of this relationship, but Matt was definitely the more mature one of the two.  
Matt turned his head slightly to acknowledge her presence but didn't look at her in the eyes. His clothes were rumpled just like his hair, his skin pale with a slight sheen of sweat glistening its surface.

“I’m ok thanks, I'm just gonna get a shower i think...bit yucky...won't be long love!”

He stood and walked away without so much as turning to look at her...his current focus the door and its promise of exit.  
Alex sighed thoughtfully as she sat back leaning heavily against the headboard.   
She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Matt as he carefully closed the bathroom door and then turned on the shower.   
He whipped off his shirt getting undressed, but memories still plagued his brain and he felt hot all of a sudden as sickness came over him, causing his insides to roll and tighten.   
He raced and crashed down to the toilet and retched into it painfully hard, barely able to catch his breath in the process. His eyes streamed tears and he gasped desperately trying to gain merciful air through his violent heaving and panic.   
When he eventually ran out of stomach contents, finally able to take a comforting breath of air he sagged weakly back against the wall to regain his consciousness more fully.  
His eyes were closed as the sound of the water falling from the shower came back to his sense of hearing once more.   
He heard something else, the tap from the sink was running. He opened his eyes just as Alex was bending down carefully before him with a cold flannel on hand that she placed delicately over his brow. It felt cool and good.

“You'll feel better for getting that out darling. You've had enough stress for a hundred people to be able to handle lately Matt, but you're stronger than anyone I know. It will get better trust me... it will, I promise you that!”. 

She wiped the cool cloth around his face and he hummed calmingly through her words and touch as she helped to relax him...   
She stood tentatively and after a minute bent back down to his level and handed him a glass of water. 

“Here...just try a bit yeah?”

He took the glass and sipped a bit before she took it away again. His eyes had barely focused on her since he woke and this concerned Alex more than the vomiting did. 

“Matt...darling?... why won't you look at me?”

His gaze lifted but only for a brief moment before dropping uncharacteristically again to his lap.

“I dunno...i just feel... I feel ashamed of myself Alex”

She lifted his chin forcing his gaze to her serious response.

“Matt this wasn't your fault! You were emotionally vulnerable and he took advantage of that fact...it could have happened to anyone...it could have happened to me.”

“Christ, don't say that Alex!”

“But it's true darling. He’s a twisted, vile individual and he has some kind of sick obsession over keeping you in his filthy disgusting mitts ...but I won't let him Matt. We won't let him will we?”

Matt nodded with a small but encouraging smile 

“No...no we won't sweetheart“

Alex noticed his rapidly cooling body start to shiver.

”come on let's get a warm shower, your getting a chill and anyway i need you to wash my hair its a birds nest” 

He scoffed “bossy knickers you are Kingston”.

She smirked at his familiar comeback while she helped him to stand back onto his shakey pins once more.

“Yeah, you love it!”

He began to undo his trousers while she undressed too, then they both stepped into the shower taking it in turns to wash each other under the pounding heat of the steamy water.   
She turned him around to wash his shoulders and back when he felt the urge to speak again.

“I was at an audition for a film Alex...i wanted to surprise you with a new role.. but then bloody Michael turned up too of course for a different part”

He sighed exasperatedly

“.. I’m hoping he doesn't get it though. I obviously won't do it if he does ...but it must have been when he took my wallet though the bastard!” 

Alex’s hands halted briefly as she cursed inwardly to herself before she continued to massage soap up between his shoulder blades right through to his scalp.

“What were they thinking Love...what kind of people do things like that Alex… They tried to turn you against me, they didn't want me to have you...Fuck” 

He spun around and wrapped his arms around her pulling her naked frame into his tightly and possessive. 

“I won't let them take you from me Alex...it can’t happen”

Her head rested on his slick wet chest as her arms held him firmly around his waist.

“I’m so sorry Matt for how i acted..., i was so...so horribly wrong. I’m sorry for believing such a ridiculous lie in the first place and I hate myself immensely for it and how much I got carried away. I knew in my heart that you could never have been capable of such betrayal and yet i still listened to my bloody screwed up head because I'm an irrational and juvenile woman and a complete idiot at times...I’m not wise in the slightest Matt and you're always teaching me things about myself that I never thought possible. I strive to be a better person with you darling... your the better half of me and always will be and I love you for it... I won't let them take you either.”

She pulled back looking deep with concern into his captivating eyes.

“What can we do?... Tell the police...is that someth……” 

“No”

Matt shook his head instantly with conviction.

“No... I can’t do that. Nobody else can know about what he did Alex...i can't...no i can't handle that...its….i just can't tell anyone else... I'm sorry!”

She switched the shower off and opened the glass door as they stepped through, grabbing two towels but considerately wrapped Matts around his shoulders first. He stepped out after her and she reached up on her tiptoes to give his hair a rub with her towel vigorously like a mother would...he indulged her spontaneous pampering knowing it helped to ease her tension and lowered his head as she continued their conversation.

“I understand that darling, I really do...but what about the pack of wolves he has hounding us at our every turn...it can't go on like this Matt...we can't let them all get away with it!”

Matt sighed as Alex had eventually finished using his head as a stress relief ball... finally feeling like she was able to attend to her own crazy mop of wet hair out.   
It was so straight when wet and then poof just like magic it explodes it to a zillion corkscrew tendrils that amazed him every single time he got to witness the extraordinary transformation. He felt rather privileged at that!

“We both know what their up to now though...they've already failed Alex...They've hastily used their ace card and by that i mean the pictures... they can’t have anything else worse than that up their sleeve...”

He grimaced

“ ...i know that with certainty, they have no power or control left...so that’s it....there's nothing else they can do to us right?.” 

Alex abruptly stopped combing through her hair staring at Matts reflection through the mirror with disbelief as he sat precariously on the edge of the bathtub.

“So what... we’re going to do nothing?... Forget it...let them all get away with everything they've done to you...to us, because they have no more knives worth throwing. Is that what you're telling me Matt, you can’t be serious darling?”

Matt came to stand behind her resting his hands on her arms and kissing her cheek sensing her tension and utter frustration understandably.

“Isn't it revenge enough that they haven't done anything to us that they set out to do except make us stronger Alex?”

She chewed on her bottom lip agitatedly while shaking her head.

” I’m just so bloody angry at them all Matt...I don't know how you can do it...be so passive and resilient and well ...so bloody calm and annoyingly sensible like you are. When all i want to do is march right up to each and every single one of them and smash my hand against their faces preferably with the largest fucking rings i own on my fingers!”

“OY... Kingston, I've never known you so Violent…?”

She rolled her eyes, at his apparent shock/horror

“yeah well, you've never seen how I react when someone I love gets hurt before have you? I’m a controlled woman Matthew but when it comes to the people dearest to me...well that's where I draw a line...I'm sorry, i can't help it. I could kill the bastards and still have a good night’s sleep afterward for sure!”

He spun her around taking in how utterly adorable she looked angry and dripping with water half-naked with a towel wrapped around her small frame. She looked like an Angel holding a pitchfork, in strange but intriguing combination light and dark. She was Wholesome, loving and true, yet fierce and passionate with an unyielding fury that made his head spin spirals.   
Fuck she was Sexy Hot! He was so tempted to just to drop that flimsy towel with the pinch of his itching fingers so he could see where that trail of water ended up as it dripped down the entrancing gap between her breasts...Then he would lift her to take her wildly between her divine toned legs against the bathroom unit with vigour. The only thing stopping him from doing this was that he had not long since spewed his guts up and he was a considerate gentleman... apparently! What a fucking wanker!   
He tried to focus his attention away from her glorious breasts once more.

“Look i know you upset and angry... so am I...but nothing will be gained by adding fuel to the fire…”

She rolled her eyes again silent and unimpressed by his apparent resolve. 

“ Listen to me Kingston, please just listen...we ride this out yeah?...We show them how utterly in love we both still are and that’s all it will take i know it. Please, can you just try for me Alex...do it for me yeah?... And if by whatever bizarre reason.. if they attempt to try anything else...i promise you can wear all the rings you like when you punch out their lights...agreed?”

She huffed like he’d seen Salome do a couple of times and it tickled him with silent amusement even through the seriousness of their conversation.

“ `Fine`...i don't like it... but `fine`... if that's what you want”

Matt's shoulders sagged as he relaxed unknowingly.

“Yes,it is. Thank you love, that’s all I want sweetheart. Just let it be and we can move on”

She touched her hand against his cheek as he leaned against the warmth of her tender touch. 

“you feeling ok anyway? You look a bit brighter now”

Matt beamed as she still continued to gaze upon him with familiar loving and gentle eyes with adoration. He was so utterly marveled with her. How could she still be here and still look at him like that...even after everything he had told her? 

“I feel much better thanks sweetheart. I think I'm gonna be ok, it’s kinda like a weight has been lifted from me actually”

Alex smiled and wrapped her arms around his naked torso. 

“you're doing amazing darling, I’m so bloody proud of you”

She took a deep breath, pulling back, 

“ Right you better finish up here and I'll go make you a light breakfast...which you will eat of course if you know what's good for you Smith!”

She turned away after a quick peck to his cheek and he slapped her arse chuckling to himself

“bossy knickers!” 

Alex got dressed while eyeing her phone on the side table. She immediately grabbed it and deleted the pictures quickly before throwing the phone aside like a hot coal.   
Running a hand over her face frustratedly.   
She couldn't let this go! She knew it... she just couldn't. They were all monsters.   
Dan was the biggest monster of all, the mastermind with horns and he needed to pay for all the pain he had inflicted on her beloved sweetness, he nearly killed himself for christ sakes.   
She thought of every reason why she shouldn't just use her long list of contacts to stop Daniel's career in his tracks and make sure he was never hired again in the acting industry. Having many years above him in the field did boast its advantages and she was certain she could make him unfavorable with every director she had ever had the privilege of knowing...which in her case... was allot.   
But she had told Matt she would leave it...could she go against his wishes like that?   
At this point, she wasn't sure...she was still angry, no fuming and bitter and still simmering inside either about to boil over or cool to contentment. She laughed pained at the thought, knowing full well that she could never be content with this. There was no choice when it came down to it.  
Perhaps she could just lose Dan a few decent jobs...only a few intended as a warning just to let him know that she held the upper hand here... to force him to leave Matt alone once and for all, knowing she could end his career with the snap of her fingers if she wanted to.   
Yes...a warning….. it's something that could at least offer a mild sedative to the fury burning within her!   
First on the agenda though is to ensure Michael won't be cast in this new film that Matt is hoping to acquire. Her guy really needed this.   
He needed a focus and she wasn't about to let his fresh new start at things get screwed over because of that sneaky little devious bastard.

Four days later from their bathroom discussion and Matt gets the call he’s been hoping for. He’s got the role he wanted along with all the other cast candidates...that is... all except Michael.   
He's over the moon and so is Alex just to see his sparkle back behind his eyes.   
The incredible smile on his face instantly puts all the niggling doubts over her drastic actions aside about the message she sent to the production team of a few little spread rumors of drug dealings between Michael and past crews.   
As a concerned friend, she had an obligation to let the film's director and producer aware of this knowledge didn't she?  
She had also heard it through the grapevine that Daniel had been dropped from his latest two gigs much to her satisfaction, so those messages must have worked their magic too.   
She felt some relief of course but also strangely burdened and edgy too because of this secret knowledge. This wasn't her usual style... She wasn't a liar or a deceiver and her moral compass was usually exceptionally high in standard...but it was the only way she could decipher as what...payback? Revenge? A threat? It all felt all too little anyway.   
Did Daniel even know she was responsible for his loss of work? She really hoped he did or what would have been the point of all this.  
Nothing had happened in a few days at least and Matt was beginning to settle his emotions once more. In Fact, he was the happiest she had seen him in a long time and the trauma of his confession to her had unburdened him allot more than he realized and that was all that mattered now.   
She could see that he was becoming Matt again, funny, familiar, playful, loving and confident.   
She willed herself to focus ahead from this point forward. If he could do it after all the hell he’d been through, then by god so could she!

Snuggled on the sofa in the living room while Matt read his book `A million little pieces` Alex switched off the rubbish tv.

“Got a call from Gavin today...the kitchen will be finished tomorrow”

Matt dropped his book to his lap as his heart instantly sank at the words.  
She’s going to leave me...

“really?... Oh...thats um...that's really great Alex, bet you'll be glad to have it finished now and get your house back to yourself.”

She tilted her chin upon his shoulder

“Yeah, it's just how I wanted it to look, it's perfect really.”

“Hmm...all down to my amazing designing skills obviously” 

There was a moment of awkward silence before Alex spoke again...sitting back to look at Matt’s increasingly tense posture and knowing his thoughts via their natural psychic link.

“This doesn't change anything you know Matt. My house is your house if you desire it to be so... it's a given, surely you must know that darling?”

He sighed, “i know”

“ I know its still incredibly early for us... but we can go public if you like.. if you feel you're ready for that chaotic whirlwind...I'll hold you up firm you know i will. I think I can handle it myself now ...But don't do it if you feel you can't cope just yet Matt because that's just fine too. Anything...anything you want is ok by me.   
We can work around it, the press hasn't got a hold of us yet and that's saying something considering with my gob really isn't it?”

Matt chuckled 

“Yeah, you've done good keeping it zipped Kingston I’ll give you that much. I think you leaving to go home would do more harm than the press at this point. Does that sound very clingy of me...it does doesn't it... I'm sorry the last thing i want to do is to guilt-trip you?”

Matt shook his head feeling annoyed by what he knew would outwardly be perceived at his still lingering emotional and weakened state.

Alex placed a soothing hand to the back of his neck to fiddle with his hair, but as always his beautiful gorgeous woman understood without question and knew just what to say to make him feel better about himself. 

“No...I don’t think it's clingy at all Matt and if you really think you're the only one that's thinking that way then you have been severely misled. I think if I were just to up and relocate like that even as our relationship continued at our own separate dwellings, i know that i would barley cope either. In Fact, I would feel like my very heart had been ripped out away from me. I want to come home to you! I love coming home to you... wherever that may be and I want you to be the last face i see at night and the first face i wake up to in the mornings...so you see... I think that i need you as much as you need me and let's be honest you really are becoming an excellent chef!”

Matt laughed wholeheartedly

“ I knew you only loved me for me fish fingers Kingston!”

She giggled as she adjusted around swinging her leg to straddled across him...he felt like the bloody king of the universe when she did that. 

“well yes...amongst other things also Mr Smith”

He thrusted up slightly with a cheeky grin as he held her hips close and firm “Oh yeah like what love?”

Smirking at him by what he was obviously insinuating, much to her amusement, 

“Of course that’s a rather `big` bonus darling, no question about that.” 

He thrust against her pleasantly once more...his face annoyingly smug in knowing the thrill he could emit through her via the carnal current of his heated groin.

“Shit... Matt, you're so bloody distracting you wanker stop that..... now let's not get off the beaten track here, this is supposed to be a bloody serious discussion!”

He smiled at her, but still feeling slightly satisfied that he could overpower her authority at any given moment with one more bold thrust if he wanted to...the fascinating woman only seemed to bore one weakness apparently from what he could gather and it just so happened to be him...how the hell did that happen anyway? 

“Fine, your right, I’m sorry. Me bits are just magnetized to your bits though Alex, I can't help it!”  
She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the blush that erupted outwardly, so she playfully slapped his chest attempting a distraction. His eyes twinkled with delight..the bastard noticed it!

She sighed resigned to his playful antics, 

“Anyway... you naughty boy...we both agree then yeah... let's just bite the bullet and go public with `us` ...and then...well... and then we don't have to worry if you stay at mine or I stay at yours anymore or whatever?”

He leaned in to kiss her deliciously before pulling away “sounds spiffing Kingston...wanna play before we unleash the press parasites to our door”

She grabbed his book still lingering between them and threw it aside eagerly before claiming his lips to devour him whole, he moaned into her loving every curl of her tongue and every taste of her incredible essence. He thrust teasingly against her like he’d done before and she giggled into his mouth…” fucking magnetized bits Matt”   
They laughed and giggled as they made out on the sofa like horny teenagers...it was epic and he loved every goddamn second of it!


	11. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone want to know what happens next or shall i just leave it there??
> 
> LOL

The day after the news of their relationship broke was chaotic but manageable.   
They kept venturing outdoors to a minimum but smiled and answered any questions as they arose when they ever got caught out.   
The backlash that Alex had expected about their age gap was quite frankly minute if not shoulder shruggingly annoying, but easily picked away at like lint on a shirt.  
To her surprise and Matts complete maddening smugness most of the public were just intrigued and supportive of their new and exciting` River/Doctor Romance.`   
Apparently already being married on-screen had certain beneficial qualities and as for the age difference ...well... The Doctor was over a thousand years older than River after all...and Whovians went crazy for the compelling reality happening before their very enthusiastic eyes…  
”Are you Married River?”...yes that was printed on a fan t-shirt just outside the door this morning and she'd be lying if she said it didn't make her heart flutter just a trifle at the sheer thought of it all. 

They had both decided it would be best if Matt were to move into Alex’s place, it was bigger and Salome's UK home after all when she came over to stay.   
Matt didn't want to disrupt any of that and felt it important that she felt as comfortable as possible when she came to London given the change in circumstances. Having a new man to share her mother’s attentions however much she seemed to like Matt would be difficult enough he anticipated.  
They were going to move Matt’s stuff out of his dwelling slowly figuring there was no immediate rush in the process and then he was going to let the place off after it was clear of his belongings and re-decorated to freshen it a bit.

It was the start of a fresh new week and Matt had a meeting about his exciting new gig at the Theatre while Alex had some free time to herself. She decided that she was going to do a trip back to her home with a few of Matt's belongings that they had boxed up earlier the day before.   
Later on in the evening they had agreed to Meet up with Arthur for a coffee and cakes at their favorite local cafe and coffee shop `Dream Bean`.  
The meeting at the theatre went well and Matt felt really good and positive about the whole thing. He was really looking forward to getting started with it all actually, and not only that... he also felt content in the fact that he had the Film to look forward to at the end of the summer too. .So yes things were finally starting to come together again for him with work and such as he sat on the tube toying with different ideas on how to portray his theatrical character still fresh in his mind from the meeting.

His phone suddenly rang to disrupt his elevated thinking. Straight away he recognized the number.   
What the hell did he want?   
He wondered whether to answer at all but then thought better of it in case the bastard decided to pop over with a surprise visit.   
Taking a deep breath he answered short and harsh to the unwanted caller...

“WHAT?”

“Bit rude that Matt don't you think...you've got a real attitude lately mate!”

“I’m not your mate so make it quick i don't have time for your shit anymore! Why are you calling Daniel?”

“Kingston still got a tight leash on you I see ...No matter. Michael tells me he didn't get the part he wanted in `Crimson` but everyone else did...i don't suppose you know why that is, do you?

Matt scoffed, feeling more than irritated.. 

“Cos he's an unreliable nob who will undoubtedly show up late for work every day and hungover probably ...Or perhaps maybe its because he's just a thieving twat that gets his kicks out of doing someone else's psychotic bidding in order to gain favor with the nut job in charge ...i don't know, your guess is as good as mine. Is that all you wanted Dan because seriously, you know all that crap better than I do!”

The frustration began to growl through Dan's voice as he grew more agitated by the second, he really didn't like not knowing things.

“Look I’m warning you now Matt, if i find out that you and Alex fucking Kingston have been making the rounds with sacrificial emails towards our potential employees you will seriously regret it...Somethings going on Matt because i don't just get sacked from a job that i haven't even started yet because the producer has suddenly had a change of heart about my characters too tough facial structure...”

Matt fake laughed through the phone…

“Your delusional Dan! You need to sort it out and go see a psychiatrist or exorcist or something...perhaps they just have you figured out now and can see you for the intolerable wanker that you really are. So to just make it clear for you and your little idiotic sidekick... NO, we haven't said anything to anyone about anything because we don't actually need to Dan. You lost that little fucked up game of yours...get that...you lost it. And as you can clearly see in the rags, your little scheme to break Alex away from me never worked. We are stronger than ever now and for that, i guess i should thank you...   
Anyway enough of this shit, gotta go, it’s me stop. Have a shite life, Dan, I'm sure you'll make the most of it in some drug-induced oblivion!”

And with that Matt hung up.

He sighed, still pretty annoyed by the call that had rudely interrupted his pleasant thoughts as he got off at his stop.   
Walking in deep thought he gradually approached his home and brooded over his previous conversation with Alex and about how exasperated she looked when he had told her to just leave it alone.   
She wouldn't have gone against his wishes, would she? She was angry, yes, but they had both reached an agreement and that was meant to be the end of it.   
He walked in and shut the door, throwing his jacket over the stand in the hall.   
He looked in the living room to see if Alex was there then proceeded to the kitchen where he found her looking utterly beautiful as always, simply sat looking over a few scripts with a coffee. 

She lifted her head and her expression went from serious to doting in less than a second, as she stood instantly to greet him with a quick hug and a kiss.

“Hey... I missed you so bloody much, I'll boil the kettle... How did your meeting go?”

Matt smiled as she proceeded to go fill the kettle with some freshwater for him.

“Yeah was good love.I really like the director and he seems to like a lot of my ideas too. It sounds really fresh and new so it could either go one way or the other depending on public opinion...but either way, it's gonna be a lot of fun giving it a go despite the risks it entails”

She flicked the switch on the kettle and turned to him, walking to wrap her arms around his waist as it boiled,.

“Mmm, that's all that matters Matt...it really is. It's all about the fun and enjoyment at the end of the day because you really have to like what you're doing darling and your heart needs to be in it. That’s when you shine brightest and that's where you'll find comfort in your work too!”

Matt kissed her forehead tenderly 

“It seems i have a sexy psychiatrist in my mitts today...shouldn't I be lying down for this?”

She laughed and went to grab a cup from the cupboard.

“My insatiable man …. i love it...but later yeah, we're meeting Arthur soon remember.”

Matt sat down and grabbed one of Alex's scripts to give it a quick scan over as he spoke while she continued to make him a cuppa. 

“Yeah he texted to double-check he had the right day earlier...i told him it was fancy dress night but i don't think he believed me!”

“Matt he will never believe you ever again since you got him with that one the first time at Moffatts birthday when he came dressed as Davros”

Matt chuckled to himself still looking over the scripts.

“That was well funny...i was pissing myself for weeks over that one...don't pretend you weren't in hysterics with Kaz….i saw you both trying to hide your amusement in the corner before you came to tell me off !”

Alex rolled her eyes but couldn't help the increasing smirk across her face.

“Try anything like that with me and I'll send Karren to run you over with Davross wheels again...you do realize he had to sit for over two hours to get his face like that don't you? And then if that wasn't enough the eye in his forehead popped out into his bloody pint. Poor Arthur!”

Matt laughed further, his shoulders bouncing along with his giggles 

“See, yeah but he got the whole costume for a week though, it was well worth it Alex...even though Kaz hogged it the whole time on snack breaks to run us all over!”

Alex placed the cup of hot tea in front of Matt along with a packet of jammie dodgers, as she hastily took one out for herself knowing he could eat the whole half a packet within seconds of its appearance. She then plonked herself down into the chair opposite him.

“Yeah was fun i suppose wasn't it. They should have kept that thing on set to deliver coffees with like a cool mobile tea service!”

She smirked shaking her head at the memory and retrieved her script to continue where she had left off before Matt had arrived.  
There was a short silence as Matt Sipped his tea, his mind slowly backstepping to his previous conversation with Dan. Something was niggling inside.  
He cleared his throat unable to hold onto the annoying irritation any longer…

“Um Alex...you didnt...you haven't said anything to anyone about Daniel or Michael have you?”

She lifted her gaze pronto and dropped the script from her hands.

“What...err, what do you mean...why would you ever think that?”

Matt shrugged his shoulders trying to appear nonchalant but still curious about the whole thing all the same.

“Nothing...well not nothing. I just got a quizzical call from Daniel who seemed rather vexed about being dropped from a part so abruptly and questioning why Michael was dismissed just as easily out of his role...Obviously i told him to stop being delusional and go screw himself ...but...i ...well i just wanted to ask you, or let you know... or both i dunno!”

He was babbling now and Alex was panicking over her next course of action and it had to be quick...but she couldn't lie to him. There was no way she could do that.   
She chewed her bottom lip and her face told him everything that he needed to know from the contrite look in her eyes alone.

He leaned back heavily against the chair while absorbing thoroughly her guilt, it was clear that she’d done something. Running a hand through his hair quickly in shock realization. 

“Oh my god Alex please ...please tell me you didn't…”

She leaned forward immediately trying to gain back the closeness that he had already pulled away from her. She felt guilty and regretful by Matts instantly disappointed and hurt reaction at her.   
She tried desperately to plead her case.

“It was just a few emails that's all Matt. Just a handful of drug dealing rumors spread to lose them a few jobs...It was nothing but a warning that's all...just to let them know that we held the upper hand so they wouldn't try anything again.”  
She huffed throwing her hands in the air...  
“I had to do something for christ sakes!”

Matt screeched his chair away and stood pinching his brow…trying precariously to control his frustration and anger. 

“No Alex love, we discussed this didn't we?... We both came to an agreement to leave it and you went behind my back...to what...get revenge?... How does that even make you any better than they are Alex?”

Alex stood now her guilt flipping to anger as if some demon flicked coin in her consciousness 

“You're seriously putting me in the same box as those evil wankers because I did something rather than just sit back and let it go as if it were simply spilled milk. What was done was serious Matt...I know we agreed to forget it but I just couldn't do it ok... I’m not like you in that respect...i’m not a submissive nature Matt. They needed to be taught a lesson and what they inevitably got was incredibly lenient considering what the hell they deserve. You know that i could end their careers with a snap of my fingers if I wanted to, but I didn't did i? And it wasn't really about revenge as you so bluntly put it...Oh don't get me wrong, revenge is sweet, but it was beyond that… it was about protection at the end of the day... I’m trying to protect you Matthew!”

Matt laughed albeit not amused in the slightest

“PROTECTION….protection Alex...i don't need your fucking protection….do you have any idea how weak and un-fucking manly that makes me feel. I’m quite capable of fighting my own battles thank you very much but I just chose not to, and not because I was scared or impotent! I made a decision...NO, we made a decision together and you went behind my back Alex. Is this how it's going to be from now on love? Do you doubt my idiotic judgment so immensely that you feel incapable to be able to accept my resolve?   
You are not my chuffing mother Alex and I am not a helpless little child...I am quite capable of making adult decisions and if you didn't like them then you should have just told me so and not gone behind my back like i was some sort of halfwitted kid who had no idea how the real world works.”

Alex huffed and marched across the kitchen throwing her cup in the sink doing well not to smash it in the process…That was a first. She turned quickly from the sink suddenly feeling the need... She ached to release the cursing tension surging through her veins by any physical means necessary and the fruit bowl along with its varied contents of grapes, apples, and bananas was looking increasingly tempting and easily within her reach.  
She clenched her fist tight and white as she could as her own nails angrily pierced the skin in her palm.   
She needed to escape and quickly before she tore the whole house apart with her uncontrollable temper.  
She paced hurriedly past Matt to the door swiftly grabbing her car keys off the side in the process ...he quickly reached to grab her wrist in an effort to stop her escape.

“Alex Stop!”

She wrenched her wrist out of his grasp violently..

“Leave it Matt. I need to go home. Besides, i wouldn't want to smother you with my mothering-ness for a damn moment longer if that what you feel i do. Yes, I may have gone about this the wrong way ok... I get it... It's me isn't it….i always fucking do something to hang myself don't i?   
Why the hell do you think i’ve been divorced twice, why do you think they left? I tried to tell you I was unhinged at the beginning of all this but you wouldn't have it would you... I guess I should be used to all this drama caused by me by now ay. I’m sorry that I felt like I had to protect you but that's what you do when you love someone Matt, you protect them by any means necessary and that's all I could think of to do at the time! And I’m so frigging sorry if you feel belittled by me or inferior because i chose to make a horribly rash decision all on my own because i felt yours was just simply too inadequate, if anything at all... And i really am sorry that i couldn't stick by your flimsy passive decision because i couldn't forget how they run you ragged with alcohol and whores only to drug and fuck you without your concent...i know i was a shit friend who should have tried harder and should have been there for you to stop it all from ever happening in the first place….and if that's not enough I’m sorry that the monsters practically force-fed you those suicide pills only to then mess with both our heads like some fucked up game of mousetrap because the villain in charge has decided he doesn't want to release his obsessive claim over you. So I’m sorry that i defied our united discussion but it at least gave me some pleasure to give the bastard bullies a gentle shove back into the stinking pit they belong. It was something at least...but i guess that's what mothers do though don't they, silently phone the headmaster's to inform them of all the naughty boys in class to protect their young... Perhaps I should give you a sticker for having to put up with me if that's what you see. So I’m sorry ok Matt...for fucks sake I’m sorry for everything I've ever done!”

Tears were falling from her eyes as she let out a sob, but she wiped them away quickly as she tried to gather and harden herself against its further release.   
Matt stayed motionless and quiet feeling shocked and despondent by their sudden outburst of anguish, as her unvarnished words rattled around his brain like an air hockey puck.   
A complete mess of chaos, raw truth, and extensive emotion engulfed him internally.  
She brushed a curl with a shaky hand behind her ear as she spoke faintly through exhausted and emotional turmoil. 

“Tell Arthur I’m sorry I couldn't make it. I have a headache.”

She turned slowly to leave   
He reached out for her…

“Alex wait...please don't go”

Her head dropped but she didn't turn back. His heart ached for her, he felt her pain as much as his own... she took a deep steadying breath.

“Just leave me tonight darling please... we’ll talk in the morning ok i promise... I...I'm not angry at you Matt...I'm angry at me...just myself!”

And with that she left. As soon as he heard the front door click shut, his eyes closed as he rubbed a hand across his face ...what the hell just happened..?   
How had they gone from laughing aimlessly over a stupid chuffing Davoros costume to verbally ripping each other's hearts to shreds.   
She should not have done what she did against his wishes like that, no...but then again this was Alex he was talking about... this was one of the reasons why he loved her so much.   
She was unpredictable and chaotically challenging like the wind from the East. A force to be reckoned with and one who could not be tamed as her passion ran as wild and as rowdy like the unruly curls that enveloped her head.  
He swallowed hard and with painful regret in his gut recalling his words suggesting how she was behaving no better than them…but what she did she had only done only out of desperate idiotic love for him….to protect him, to ensure his path was free from hunters that would no doubt have shot him down again with piercing arrows if given half a chance.   
She was a warrior defending her tribe and it was her naturally driven nature as Alex to act impulsively on instinct.   
And what the hell was he thinking telling her that she was not his mother and to stop treating him like a child...Fucking hell why did he have to say that of all the things?   
That was the worst thing he could possibly say to her knowing her fragile reserve at the beginning of their relationship had been mostly about their age difference .   
Fuck What had he done…he needed to fix this, he couldn't loose her...she blamed herself for everything...everything that had ever happened to him.   
Did she still not know how much she meant , how important and wonderful she was? Not only to himself but the other people around her.   
People make mistakes...it's called life, his choices over the last two years have been undeniable proof of this fact.   
Sometimes the jigsaw is broken and has to be rebuilt and Alex lovingly decided to help him with his jigsaw. And like with any puzzling predicament sometimes he or she will get a piece in the wrong place, but in working together they can rearrange and eventually put it all back together again how it should be... he was certain of that fact. He couldn't do it without her.  
He needed her. He loved her for even trying to attempt something as challenging as himself. They were equals on that score for she was equally as challenging only in a different way.   
She made him laugh hysterically...she made him cry uncontrollably... she had the extraordinary and rare ability to open his sole bare and soothe it with a hot trail of delicate kisses... He could be fascinated and enchanted one minute and cursing or pulling his hair out the next...but always, always through it all she made him feel important. She made him feel special...she made him feel so irrefutably loved that the stars themselves were unequal to the amount of wonder and adoration he held for her.   
His Alex.

She needed her space tonight, he sincerely understood her request to calm herself, for he was no fool when he saw her targeting his fruit bowl like it was seconds away from succumbing to her wrath.  
He was silently grateful that she managed to hold onto her reluctant self-control this time and avoided splattering its contents along the pale cream backdrop behind him.   
That could be considered progress.   
The tea stain from the bedroom wall the other day was proving quite difficult to eradicate. Nevertheless, it was but a small price to pay for the love of his fiery Kingston.   
It was all about compromise.   
He may buy her a bunch of traditional greek smashing plates for Christmas he mused. Perhaps he should give it a go himself in actual fact...it did seem like a rewarding form of stress relief after all, far better than his fidget spinner.  
He decisively threw away his nervous doubts and focused all his positivity entirely onto tomorrow morning when he would march straight into their soon to be door to fix this...whatever it was.  
He would apologize profusely for the hurtful things he said without thought or consideration and then he would thank her wholeheartedly for being brave enough to make a stand against those that would do him harm. After that he would worship her in every bloody room of the house and in every way possible until she finally believed the truth of his words.   
Then finally when they were both fully sated and wrapped up naked in each other's embrace as they should be forever.   
All would be right with the world again. 

Matt eventually pulled himself together enough to drag his sorry arse over to the cafe to meet with Arthur as agreed.   
He was already sat at their favorite corner table with a coffee and book when Matt entered, munching on carrot cake. 

“Your suppose to leave the cake eating until after I arrive mate...There better be some left for me ya twat!”

Arthur lifted his head smiling but then scanning confusedly around for Alex. 

“Hey bud, couldn't wait for scrummies was starving...where's Alex did she have something better than me? That can’t be right”

Matt slumped into the chair opposite Arthur, grabbing the menu even though he knew exactly what he wanted to order having been there a thousand times before. 

“Oh um ...she said she was sorry she couldn't make it, but she had a headache...”

Arthur closed his book and put it to the side, his senses telling him something was up from the sorrowful tone of Matt’s voice.

“Oh ...that's a shame, they have her favorite lemon cupcakes in...you better get them to box her one up before you go!”

Matt half smiled and nodded his head just as the waiter arrived. He placed his order then grabbed a paper napkin which he proceeded to rip to shreds, until his cake and coffee arrived.

Arthur sighed, obviously noticing that something was definitely wrong.

“Go on then...tell me what's happened”

Matt continued to look down and rip his paper napkin making small balls out of the pieces like he was preparing ammunition to shoot out of a straw.

“We fell out a bit... Well...um...more than a bit, she went home for the night without me!”

“Ok...um, Why?”

“ I may have said some things that i knew she was already delicate about and it just tipped her over the edge i guess...I didn't realize how much strain she held looking after me through all this Arthur. It must have been hard for her...helping me to get better or wondering if I would ever attempt anything like it again. All that worry...she’s had a lot of responsibility since I appeared in LA ill on her doorstep and it's not her fault, she was just scared for me and I yelled at her for putting a safeguard in place that she deemed necessary”

“Shit...she does always try to appear stronger than she actually is...What started it all Mate?”

“I can't explain it all Arthur... it's far too complicated and more than that I really don't want to explain it... its too deep. But let's just say that she did something against my wishes... but what she did she only did it in order to protect me from any future harm and the way I handled it could have been better knowing how insecure Alex truly is at heart.”

Arthur nodded understanding and not wanting to press the private matters that were clearly very personal to them, but still wanting to support his close friends if he could. 

“We all say things in the heat of the moment Mate and I’m sure Alex more than anyone understands that. She'll come around eventually Matt she loves you too much not to...anyone can see that!”

Matt looked up concern and worry etched his features. 

“Oh god i hope your right Arthur...she's everything to me, i don't know what id do without her in my life”

Arthur chanced an encouraging smile to ease his friend's suffering somehow.

“I’m sure she feels the same way and is missing you already, she just needs to cool down a bit, break a few pots...and let's be honest I’ve heard makeup sex is one to truly behold...you lucky bastard!”

Matt scoffed finally allowing a small chuckle to escape his lips…  
Arthur was a good friend and it was nice to have him firmly in place in his life again without the worry of invading or unwanted guests anymore.   
They continued to chat about things and eventually went off-topic to converse about other matters and even though it was nice sitting with Arthur, Matt's mind was stuck inwardly primarily concerned about how Alex was doing.   
He ached to see her. He hoped he could give her until morning but that firm stance of his was slowly beginning to flounder somewhat.  
His phone rang out making him jump through the blur of Arthurs chatter and his heart jumped in the hopes that it would be her voice on the other side as he scrambled to retrieve it.   
It was Michael's number that turned his hope to despair.  
He pressed End Call immediately and continued his discussion with Arthur over some mutual Comic-Con dates they had planned...A few seconds later it called again and Arthur pointed across. 

“You better just get that mate”

Matt sighed as he agitatedly answered the unwelcome caller.

“What do you want Michael?”

Arthur pulled a face and leaned back in his chair, eyebrows raised, while Matt shook his head rolling his eyes back at his friend in their silent brotherly communication.   
probably both thinking the same thing about the guy on the line…`Slimy Motherfucker`!

“Matt...shit ...is Alex with you...where is she?”

“What??... That's none of your business...now fuck off!”

Blunt, but to the point!

“NO..., MATT WAIT...Fuck..don't hang up please?”

“What the hell do you want then Mike?”

“Its Dan...he’s fucking gone crazy Matt...he found out from Boyles secretary that Alex sent a bloody email that lost him a job...Shit, Matt... he was drugged up off his head and punching walls... saying he was going to burn her fucking house down...I couldn't stop him Matt, I know we've played some fucked up things before...but he's going to fucking seriously hurt someone now…. he's going to go too far..Christ...If he finds her Matt...Fuck...god you didn't see him Matt, he's seen fucking Red and there was no stopping him...not this time!”

Matt didn't respond in words. His face paled simultaneously as his gut clenched and he gasped, pushing out of the chair like his arse was on fire and grabbed Arthurs shirt pulling him along to stumble bewilderedly after him. 

“What the hell Matt?”

He spoke almost breathlessly through his words willing his panicked ridden body to focus a second….

“Its Alex…...Dan…...i thinks he's going for Alex”


	12. Dead?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chaotic in your face chapter to say the least... I'm not too sure about how i wrote it...and to be honest im not too happy with it and struggled to get it right...oh well this is the best i could do...i guess im not that good and intense fight scenes LOL  
Would love your input good or bad x

When Alex got home she wasted no time running the bath and pouring practically half the bottle of bubble bath into the tub. She was drained and tired and wanted nothing more but to put on her comfiest pajamas and crawl into her now incredibly lonely bed to will the last few hours away from her mind.  
She sank un-blissfully into the mass of white foam bubbles longing for his arms to wrap around her waist like they had done so quite a few times on many such occasions of a luxury filled tub.  
He wasn't there though. There was no loving embrace or the warmth of his skin against her skin as she leaned back against the coldness of the cast iron.  
This was all her fault. She knew it would happen eventually deep down inside.  
He was always too good for her! He was beautiful and kind and funny and charismatic...she was far too immature, too impulsively unattainable for him. He must have regrets now surely. She’d gone behind his back without consent and the look on his face when he realized her blatant betrayal of their understanding was one primarily of disappointment before hurt, then anger.  
How could he ever trust her again after that? 

Her existence up until now had been molded by bastard beings of liars, cheaters, and disillusionment of course on their half. It was only a matter of time before she succumbed to the infliction they had thrown upon her before she recklessly threw it all upon somebody else.  
Is that what this had become?... Pass the parcel...they hurt her, she, in turn, hurts Matt and so on and so forth.  
She didn't know what would happen in the morning. She knew Matt had already forgiven her, for he had wanted her to stay, to talk things over promptly. He was always so quick off the mark... so swift to acquit people like that.  
But as always she ran...she ran because she felt unworthy of his forgiveness. 

She climbed out of the bath that wasn't at all relaxing in the slightest due to all the turmoil pounding around in her head and she dressed solemnly into her coziest checkered print PJs as a few lingering tears fled her eye sockets. This called for chocolate...bloody typical she had none.  
She climbed into bed with a book. It was dark outside but still pretty early, though she neither cared nor acknowledged the time of the clock beside her.

She had been reading for a little over ten minutes when the doorbell rang making the heart within her jump out of its cage like a jack in a box.

“Christ”

(`Matt?..Impatient as always she mused. Of course...the guy was incapable of handling such cliffhangers`)  
He had a key though... he must have forgotten... the lovable idiot.  
She shook her curls while rolling her eyes and swung the covers back, taking a deep breath to prepare herself somehow for the inevitable attack of his irresistible charms.  
She then padded barefoot down the hallway, switching on the lights as she went to make her way down the stairs, feeling the chill of the cold winter's night even through the confines of the house.  
She unlocked the door with her heart already jumping for joy and already desperately eager to be reunited with its counterpart no matter what the hell her head thought she was doing.  
She opened it wide and full with expectancy.  
That was a mistake!

It was Dan…(`Dan with a can...shit that rhymes...What's ...what is that fuel in there?  
Has he broke down?... Does he need to make a call?..Why is he looking at me like that.. all wild-eyed and blazing like a scene from The Shining... `Heeerrrre’s Johnny` ...What...Is that blood on his fists?…`)  
Before Alex could deduce anymore over the disturbing sight before her it was all too little too late. 

“Hello, Miss Kingston. I was just in the neighborhood and though i would have fun burning this house down...imagine my surprise and sheer delight when i saw your car in the driveway...you have no idea how happy that makes me feel. “

Alex’s heart pounded in her ears as she realized the severity of his words and the obvious fury spewing through his skin like toxic fumes intended on dissolving her into a mass of unrecognizable inners.  
She took a sharp intake of breath before she rushed to slam the door, but he was too fast, too strong and too big to discourage.  
He forced his way through pushing her back as he slammed the door behind him with his foot. 

“Oh no you don’t...Me and you are going to have a little fun see...i never thought for one moment I'd be lucky enough to get you on your own. I feel so bloody privileged Alex...Now i know how dear little Matt feels, your pretty incredible aren't you?… Certaintainly outsmarted me didn't you with your clever little messages.”

Alex took two carefully placed steps backwards, observing the situation more fully with haste...her eyes scanning over every detail like a 007 Agent after a thousand cans of Red Bull.  
The blocked doorway behind him…` ESCAPE`.  
The distance she was from her phone where she thinks she left it on the side table next to the sofa... `NO TIME`  
How fast her legs could carry her to the knife rack in the beautiful new kitchen...` RISKY`  
Matt could still show up?... `EATING CAKES WITH ARTHUR...SHIT`  
She could talk him out of this... `BUY TIME...FUCK!`  
She was afraid, of course she was... but she was strong...she had to be strong. Actress.  
She folded her arms, stood up straight and square and held out her chin in certain defiance. Her body still trembled no matter how hard she tried to portray herself outwardly but she stubbornly ignored that uncontrollable treacherous bodilly function...She had no choice.  
She spoke as one would on a stage in the Theatre, clear and loud and strong with the force of confidence that made you just sit up and pay attention.

“You can't expect to do things to others Daniel and not expect any consequences to your actions...Honestly did your mother not teach you anything?”

He smirked, raising his eyebrows at her willful defiance. Quite a woman.

“Ohh, Touche Alex...but she didn't actually though, no... bitch left when I was four...lucky me!”

“Oh?...I’m sorry that happened to you, truly i am...is that the only reason you are as you are because your mummy left when you were an innocent little child?  
Because if that's the only reason you're a fucking bastard, it's the crappest thing I’ve ever heard in my life!”

Daniel carefully placed the can of fuel down by the doorway and took a step forward to Alex. She swallowed hard but held her ground and herself well otherwise. 

“Oh no...nothing so dull and pathetically as normal as that Alex. Does there have to be a reason for a person's actions in all reality?... People are so futile that the only fun you can sometimes get out of them is to simply play games with them Alex”

“Hmm, I can imagine your bedroom is filled with barbie dolls and dress-up kits to this day...how quaint”

He laughed despicably... 

“Matt loved all the life-sized dolls in my room Alex... Did he tell you? Did he tell you how we use to ride them all together like wild knights of London? How Many he fucked...how many mouths sucked his cock...how he came in front of me as bitches rode him relentlessly into euphoria. How, his eyes always succumbed to mine through his beautiful release? He loved it Alex...he craved it. He loved that best of all being shagged by someone else while staring at me...he fucking wanted me Alex and i fucking took him as he wanted and he loved it Alex and he would have loved it more if you hadn't fucking shown up.”

Alex felt sick hearing him talk about Matt like that, knowing how much Matt hated everything that Daniel was saying he loved...Dan was delusional, obsessed and dangerous...She knew it with certainty now...She was scared...absolutely justifiably terrified of what this Man that forced his way into her home was capable of...what he could do.  
His vile words stabbed her like a thousand knives and he loved it...he lived for the pain he inflicted upon others...he was pure and simply...a psychopath!!  
She dropped her arms and took another step backward...which the bastard counteracted as he stepped forward again. 

“Dan just stop this now ok...your drunk on drugs and not thinking straight... you're going to end up in prison Daniel. Your life will be over... is that what you want?  
Think about what you're doing here, it's beyond crazy... you're going too far and this is by no means normal behavior... you need help.”

He leered.

“Nah...don't think so princess...nobody messes with me and gets away with it see. I came here to do something Alex and that's exactly what I'm going to do... it's your fault you were here and its Matts fault he wasn't here to protect you from it all.  
Oh, what a tear-jerking romance this one is...i always hate the scripts when the other half dies. all that effort and struggle and fighting for love only to have it all whisked away because the writer wants the fucking audience to feel something.  
That's sick that is, fucking depressing emotional shit ending with death!...but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to get that Oscar.“

The tension was jolted as Alex’s phone rang out from the living room and her eyes flicked to the doorway quickly...Dan's eyes did the same.  
She stopped breathing as it kept ringing out like a siren on bomb day, her eyes dancing between the open doorway and back to Dan in what felt like an eternity.  
There was nothing for it...she needed help and fast....even if she couldn't talk, if she could just answer and leave the line open so they could hear that she was in trouble.  
She had to make a run for it, there was no other way.  
She shot for the open doorway like hell for leather, scrabbling through Dan's outstretched fingers with her delicate frame nimbly outsmarting him, as he tried furiously to stop her. 

She ran to the living room and grabbed the phone from the side table desperately trying to focus on the device in her frantically shaking fingers. But before she could press anything her body was brutally tackled banishing all air from her lungs as they both came crashing violently through the glass coffee table beside the sofa...  
The phone in her hand flew away and she tried desperately and frantically to reach it ...it had stopped calling but that didn't stop her fight ...as she scrambled below Dan's overbearing heaviness to reach for the only lifeline within her sight.  
He fought to grab both her thrashing wrists trying to pin her down like a rabid dog.  
He eventually took hold tightly to restrain her as he straddled heavily above her hips.

“FUCKING BITCH...YOU'RE DONE FOR...NOBODY's COMING FOR YOU ALEX...NOT EVEN HIM...HE CANT SAVE YOU. YOUR ALREADY DEAD PRINCESS!”

The phone started ringing again as she struggled breathlessly still trapped beneath him helpless against his overbearing size and weight...her body already failing against the sheer un-relentless strength of the monster above her.  
Tears filled her eyes as she succumbed to her end...This was it... This was how she was going to die...by the hands of a madman...alone in her home.

She gasped desperately ...her energy reserves depleting rapidly and feeling too panicked to notice the blood slowly seeping out from under her as she was held down firmly over the crushed glass beneath her skin.. 

“Stop…...Dan…..please…. Stop it”

He looked down to her with menacing eyes his focus obscenely leaving her face to linger over the rise and fall of her heaving chest.  
(`Oh god...please no…`)  
He licked his lips …

“Hmm...So this is what it's like to sit high above the legendary feisty Miss Alex Kingston.”

She struggled again desperately and growled spitting venom.  
He chuckled at her now particularly weak yet still very admirable attempt of defiance.

“You really are something to behold Alex, I’ve never known such a wild spirit before, such fire from a woman or anybody for that matter. Do you ever fucking just give up?... Is this what Matt likes….though i can clearly see why he would.  
Your fascinatingly intoxicating aren't you?... I think i would very much like a taste of it for myself though to see what I’ve been missing.  
We did always share our toys Alex”

Her eyes widened...She would rather die.

His hand grasped both her wrists as his other slowly ran down and slipped below her tartan buttoned shirt and up to her bare breasts.  
She screamed and fought with everything she had left within her, adrenaline surging through her body so powerful that she imagined she could power a rocket to space with the colossal force of it all.  
A hand broke free and she wasted no time before she punched it forcefully against his face gratifyingly feeling the crush of his nose beneath her mutually pained fingers.  
He slumped over instantly shocked while grasping his face quickly as she managed to scramble a little further away.  
She skillfully gathered her legs beneath her as her bare feet crushed helplessly over the broken fragments of shattered glass, but before she could gain any sort of momentum to run for it, he grabbed one of her legs sending her crashing back down to the unlit fireplace.

Dan stood growling like an outraged Rottweiler wiping the blood from his face on his sleeve…

“FUCKING BITCH!”

There was no movement from Alex, as she lay there silently face down with her blood-soaked back clearly visible and now obvious head wound probably caused by the edge of the innocent marble hearth beside her.

Dan bent down and leaned over to look at her for a moment.  
There was nothing...no movement, no noise and her eyes were comfortably closed like they were never to open again.

“Shit!...”

He backed away slowly when reality suddenly struck as if waking from an unorthodox dream and as if he had only just realized where he was and what he had done.  
He had killed Alex Kingston. He had killed her in cold blood. She had died by his hand ...He was a murder and was to spend the rest of his life in a prison cell...famous not by TV or Films...but by Death….her death.

She was still winning….  
No NO NO NO….NO.  
She cant win...NO no no...

He ran out to the hallway and grabbed the fuel can he’d left waiting for him by the front door. They wouldn't know it was him...fire destroys everything...they could never no... Michael would be his alibi if ever he needed one.  
He poured the fuel all the way from the doorway down the hall and to the kitchen...a straight line through the center of the house would do it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur had just finished his hands-free 999 call, alerting them to potential trouble at Kingston’s Residence.

“.....Drive faster Arthur!!!”

“I’m trying Mate...The police are on their way ...what the hells going on...i don't understand what’s happening here”

“Pick up, pick up, pick up ...Argh answer goddamn it….she’s not answering... why isn't she answering?….Put your food down for fuck's sake Arthur.” 

“I'm doing 55 in a 30 zone Matt, i just got flashed...Whats Alex done to Daniel anyway? The guys a knob but he’s not dangerous, what's he gonna do pee on her flower beds” 

Arthur chanced a glance over to Matt while trying to navigate the road ahead...they had been halfway to Alex’s from the coffee shop and it was barely a ten-minute drive from there, but that to Matt felt like a gut-wrenching eternity.  
Matt looked petrified as he continued to be oblivious to Arthur's questioning while frustratedly trying to call Alex again. Everything upon his face told Arthur that Daniel was more than he appeared to be and that he could truly be a serious threat.  
This could be bad!

“Please Kingston...please...just pick up, pick up, I’m sorry...please!”

They rounded the corner only to see Dans Flash BMW parked on the unlit curb outside of Alex's private driveway.  
Matt cursed expletives and frantically undid his seatbelt, itching forward, long before they reached the top of the driveway. He then opened the door launching himself out to the gravel way before Arthur had fully come to a stop. Then bolted up the pathway like hounds were nipping at his ankles and grabbed hold of the shiny brass handle pulling the door nearly off its hinges as he flung it wide.  
He stopped dead in his tracks with a gasp.  
His eyes widened in horror to another pair of panicked stricken wide eyes staring right back into his from the other side of the now soaked fume ridden hallway. Dan with an upside-down can of fuel in his tightening white grip.  
It was spine-chillingly quiet...Where was Alex? 

Matt was breathless and not at all from running...the compounding uncertainty was indescribable as every scenario he could possibly imagine ran through his head like a bullet to his brain.  
His fear for his precious Alex’s safety now dominantly claimed by anxious doubt over her uncharacteristically deafening silence.  
The only thing he knew for certain now was that the oncoming storm was already here as fear and anger became one with each other. His words fought their way out aggressively and through clenched teeth. 

“Where is she?

Arthur rushed up behind Matt not realizing that he had stopped dead in the hallway and accidentally collided against him making him stumble forward a step or two.  
Matt was unphased and intensely focused on the bastard in front of him, his eyes never deviating from the path of his intended target.

He spoke again with a disturbing level of calmness but with a distinct level of fury that could burn a planet to its core. 

“What did you do Daniel?... Where... Is... Alex?”

Daniel was quiet and motionless as if stuck momentarily on pause...but Matt’s anger unleashed as he was unnerved and infuriated by the persistence of Dans continued and prolonged silence ...Dan finally flinched as Matt broke loose from his vocal chains.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?”

There were a few seconds more for Dan to recover from Matt's verbal slap in the face before he finally engaged with him...His one and only word echoing down the diesel scented hallway as if he were but a ghost calling out from the shadows.

“Dead!”.....

Daniel dropped the can suddenly and plunged his hand into his pocket pulling out his filthy well-used lighter...but it was all too slow an attempt to gain control of the situation as Matt was already upon him, crashing him down to the ground with a crazed rugby tackle through the doorway on to the solid stone floor of the kitchen…. Where he proceeded to clamber above the fucker like a man possessed by the devil himself.  
Matt became blood-thirsty, almost inhuman and with Murderous intent...lost in himself... in that one brutal word `Dead`, stuck in his head like a terminal tumor never to recover.  
He pummeled Dan viciously into the ground with his fist clenched and thrashing mercilessly like rocks of sheer steel. He felt nothing but rage burning within him.  
The man below him tried but was powerless to fight back. He couldn't do anything at all but accept his penance of the violent beating being inflicted upon him from the merciless thunderous storm of the man above. 

“I’LL KILL YOU...I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU RIGHT NOW YOU BASTARD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE...ILL KILL YOU!”

There were sirens echoing in the distance, it meant nothing…Then Arthur's voice broke through the cloud but it sounded so distant as he called out through the avalanche of Matt's desperate unyielding despair. 

“MATT…..!”

“ARGH ...I'LL KILL HIM ARTHUR ..HE KILLED HER ...I'LL KILL HIM”

“NO MATT...STOP ...STOP MATT...HELP, SHE NEEDS HELP...PLEASE”

The words took less than a second to soak through…(`She...needs.. Help`), he turned abruptly as Daniel’s battered body was instantly forgotten.  
Matt’s face one of shock and horror as he saw his best friend holding the limp and bloodied body of the woman he loved.  
Arthur Fell to his knees with her cradled in his arms.  
He had found Alex beside the fireplace amid trails of scattered glass and wood.  
Matts violent screaming a reverberation of his own distressed state, but his decision to move her had been swift and strongly motivated by the acute smell of diesel filling his nostrils. `Danger`...  
Now he pleaded for his friend to stop his rampage before he went too far…. He needed him to stop for Alex...she was here, she was unconscious and she needed him now.

“Shes alive Matt….help...shes...she’s breathing...shes alive!”

(`Alive ...breathing`)

The sirens were getting closer but all Matt could focus on now was the surreal vision of his beautiful curly Angel and her tattered blood-stained pajamas, her small fragile feet scratched and probably in need of warmth. His warmth.  
He clambered off Daniel like he was nothing but a confounded lumpy beanbag and how his legs carried him over to Arthur he did not know. He fell to his own weekend knees and immediately claimed her into his own desperate arms like she was simply a sleeping child to be carried to her room.  
After a quick glance over to Dan still out cold in the kitchen, Arthur tapped Matt's shoulder before he ran out towards the screaming sound of the sirens that had arrived simultaneously from behind the door.

“She's gonna be ok... she safe now Matt!”

Matt didn't hear anything as he pulled her cold form possessively into his chest while he kissed her head delicately avoiding the prominent bump he’d just discovered there.  
He whispered aching words to her unconscious body, while he held her close willing his warmth over her chilled skin like a quilt... 

“ I love you. I'm here. I'm sorry. It's ok now...you're ok. I've got you. You're safe. Wake up...wake up Kingston...please... Wake up... I love you. God, I love you so much...come back to me, please...come back!”

“Matt ...?”

The sound of her fragile voice soaked through his skin like a sponge and replaced his shattered black heart with the blinding light of her phenomenal glow once more.  
He looked to her face with utter relief to see those big beautiful emeralds staring right back into him with nothing but question amid the ruins of war.  
No panic,...no fear,...no urgency to move. Just strangely content as if waking embraced with her lover…` him`...on a lazy Sunday morning with nothing to do but be. 

Her name fell off his lips with overwhelming liberation that he felt within …He gasped...

“Alex…”

Then he smiled, bringing a tender hand to brush a curl gently behind her ear, he loved her curls so friggin much.

Her brow furrowed as one of her hands grasped his shirt weakly but contented to feel that he really wasn't a hallucination. 

“What...what sort of time do you call th... this?”

A laugh broke loose at the endearing familiarity she voiced, she was already trying to put him at ease...Tears fell gratefully from his eyes as he kissed her gently.

“S...sorry love...traffic was hell. “

She smiled lovingly and it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen knowing that he had very nearly lost his chance to ever see that look of love on her face ever again.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this story peeps, it was quite a challenge this one but i got through it.  
My next new fic should be up later next week, its my first Doctor/ River story and will be set on Gallifrey ...eeek

Alex had been brought to her own private hospital room in the early hours of the morning.  
Her back had been stitched where needed and the small fragments of glass still embedded in her skin had been removed.  
The CT scan on her head was a primary concern to everyone but everything proved fine on that front in the end and the only problem she would suffer from was a concussion, which she was already being treated for after being sick once in the Ambulance on the way to the hospital and then again when they wheeled her for the CT Scan.  
Matt was beside himself with worry having never seen Alex ill before.  
They also had to treat her for shock of course and Arthur had to spend most of his time consoling Matt while she was being treated and helping him speak with the police about what had happened with Daniel.  
Matt gave the police a slightly edited version of events telling them everything that he knew had happened and all the twisted games that had involved the two girls at Arthurs Open night at the Theatre and Michaels stealing his wallet at the Audition. Everything apart from the non-consensual sex that Dan had inflicted upon him.  
Perhaps one day ...but today wasn't that day!

Daniel had been brought to the hospital in a separate ambulance of course to have his battered face looked at and he required a few stitches in his nose.  
They could clearly see he had been on drugs, but that didn't excuse the fact he had nearly killed Alex.  
The police were waiting to take him into custody after the doctors had finished with his treatment. 

Alex was now sleeping or sedated when Matt was eventually able to take Alex’s hand in his once again...finally allowing himself to feel some form of relief that she was going to be okay.  
The wait for her to return was utter torture but she looked better than he thought she would and she felt warmer to the touch too which was a comfort after the last time he had held her cold limp frame.  
He leaned over to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. 

“How's she doing?”

Arthur spoke quietly as he walked in bringing a Hot coffee over for Matt who smiled as he took it with his free hand, unwilling to release her from his touch with his other.

“Thanks Mate...Yeah she’s ok...The Doc said she's gonna be sore for a while but fine overall...just needs to rest...she will hate that!”

Arthur gave a gentle smile and pulled up a chair.

“Good ...told you she’d be fine didn't i?... Strong as an Ox that one...indestructible as ever!”

Matt scoffed and nodded easily agreeing with his friend.  
Alex was definitely the strongest person he had ever known in his life. It was an encouraging thought as to how she would cope mentally after all this trauma.  
He was determined to hold her up knowing that she would never willingly ask for help when she inevitably would stumble at some point in the days or weeks and months to come. 

Arthur pointed at Matts bruised and swollen knuckles… 

“You should get your hands checked mate.”

Matt shook his head instantly...

“Nahhh, perhaps later Arthur, I’m ok, I don't wanna leave her…”

Alex stirred suddenly with a slight moan and her grip tightened in Matts hand as she slowly opened her eyes to an eagerly waiting but still very concerned face of her guy.  
She smiled weakly to him still feeling a bit drugged up by the medication they had given her.  
Her voice was a bit gravelly.

“Hey..”

Matt put his coffee on the side carefully and leaned in.

“Hey sweetheart how are ya feeling. “

She rolled her eyes ...and Matt chuckled instantly relaxing at the all too familiar expression she exhibited.

“Oy Kingston...that's what people always say when someone wakes up in hospital don't they?... You should be impressed... I even sent Arthur out to get ya some grapes from the gift shop earlier love!”

He looked to Arthur for a little support and he just laughed holding his hands up…

“Don't look to me ya twat...i don't wanna be involved in any of your domestics.”

He stood up smiling and leaned over to give Alex a soft kiss on her cheek…

“I’ll go find some proper food to feed him Alex...he wasn't satisfied with eating all of your grapes... and please, for christ sakes order him to get his bloody hands checked out will you?”

Alex nodded and smiled...Arthur was a godsend to them both, he was tenacious when it came to his friends. She loved him for that.

“Thanks for staying and helping us Arthur, it means more than you know”

He blushed at the compliment feeling slightly flustered in the moment, but offered a cheeky wink and left quietly before he cried like a baby.

Alex immediately lifted the hand that was currently in her possession to examine the unexpected damage Arthur was referring to.  
She looked shocked at the mess and rawness of his bare knuckles.  
She had no idea what had happened after she was rendered unconscious, but could easily guess how Matts hands came to look as they did.  
Matt sighed at her worried expression. 

“Matt...hes right you need to get this looked at. “

He scoffed, 

“Yeah well ...you should see the other guy..”

Alex did not find that amusing in the slightest and Matt swallowed his words as soon as he spoke them.  
He swallowed.

“Sorry Kingston”

She struggled to sit up a bit already feeling sick of lying down.  
Matt helped her adjust back onto the pillows which he placed carefully behind her bandaged back before she uttered.

“It's not your fault Matt!”

He sighed heavily, looking away and down briefly.

“I wished I had killed him Alex ...I wanted to...I still do!”

She looked to him saddened while reaching for him to turn his face as he obliged and leaned into her tender caress. 

“Don’t darling... Don't say that... I’m glad you didn't! it’s not who you are...It would have hurt you more than him in the end”

He rubbed his brow. The tension of events clearly catching up with his shattered body...

“I could have stopped this somehow ...I should have been there Alex...i should have protected you...it was my fault ...maybe if i had just ...!”

Tears escaped her eyes…

“Stop it Matt...please... stop it!”

He came closer quickly running his hand through her tangled hair pained to see her upset from his words.  
He silenced himself immediately not knowing the right things to say, so he placed his head on her shoulder to hug her gently as his arm draped across her waist in a comforting gesture.  
After a few minutes listening to her soft sniffles, he could bear it no more.

“Shhh...its ok... I’m sorry love ..i didn't mean to…”

She composed herself once again and wrapped her arm around him lovingly. 

“Don't you ever blame yourself! Promise me you won't Matt...This was his doing, not yours...Promise me Matt i need you to say it and believe it!”

He swallowed heavily

“I promise Alex!”

She took a deep relaxing breath and kissed his head that still rested on her shoulders, feeling safe as he clung to her like she clung to him. 

Matt brooded, he needed to know something that had been eating him alive since they got to the hospital.  
The Doctors had said she would be ok, but did not actually tell him much about what had actually happened.  
They needed to speak with Alex first he guessed...but he needed to know.  
At least in this moment he wasn't looking into her eyes as he asked it.

“Alex”

“Hmm”

“I need to know sweetheart... and the answer won't affect how much i love you...it won't i promise you… but... i need to know... Dan...did he...did he force himself onto you Alex?...Did he...um...did he….did he rape you sweetheart?”

Alex’s grip tightened on Matts arm as she tensed and he feared the worst for a torturous moment.  
She moved carefully so Matt adjusted to sit up and she looked back into his eyes, but still maintaining a firm hold of his hands in hers. 

“No darling...No... he didn't...He.. he tried... but i got free!”

Matt’s shoulders slumped in silent relief.

She swallowed dryly, feeling sick at the flashback of Dans filthy hand crawling up her top to cover her breast. She closed her eyes, but Matts gaze held firm in a comforting gesture as he rubbed his thumb gently over her hand... sensing her immediate unease.  
He knew all too well how flashbacks could hurt and interfere with the present...but he would support her always as she had always done him.

She brightened slightly in remembrance...this one more satisfying as it came to her..and she opened her eyes again...

“I...i think i broke his nose!”

Matt couldn't help but break out into a smile at that little golden revelation.  
It was by no means a happy occasion but the sense of great pride that filled him just then was indescribable.  
His beautiful, brave, Kingston...so fierce, she constantly amazed him with her undeniable strength.

”That's my girl!”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A month had come and gone by the time Alex and Matt finally moved into a bigger house as they had planned.  
Matt could see Alex was nervous but determined about it.  
She loved her London home and had a lot of happy memories there with Salome growing up and wasn't going to let what that arsehole had done deter her away from it.  
The hall had been refurbished and re-carpeted along with the living room too.  
Alex knew there wasn't much damage in there, but she felt like it needed a good makeover through fear of flashbacks of its familiarity.  
Also if this was to be her and Matt’s UK home together she wanted Matt to feel like he belonged there too and was allowed to put his own stamp on things.  
Besides that...he was an incredibly talented interior designer that she had no qualms about putting that little hidden talent to good use.  
Both she and Matt decided it was a good idea to see a Therapist after a couple of weeks and even though Matt felt a bit closed off to the idea at first for himself...when Alex suggested that they could both do it together as a couple he instantly relaxed at the thought.

They had been in the big house a little over a week and everything felt good knowing that Dan was locked safely behind bars .  
The only thing that cropped up every now and again was when there was a knock or ring at the door that Alex wasn't expecting...This would cause an immediate panic attack at first and Matt cursed the postal service with a great variety of creative profanity inside his head.  
The attacks were slowly easing now though after their frequent visits to their joint Therapy sessions and Matt had also made sure to let as many people know if they would be popping over for visits to make as few unexpected callers as possible...much to Alex’s huffing and puffing at Matt’s over-protectiveness.  
There had been no lovemaking since Alex had been hospitalized only tender kisses and hugs had been shared.  
So now snuggled on the sofa together after a nice rare Chinese takeaway treat and watching a movie that bore no interest to her when she had the most amazing guy on the planet beside her.  
Alex began to place small delicate kisses along his neck as she snuggled closer to Matt with intent. He hummed in delight at the feel of her soft and inviting warmth.

“Mmm that feels nice ...but you're missing the film love!”

She continued her ministrations...advancing further with small peppering kisses sending shivers down Matt's spine and as heat straight to his groin at the exquisite feel of her adoring lips on his skin.

“Which is...more worthy... of your attention darling!”

Matt scoffed at her playfulness and pulled her straight over to sit in his lap her hand instantly wrapping itself behind his head to twiddle with his hair like a comforter..

“Always you sweetheart…”

He then proceeded to sing a small endearing serenade in a whispered song to her ear, that that wasted no time in making her heart flutter…” you are always on my mindddd...you are always on my mind...”

She smiled and giggled as she snuggled deeper into his chest for a cuddle.  
After a moment she sighed and Matt could sense something was troubling her...they had become so powerfully attuned to each other this last month. Yes, they were always attuned to one another before...but now even more so...like sole mates if there was such a thing.

“What's wrong Alex?...Tell me”

She continued to play with the hair on the back of his neck but looked up to him.

“I’m not made of glass Matt...i won’t break you know...”

Matt sighed knowing he had been holding off from his bodily advances as he wanted her to heal physically of course, but he was also incredibly cautious over her mental wellbeing. Perhaps a little more than was actually needed when he thought about it. 

“...I know Alex... I’m sorry love”

“My back is fine Matt...There's nothing wrong with me...unless...you think there is?”

“What?...No of course not Alex, your so bloody beautiful and i love you so, so much sweetheart. I was just scared of pushing things, pushing you into something you weren't ready for. I was just uncertain and i should have just asked you shouldn't i...?”

“You can push me into anything you like Matt... especially against the cold tile wall under a hot shower in the mornings!”

Matt laughed wholeheartedly...God, she was perfect. 

He lifted her off his lap enthusiastically as she yelped and laid her down on the sofa then dutifully swept across her body holding off his weight with his arms as not to crush her. 

“Oh my bad, bad girl...i think i may very well take you up on that offer ya know Miss Kingston!”

“Ohhh please do Doctor” 

She winked cheekily.

“Ya know Alex ...this is a nice new sofa, it looks good and fits in perfectly, but I think it needs testing out to ensure the quality is up to satisfactory standards!”

Alex loved when Matt did this...making up his own little script knowing full well where it would lead them.

“Hmm...well how do you suggest we do that Mr Smith...perhaps we could test the softness of the fabric under our naked skin?”

Matt smirked and leaned in to kiss her lips teasingly as she played along enthusiastically. 

“Hmm, yes...i chose this fabric very carefully Kingston for its unique softness, i hope it's up to quality and I also think we should check the cushion comfort levels...I hope it's not too firm though... I always like a bit of bounce “

He thrust to insinuate his meaning which was entirely too obvious.

Alex laughed finally getting what she wanted it appeared! Her confidant and playful Mr Smith was back...She felt like the luckiest woman alive right now. 

“I love you!”

Matt pulled back from kissing her cheek with feather lips. He gazed into her twinkling honest eyes that always sent his heart into overdrive. He wasted no time on his reply.

“I love you too Alex, more than you could ever know…”

They stared lovingly at each other for a moment as Matt thoughtfully twirled a corkscrew curl around his finger. 

“Marry me Alex?”

She gasped, not quite believing the words that had just so abruptly slipped from his mouth.

“Matt?”

“I love you... I want to spend the rest of my life loving you…. I um... got you a ring sweetheart….. was going to take you somewhere romantic and do it all properly like I perhaps should have done because you deserve nothing but the best...but you know how impatient I am...i errr….i asked Sal if it would be ok over Skype...but she just squealed in me face like Kaz and made me make a promise that we could have different Sonics as table favors...she gave me the eyes...you know the look you do it quite frequently to get what you want...i just can't say no to the girl ...im sorry Alex... I just couldn't wait for…”

She placed a finger over his babbling lips to silence his endearing flustering...she beamed with excitement, but feeling more than overwhelmed that he had even asked her daughter for permission ...everything felt right, perfect in fact.  
Her answer was easy like the beat of her own heart.

“Yes!”

Matt's eyebrows raise at her answer as her finger left his lips.

“Yes?....” He brightened wildly like the flashing lights on a Christmas tree ...then his face fell slightly in a sudden bewildering moment of doubt.

“Is that... a Yes...you will Marry Me or a Yes... that perhaps I should have done it somewhere romantic and not on the sofa in the house like a moron?”

Alex rolled her eyes finally gaining herself The Eye Roller Of The Year Award according to Matt's count.

“Oh shut up darling... you know very well which yes i was referring to and if you don't proceed to test drive this sofa with me i may be forced to change my mind on the matter entirely. 

“So your not wanting to save yourself for the wedding night as a good girl should?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

He laughed and leaned in to growl possessively into her neck like a ravenous animal

Sighing euphorically

“...sonic me Doctor...” 

He chuckled in pure and utter unyielding delight knowing that this was the beginning of an entirely new chapter in his life and more than that... he gets to write it with her.

“With pleasure Miss Song...Always with pleasure!”


End file.
